does a nice, shy, meek guy have a chance in hell?

[megamania]

Seeing at how I am on the verge of a divorce I have nothing nice to say about women and love.

Hang in there. Things happen when they are meant to- and not a moment sooner.

 

[genshou]

It sounds like you are trying SO hard to get somebody, anybody, to love you, that your efforts may actually be driving those who may do so away. Sometimes we try so hard to find a certain kind of relationship that we focus on it too intensely and it causes people to distance themselves, as they can read from us that we are way too single-minded and purposeful about it. I relationship like that is not something you can force to happen. It is not something you can focus on as hard aas it sounds like you are. I know that is hard to accept, but you have to let go of it a little (or a let) in order for it to happen. Find some other things to strive for in life (not just things to hide behind, as you are still going to give off that "I'm looking for love as hard as I can" vibe). As hard as it is, put it out of mind. That is the only way it is going to happen. I am not saying to socially isolate yourself. Just have fun with people and be a friend, even if there is no hope of a relationship. Try to relax and not think about it.

Very well said on wolf70's part. I'm like you, except I'm not meek or good-looking. I'm not nearly as far along in life as you are (I still have 9 years before I hit 30), but I've loved and lost once already. That single-minded determination can blind you the nature of your actions, sometimes. I met my girlfriend a couple years back when I was still love-depressed and not interested in girls in the slightest. But over time I recovered (a lot of that thanks to her just being a friend) and now we have a relationship neither of us was counting on for the longest time.

People older than you get married all the time. Just keep yourself ready when the right woman arrives, but don't try too hard to seek her out. You'll find her eventually. Sometimes it just takes longer, but then the reward is that much sweeter. My parents married in their (very) early 20's, but all my aunts and uncles were in their late 20' or early 30's. And they all have wonderfully strong relationships.

 

[Captain Howdy]

Hey Aaron, I just saw this thread now, and I didn't want to read all 9 pages, or whatever it's up to. I read your original post, and I really just gotta say a few things. After 9 pages, other people might have said all this already.

First off, you need to get professional help. I know other people said this, but it bears repeating. Don't be ashamed to go to a therapist, I talk to one every now and then, especially about relationships. Sometimes you will feel a million times better by talking to a complete stranger about problems. And no, internet strangers don't count. This is the first and most important step.

Second, I read enought of the thread to see that you still live with your mom. You need to move out. Honestly, the latest a person should be with their parents is the end of college. You really just need to set out on your own. If you can't afford a place of your own, try to find a roomate.

Third, you need more self confidence. I know it's really easy to say that, but really hard to actually do it. Shy, meek guys have pretty much no chance with girls, romantically at least. I'm not saying you have to be a jerk to women, or a big rough guy on a motercycle, but very few females are going to be attracted to someone who is really meek. The easier middle ground is to just develope more of a personality. That way, you don't have to be a big tough guy, and girls will still like you. This is probably the last thing that will happen, though; after you talk to a therapist and move out. Once you really, truely, are happy with yourself, other people will take notice and it will be way easier for you to be Mr. Cool.
Think of Benny Hill. Stop laughing! He goes to show you what a personality can do for someone who is lacking in other areas. I mean, just look at him: Here ... he is no looker, but everyone loved him!

One last thing: Don't expect all this to turn around for you very soon. You should be fine if you do what I suggested, but it's gonna take a while. If I were you, I would make it my goal to be moved out, seeing a therapist, and enjoying my new lady-friend within one year. Too much sooner and it probably won't work out, too much later and you won't have any motivation to see it through.

P.S. I see that someone recommended going to a strip club. Heh, I don't know if they were joking or not, but it seems that you are looking for love, not boobies. Strip clubs are fun if you got extra money on a saturday night, but for god's sake, don't think that girls who are getting payed to rub their asses on your jeans are gonna have any respect or love for you.

 

[fusangite]

Hey Aaron, I just saw this thread now, and I didn't want to read all 9 pages, or whatever it's up to.

I guess your post can serve as yet another cautionary tale for why people should bother to read the whole thread.

In it, Aaron gave us a bunch more details that, had you been in possession of them, would, I hope, have changed your responses significantly.

P.S. I see that someone recommended going to a strip club. Heh, I don't know if they were joking or not, but it seems that you are looking for love, not boobies. Strip clubs are fun if you got extra money on a saturday night, but for god's sake, don't think that girls who are getting payed to rub their asses on your jeans are gonna have any respect or love for you.

I guess your post isn't just a cautionary tale against skipping follow-up posts but also against skimming posts without comprehending them.

Just keep yourself ready when the right woman arrives, but don't try too hard to seek her out. You'll find her eventually. Sometimes it just takes longer, but then the reward is that much sweeter.

I think you can see from the way the thread went, it's not so much about staying read as getting ready.

So, Aaron, any progress on any of the fronts we discussed?

 

[Captain Howdy]

Any other excuses or cries for sympathy that were posted wouldn't have changed my advice that much, if at all.