Dumbest/funniest deaths

This happened back in a 2nd edition AD&D game I ran in college. It happened more than 10 years ago, so forgive me if I'm a bit fuzzy on the details.

The party was in Cormyr in the Forgotten Realms. They'd gotten pretty powerful and were probably 12th-14th level by this point. They also had collected quite an arsenal of magic items, which shall become important later. They'd gotten a land grant and were at the point where they were establishing their own keep and settling the land. Unfortunately, drow raiders were showing up and causing havoc.

After fighting off various attacks on their lands, the PCs headed off into the mountains to try to figure out where the drow were emerging from the underdark and eventually close it off. They manage to track the drow to a cave mouth recessed in a chasm. They decided to set up an ambush and wait. Their tactic was to use magic to hollow out part of the chasm slope and then cover it with an illusion. A couple of the PCs could go invisible through various spells and items they'd accumulated. The idea was that they could hide behind the illusion and the invisible PCs could poke their heads out to observe then the entire party could spring from hiding when the time came.

Well, eventually the drow emerged from the cave mouth and were obviously on another raid. The PCs fell quiet as the drow were set to pass very close to their position and they planned to spring out and attack them from behind. Unfortunately, it turned out that one of the wizards who was with the raiding party was wearing some goggles that gave him True Seeing. He was looking around and did a double-take as he saw the party right through the illusion. He shouted an alarm and cast Cone of Cold at the assembled party members.

Now, normally this group could have handled the drow without problems. It was one of their own party members who did them in -- quite accidentally. There was a player who we shall call "Joe" to protect the guilty. Joe was playing a wizard and announced that he'd absorb the Cone of Cold into his Staff of the Magi (which was not considered an artifact back in 2e, "just" a really good standard item). The 2e version of the staff allowed you to recharge it by absorbing spells thrown at you and converting them to charges. One spell level became one charge. Thus, what he did was a valid move. It would save the party from taking any damage at all - except for one little detail...

Me: "Ok, you absorb the spell. How many charges does that bring you up to?"
Joe: "Thirty!"
Me: "Uh, staves can only hold 25 charges. Are you saying the staff was fully charged before you absorbed the spell?"
Joe: "Yes"
Me: "And you meant to do that?"
Joe: "Yes"
Me: "Ok, you remember what happens if you overcharge it, right? "
Joe: {Thinks for a minute} "Awww...."
Other Players: "GROAN!"

The 2e Staff of the Magi, if overcharged, would explode in a "Retributive Strike" unleashing all of the energy in the staff as a massive explosion. The explosion caused 1d6 damage for every charge, thus this staff exploded for 30d6 damage. Even this, the party could take. It was a fairly high powered game and they had lots of magic and everything else. That proved to be their undoing. See, if you failed your save (at all, not like in 3.x) your items all had to save or be destroyed. Some saves were failed and items started failing saves and being destroyed. Unfortunately, one of the other party members was wearing a Necklace of Fireballs and it, of course, failed it's save causing all of the fireballs on it to detonate...

To make an already long story a bit shorter, there was a cascade effect. The Staff of the Magi exploded and did 30d6 to the party all packed nicely together in their little ambush spot. The Necklace of Fireballs exploded and did a bunch more, items failed and were destroyed and several custom magic items with explosive potential similar to the Necklace of Fireballs also exploded doing yet more damage and destroying more items. The effect must have looked something like a fireworks factory exploding. I can't remember the damage total anymore, but it ended up being at least 100 points more than anyone had at full even if it was all reduced to half for successful saves.

I ruled that they'd been more or less vaporized and any surviving items had been looted by the very surprised drow.

Technically, one PC did survive. His player had to work that night so we had his character stay behind to watch the keep. When he got home (he was a roommate), I told him that his character was on the ramparts of the keep looking into the mountains when he saw a large mushroom cloud...

They learned their lesson about carrying around a bunch of dangerous stuff like the Necklace of Fireballs though...
 

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I'm going to add another "Joe" story, though it was actually two deaths.

