DnD (in-game) Jokes -- Bring em on.

[thedangerranger]

Hello all.
I've been making fairly extensive use of Tasha's Hideous Laughter with my bard in The Selgaunt Campaign and I've decided I actually want to tell jokes as I cast it.
Sadly I am terrible at coming up with jokes. So here is my plea to you all:
Hit me with you best in-game jokes. Give my bard something funny to say as he renders yet another BBEG into fits of debilitating laughter.
Thanks
-tdr-

 

[Kae'Yoss]

The tomato family is crossing the road. Tomato-boy lags behind, so his father smashes him and says "ketchup"

What is white and hides behind a tree? Shy milk.

A horse comes into a bar. Asks the barkeep "Why the long face?"

 

[thedangerranger]

That's the spirit.
Keep em rolling.
-tdr-

 

[Kae'Yoss]

(Watching the 3333 post count some more. Enough now. *Sigh* till in 1111 posts.)

What's a thousand nobles (Sembian gold pieces) in your pouch? Not damn enough!

What are you doing if a Cormyran crawling towards you? Reload the crossbow and shoot again.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Why's a halfing an asset for every party? If you have to flee, you only have to outrun the halfling.

 

[Dark Jezter]

A dwarf and an elf walk into a tavern and sit down at a table. After a moment, the barmaid approaches and says to the dwarf. "Good evening, what can I get for you?"

The dwarf responds with "I'll take the roast mutton meal and a pint of ale."

And the barmaid says "Good choice, and what about the vegetable?"

The dwarf looks at the elf and says "He'll take the roast mutton too, and he'll like it!"


(I wish I could take credit for this joke, but I first saw it in an ENWorld thread a long time ago.)

 

[Demmero]

My bard doesn't have that spell yet, but I'm planning on taking it the next chance I get. Like you, I thought it'd be fun to tell some actual jokes in the process of casting. Here's a couple off the top of my head:

Why aren't elves allowed to run while children? They might poke out someone's eye with their ears.

What did the pixie say to the stirge? It sucks to be you.

 

[Vocenoctum]

Some from an old RL adventure;
Why do elves have pointed ears?
There has to be some point to elves.

What would happen if a halfling and an orc were locked in a closet?
The orc would kill hte halfling and find his gold in the halflings pocket.

Why are so many dwarf's named Fireforge?
Because they can't spell immolatingsmelter

Two guards are on a bridge, one turns to the other "I didn't knoy you could cast stinking cloud?" the other replies "I can't"

What do you do when being chased by a vampire?
Poison your blood

What's the best way to kill a lich?
Thoroughly.

Those are from memory, so might be a little off. I think there were more too, but that adventure is packed away.

 

[Toras]

Here is a couple born out of my ability to sense evil and a certain NPC (Shemeska)

"I sense extreme aura of bulls$$$"

(To our Mage after she had left) "Ok we need a detect b**** spell, so we know she is coming."

(After an unwelcome offer is made) "I'm immune to disease and even I'm not going there."

"Not enough razors ever."

 

[clark411]

What'd the Black Dragon say to the Red as they flew away from a burning village?

"Bless you."