DnD (in-game) Jokes -- Bring em on.

[s/LaSH]

Why does the navy hire only nonswimmers nowadays?
They defend the ships harder.

Historical fact: Sailors in the colonial British navy were not encouraged to learn how to swim. Apparently, after getting washed overboard in the middle of the Pacific ocean, it was more comfortable to drown straight away than to swim six thousand kilometres to the nearest cannibal island. Sensible, really. Also meant you were more careful in your duties.

And here's an actual joke:

Q: What's the largest half-orc community in the land?
A: Waterdeep Municipal Prison. (Or insert your large correctional facility here.)

 

[Eli-kun]

Here's a joke from someone told during a campaign.


An elf, a halfling, a human and a half orc walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

 

[Tonguez]

Two cannibals are eating lunch first says to the other "I don't like your wife"
the other cannibal replies "okay then just eat the chips"

What do vegetarian cannibals eat?
Swedes

What do you call a mindflayer in an Orc village?
Malnourished

What do you call 10,000 dead elfs?
Just the beginning MWAHAHAHA!

 

[Dark Jezter]

Q: Why do elves believe themselves to be the best race around?
A: Because trees don't argue.

(elves make such easy targets for jokes. )

 

[reveal]

Two dwarfs cross paths with a nobly dressed gentleman.

One dwarf asks him, "What are you supposed to be?"

The gentleman glares at them and says, "I, good sir, am a Game Elf!" and walks away.

The dwarf turns to his comrade and asks, "What the hell's a Melf?!"

 

[Nik_the_Pig]

Me, I don't get the "blind passenger" joke. Is that another term for a stowaway, or is it something else that I'm missing?

Okay, blind (at least in 'stine {australian slang} but I expect in most other english speaking counties as well as I've travelled a bit and never met anyone one who didn't understand it) is slang for drunk, pissed, plastered, intoxicated, etc.

Hope it makes sense now, although I'm sure it's lost all humourous value by now

 

[snarfoogle]

One night, two guards are relieving themselves off the top of the castle wall. As they stand there, doing their business, the first guard says, "Boy, that moat water sure is cold."

The second guard says, "Yeah, and it's deep, too."

I'm sorry, but I don't get it.

>_>

 

[Robbert Raets]

Mr. Veal> funny. very funny

Mr. Ogle> the guards are exaggerating the size of their 'equipment'

 

[Voadam]

Death's Cold Laughter but I can't remember the name of the module, which had several other adventures.

There's also:

How do you create an Improved Fireball?
Feed an orc some beans.

Unfortunately I think you got most of the jokes. There was one about making some stew but the youngest wouldn't get in the pot.

Was that from the Book of Crypts?

 

[DragonLancer]

I'm sorry, but I don't get it.

Neither do I.