In a different campaign, the player with the staff from my last story, "Joe", was also playing a wizard. He and the party ranger needed to go somewhere pretty quickly for some reason and going by horse would take several days. Joe protested there was no need for this tedious journey because he could just Teleport the two of them there in an instant! The ranger's player balked. He knew quite well that Teleport was risky. This was 2e and even teleporting to a well-known destination carried a small but not-zero chance of arriving high in the air and falling to your death or arriving low and dying instantly from appearing in solid earth.

The two players spent a good 20 minutes arguing about this. The ranger's player didn't want to take the risk while Joe's player insisted the chances of horrible death were so small as to be not worthy of consideration. Finally, he managed to convice the ranger's player to take the risk and off they went.

Well, we all know what's coming. Joe's player rolled his dice and they appeared in solid earth, dying instantly. The ranger's player was not amused.
 

A third story, also involving "Joe" though he didn't actually die this time.

This way yet another campaign (still 2e) and Joe had talked me into letting him play a psionic monk. I don't know how, but he did. Sigh.

Anyway, Joe had put together some combination of powers that, when added to the speed increase he got for being a monk, allowed him to run at some obscene speed.

Fast forward to an encounter with some goblins who were ambushing travelers. The party easily defeats the goblins and they begin fleeing. Well, Joe decides he's going to chase them down and activates his speedy powers of munchkiny goodness to run after them.

The problem is that the goblins have had to retreat before. They've made plans for having to retreat. Plans that involve tripwires set high enough for goblins to run under but low enough to really screw up a human or someone on horseback. These tripwires are in brush where you can't see them until the last minute as you weave between bushes and scrub trees chasing the goblins.

Anyway, Joe is crashing through the brush when he finds one of these tripwires too late to do anything to avoid it. He manages to clothesline himself at what amounts to highway speed. One second, Joe was running down goblins and the next minute he was on the ground wondering why he was suddenly staring up at the sky and why his body hurt so badly.

Joe didn't actually die. He had enough hit points and some cheezy psionic power to ensure that. The goblins might have come finished him while he was stunned, but the other PCs were coming at a more sedate pace so they just fled.

Thus, Joe survived albeit with wounded pride -- and the goblins got away.
 

A "non-Joe" story. This was a 2e game as well. For some reason, all my stupid player stories seem to be from 2e.

There was a relatively new player who we'll call "Fred". Fred was playing a big, hulking fighter. Somewhere along the line, he'd aquired an item called a "Vampiric Ring of Regeneration". Now, what these did was heal you whenever you did damage in combat. I believe it was one point of healing for every two points of damage you inflicted.

Anyway, I forget what they were doing but they had an encounter and he somehow managed to end up one hit point below maximum. He asked the party cleric for healing, but it was refused. The cleric reasoned that he'd easily heal that point back overnight andthere wasn't any point in using a healing spell for 1 point when they might get attacked in camp that night.

To this day, I don't know why but this drove Fred into a single-minded quest for something he could kill that had at least two hit points so he could heal that one hit point back. He was not going to let it go. Unfortunately, he didn't have much luck finding suitable wildlife he could catch and was getting really antsy. Eventually, they approached the local druid's grove and Fred decided to find a small critter to smash and get his hit point back.

Now, it was obvious that this was a druid's grove and the other players tried to warn him off but Fred wouldn't listen. He figured they were probably wrong and, even if they weren't, the druid wouldn't miss one little critter. The other players really tired to talk him out of it, but no luck.

Fred squashed a critter.

Needless to say, the druid missed his critter. I don't remember all the details anymore, but he spent a couple of days mercilessly hounding Fred. I distinctly remember Fred nearly drowning while hiding from a swarm of bees in a pond. I also remember him getting hit with Call Lightning. The party immediately turned on him. The moment it became clear that the druid knew what had happened, they started shouting Fred's guilt for anyone to hear and proclaiming their own respect for nature. They also made Fred stay at least 100 yards from the party until they reached the next town so as to not get hit by the druid's revenge. When Fred objected, they pointed out that they'd told him so and weren't going to suffer the consequences for his behavior. They nearly threw him out of the party permanently when he begged to borrow one of the other PC's horse on the theory the druid wouldn't attack him while he was riding it.

