Do you ever successfully remain friends with ex's?

[gamecat]

I have a single ex. First love and whatnot. We broke up on behalf of arguments getting thermonuclear. The 7 months afterward were the worst part. From hearing that I never cared (when I'd ride a greyhound bus for four hours a week to go see her, for a year and a half, for we lived 70 miles) to her gleefully telling me how great boyfriend v2.0 is over v1.0, the "love" of our relationship has changed.

She lost a lot of friends to their drug habits. Truthfully, I ran off down into a psychedelic nightmare hole for some 4 months. Just so I could gleefully listen to her cringe when I told her how anhillated I was the previous weekend. Ecstasy she particularly hated. So I took the greatest joy in methelynedeoxymethamphetamine. The night she found out I dropped X, my phone rang and she breathed fire on me for a half an hour.

Drugs helped us break up. We met at a rave, my first one. We started dating two weeks afterward, and she said no drugs for me. Which was absolutely fine. Fast-forward to eight months. I have a hankering to try X. She says no, or she'll break up. Not a problem for me. Fast forward to 1.5 years. She's smoking marijuana right in front of me. She tells me it isn't a drug because it's natural. That marked the death of things right there.

Hee hee. I have issues.

We aren't friends anymore. It's a grudging affection I regard her with, I think. If boyfriend v2.0 turns out to hurt her, it'll be a long drive to long beach to kill somebody for someone I profess to don't care about anymore. Gamecat's a little ed up upstairs.

 

[AIM-54]

I voted rarely, although it's closer to never. I generally need time away/lack any desire to ever see them again after a break up. But there is one case where, after about 6 months, we could be friends again. But it was never the same, which is too bad, because we were really good friends prior.

Understanding this, I gained a new appreciation for a good friend who I was madly in love with for some time but didn't want to date me. But hindsight is 20/20.

 

[Aus_Snow]

Never. If there was real feeling involved, then you never stay friend's afterward. IMO, those people who can stay in touch with an ex never had true feelings for them.

IME, that isn't true. For example, I not only keep in touch with one particular ex, but am still very close to her, being one of her few best friends. And yes, we certainly had "real feeling involved", no two ways about that. There's just a different range of real feelings now.

For a guy, it's VERY hard to remain friends with someone they were serious with; only if there was no chemistry to begin with is it any easier.

That strikes me as a bit of a sweeping statement. Of course it might not be, but it does look that way to me.


Anyway, about 50-50 for me. A few times the relationship and/or breakup's just been so bad that yeh, there's no chance of friendship at all. But equally, there're a few ex's with whom I still talk and spend time. My girlfriend doesn't mind at all, so it's all good. For that matter, we're both also friends with two of her ex's!

 

[barsoomcore]

If there was real feeling involved, then you never stay friend's afterward. IMO, those people who can stay in touch with an ex never had true feelings for them.

Dude, you just sound like a pedantic oaf when you pretend to have knowledge about other people's feelings.

Guess what? I'm DIFFERENT than you. If you want to tell me that I didn't have true feelings for the woman I just spent the last week hanging out with, though we broke up fifteen years ago -- heck if you want to tell me I DON'T have true feelings for her even now -- you are only displaying your willingness to make statements about that which you have ZERO knowledge of.

Which makes you look foolish. And I like and respect you, so I wish you wouldn't do that.

I put "Sometimes" A couple of relationships just proved I and the person in question didn't have that much in common, so we don't communicate much anymore. But a couple of women I got attracted to because I admired them. We fell in love, worked that out, and what was left behind (after, in one case, a large amount of pain and suffering) was respect and affection and a deep, deep friendship that has strengthened over years.

I've known one of these women since I was eighteen. That's more than half my life. She's my best friend. She was best "man" at my wedding. And yeah, we lived together for two years and were madly in love for a long, long time.

But that was a longer, longer time ago and we're both happy where we are and we still love and respect each other. I fell in love for a reason and you know what? It was a good one.

So please, tell us more about YOU and less about how you imagine other people to be.

 

[DaveStebbins]

Never. If there was real feeling involved, then you never stay friend's afterward. IMO, those people who can stay in touch with an ex never had true feelings for them.

While you're entitled to your opinion, this is somewhat disrespectful and rude towards people who HAVE done so. The fact is, people change over time and feelings can change too. Some people are able to overcome the extreme feelings of hurt and anger and remain friends (in the case of my ex-wife and I, mostly for the sake of our daughter). You can claim that I never had true feelings for her (nor her for me), and I will simply say you are not me (or her), and you are mistaken.

-Dave

 

[Eeralai]

The only guy I remained friends with after breaking up, I ended up marrying I put rarely, because I wasn't sure that counted or not. Otherwise it would be never. There are some I am curious about how they are doing now, and I don't hate any of them. But friendship after a breakup was never a real strong point for me. I always just wanted to move on to something new.