[ENboards Boston Event] Feng Shui: Six in the Chamber
- Thread starter Dr Midnight
- Start date
Dr Midnight
Explorer
SCENE 3
INT. – ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
The group pulls in and parks the car. They get out and crack open the briefcase. Water and some jellyfish pour out. The case is filled with pictures, documents, plane tickets, and various assorted papers.
CARL
What’s with all this?
CHEN YAU
Jimmy the Jake said this briefcase was full of plans to assassinate people. Look, here’s a picture of the Chinese Premier.
CHEF TSO
Here’s a plan detailing how to break into the American Embassy…
DAMON
…and here’s a picture of my boss.
It becomes clear as the group looks through the case that Tony Tang is planning a much larger takeover than was previously believed. He has politicians and hired men ready to move into place of the ones he plans to assassinate. If he succeeds, he’ll control most of mainland China, and all of Hong Kong. He’ll pull the strings of government. He’ll control the police. He’ll control both the Xiao and Wu syndicates.
CHEN YAU
What are we going to do?
CUDDLY JACK
We could hand this vital evidence over to the proper authorities and let them handle it…
Everyone stares at Cuddly Jack as though he were speaking French. He turns red as he regains his senses.
CUDDLY JACK
Sorry, mates… Just sorta slipped out.
DAMON
It looks like he plans to assassinate my boss at the marina tomorrow, during the dedication ceremony of a new cruise ship. I’m going to go warn him.
CHEN YAU
Don’t put too much effort into it… your “boss” is the leader of a powerful crime family.
DAMON
I’d sooner save him than you. He’s always treated me with respect.
CHEN YAU
Whatever. Well, I’m going to go and secure some means of watching the marina from above.
CUDDLY JACK
Like a helicopter? I’m a qualified pilot, y’know… took a Wargwallabilly’s Whirlybird Night Course.
CHEN YAU
Yeah, that could work.
CHAI TONG
I want a police helicopter with a remote-controlled winch and harness.
CHEN YAU
Why?
CHAI TONG
Do not question me! You are undisciplined and have the manners of an ill-bred farm sow.
CHEF TSO
Some of us should be positioned around Boss Wu, for safety’s sake… within 150 feet or so. Besides, I’ve got an idea I’ve been wanting to try.
INT. – WU SYNDICATE HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Damon is sitting with Boss Wu. They’re discussing the revelations.
BOSS WU
I cannot miss this appearance.
DAMON
You know you’re going to be assassinated and still you’re going to go?
BOSS WU
You wouldn’t understand. There will be senators, investors, and businessmen watching. I’m trying to go legitimate… you know this. I cannot not go. I will wear a bulletproof vest... But I am going.
DAMON
(smiling)Damn your stubbornness. Well, I will defend your life with my own.
BOSS WU
I know you will.
EXT. – HONG KONG MARINA – DAY
A large crowd has gathered on the grassy grounds of the Marina. A large ship sits in the harbor. Ships and boats of every kind and size fill the water. Balloons lift into the air. It’s a family gathering, with jugglers and performers hired to entertain the crowd. Food vendors sell their wares from carts and stands. One is dressed in a Godzilla costume, selling roasted hot dogs on sticks. A little girl walks up to him.
LITTLE GIRL
I’ll take one!
“Godzilla” pokes a stick through a hot dog, lifts it in front of the lizard’s open mouth and presses a button in his left hand. A propane-fueled burst of flame erupts from Godzilla’s mouth and sets the hot dog on fire. He hands it to the little girl.
CHEF TSO
There you go.
LITTLE GIRL
Thanks!
CHEF TSO
(quietly, to himself) I hate hot dogs.
He presses a hand against his ear.
CHEF TSO
Nothing down here. Does anyone see anything? The ceremony’s about to begin.
Cut to Carl, sitting in the ship’s crow’s nest with a pair of binoculars.
CARL
Nothing.
Cut to Damon, standing near his boss on the dock near the ship, watching the crowd.
DAMON
Nothing.
Cut to the inside of a helicopter. Cuddly Jack is flying with one hand on the stick and one hand wrapped around an ice cold Foster’s. Tommy, Chai Tong, and Chen are here as well.