The wilderness was like a massive deathtrap for Fred until they reached the next town. He was never actually killed, but only because I took mercy on the player who was so attached to the character. I let him stumble into town with single-digit hit points instead.

When they finally reached the next town, Fred had learned never to mess with a druid's grove again.
 

"Fred" sounds exactly like a player we used to have. His exploits are well-chronicled on the "stupidest players" forum, but this sounds SO much like something he would have done. I'm going to tell this story to my gaming group - they'll be unable to breathe!
 

Well, this is supposed to be "deaths" and I've given two "near deaths", so I'll close with a death. This one was both "funny" and "spectacular".

It was a 2e Forgotten Realms game and the person who played the ranger in one of my earlier stories (we shall call him "Ted") was playing a wild mage. In fact, I think this may have been his replacement for the ranger.

Anyway, the party was in Tethyr and there was a war on. The PCs had gotten involved and a couple of party members were scouting up a road where they thought the enemy might be coming from. They found them. In fact, they were rather outmatched and the fight turned against them so they tried to flee. All but Ted managed to get away. Ted couldn't get away for some reason I forget. He had a last-ditch plan though. He had a scroll that was basically trapped so that the first person looking at it was essentially "frozen". They couldn't move or be moved and couldn't cast spells or anything like that, but also couldn't be harmed. The original intent behind the magic was to catch thieves. In his case, the idea was to read the scroll and do this to himself in the hope that the enemy would either get bored and go away or the other PCs could rescue him somehow.

So, Ted "freezes" his mage. Unfortunately, the enemy doesn't go away and the other PCs are unable to come back and rescue him. Eventually they enemy gets a few mages to come up and prepare to dispel the effect then capture and interrogate him. They dispel and try to cast spells to capture him, but he gets to get a spell off too. Unfortunately, he didn't have anything memorized he could use to get away. He did have a fireball and he had room to cast it without hitting himself.

Or so he thought.

Remember I said he's a wild mage. Well, he surges. He gets the result that increases the effect of all the numberic aspects of the spell. This includes damage AND area of effect. So, instead of a 20' radius fireball for ~35 points of damage, he got a 60' radius fireball for ~105 points of damage.

KABOOM!

One super-fireball later, the mages who were trying to capture him were dead, the various guards were dead, the clerics who had been standing by for the interrogation were dead, the officers who wanted him interrogated were dead. Unfortunately, given the suddenly increased blast radius, Ted was caught in the spell and also died.

Oops.

Well, we all thought it was pretty funny.
 

This was about 20 years ago, when I was a student at UMIST. The game was Paranoia. We have an experimental Warbot in tow, which I have befriended via Machine Empathy. I have previously commanded it that if given a certain key phrase, it would open fire and kill everybody in the room. Unfortunately, I got denounced as a mutie, and I uttered the key phrase. Unfortunately, of course, I was still in the same room...
 

Stu is short for Stuart, not Stupid, but....

In Junior High School, we played D&D all the time, but this was the first time we had played at Stu's house. Stu's mom kept yelling at him to come upstairs for one thing or another. Just when we got to the lowest layer of the dungeon, Stu's mom yelled at him again.

"Stu! I need you upstairs to blah blah blah right now!"

"Just a minute, mom," Stu shouted back.

"No, right now or all your friends are going home."

So Stu departed, arguing with the other players over who would control his character while he was gone. Of the three of us, two of us flat out refused to make any promises regarding Stu's character's behavior while he was under our control.

So Stu told Scott "You control him" and left without asking Scott for any reassurances.

Scott turned to the DM and said "Stu's character stirs the inky black pool with his magic sword."

DM "His sword rusts and falls to pieces. You feel a great hunger within the darkness."

Scott "Stu's character throws off his magic items and jumps in."

DM "As he does so, a huge clawed hand thrusts forth from the blackness and drags him down to his horrible, painful death."

At this exact moment, Stu returned. He looked at Scott, confused. He was only gone about thirty seconds.

Scott "Sorry, dude."

We never played at Stu's house again. :p
 

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