CUDDLY JACK
Nothing, and you’re supposed t’say “over” when yer done flappin’ yer pigkissers. Over.
TOMMY
What’s that?
Tommy points to another helicopter that has entered the marina’s airspace. It has tinted windows and, oddly enough, TV station call letters on the side. “WLLY, channel 10… Hong Kong’s favorite channel!”
CUDDLY JACK
I’m on the case.
Jack rockets the helicopter threateningly towards the other one. He picks up the radio and barks into it.
CUDDLY JACK
This here’s Cuddly Jack Starkey, the biggest, meanest, roughest, most huggable blighter around. Yer enterin’ pertected airspace. Identify yerselves or be shot down! Over!
RADIO VOICE
What??
CUDDLY JACK
Identify yerselves! Yer not killin’ Wu today, ya poofter! Over.
Over the radio, another voice speaks in a terrified voice.
RADIO VOICE #2
Oh my god! It’s him! The one I told you about- get us out of here!
Jack pauses. A smile stretches across his broad face.
CUDDLY JACK
Willy, that you? Willy Wallaby! Cor, how I’ve missed ya, mate! How are ya? Over!
The group can see a terrified Willy open a window to look at the oncoming helicopter. He’s dressed in a suit and is holding a microphone. Apparently, in his day job he’s Tsui Miao Lung, respected traffic reporter. Right now, he’s Willy Wallaby, poor bloke scared out of his mind.
WILLY
We’ll stay over here, I’ll report the traffic, and we’ll get the hell out of here, okay? Oh, please, just don’t hug me!
CUDDLY JACK
(gives him a wave) All right Willy, we’ll see ya later, we got business to crumple, alright? Cheers mate! Over.
The helicopters separate and fly their different ways. The radio crackles as Carl shouts to them.
CARL
I see something! Down on the water- in a junk boat- a sniper rifle muzzle is aiming towards Boss Wu!
Damon pulls his guns and tackles Boss Wu to the ground as a bullet ricochets off the ship’s hull, where Wu’s head was. The crowd screams and starts running around like headless chickens. Chef Tso in his Godzilla suit sees the glint of the gun’s barrel pulling back into a junk out on the water. He runs from his hot dog stand, plowing through people. He leaps from the edge of the pier, onto a jet ski. The jet ski takes off across the water towards the junk. Above, the four heroes in the helicopter are trying to see where the shot came from, so they can attack.
CUDDLY JACK
Which boat is it, Carl? Over!
CARL
The junk! The junk!
CUDDLY JACK
There are A DOZEN junks out there, over!
Behind him, he hears Chai Tong’s polite “ahem” and a buckling noise. With a final snap, Chai has fastened the body harness at the end of the winch cable around him. He looks up.
CHAI TONG
Fly us over to Carl, please. If he cannot point us to the correct junk, we will just have to let him take us there.
Chai Tong jumps out of the helicopter’s wide open door. The cable zips out of the winch as he falls with arms outstretched.
INT. – ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
The group pulls in and parks the car. They get out and crack open the briefcase. Water and some jellyfish pour out. The case is filled with pictures, documents, plane tickets, and various assorted papers.
CARL
What’s with all this?
CHEN YAU
Jimmy the Jake said this briefcase was full of plans to assassinate people. Look, here’s a picture of the Chinese Premier.
CHEF TSO
Here’s a plan detailing how to break into the American Embassy…
DAMON
…and here’s a picture of my boss.
It becomes clear as the group looks through the case that Tony Tang is planning a much larger takeover than was previously believed. He has politicians and hired men ready to move into place of the ones he plans to assassinate. If he succeeds, he’ll control most of mainland China, and all of Hong Kong. He’ll pull the strings of government. He’ll control the police. He’ll control both the Xiao and Wu syndicates.
CHEN YAU
What are we going to do?
CUDDLY JACK
We could hand this vital evidence over to the proper authorities and let them handle it…
Everyone stares at Cuddly Jack as though he were speaking French. He turns red as he regains his senses.
CUDDLY JACK
Sorry, mates… Just sorta slipped out.
DAMON
It looks like he plans to assassinate my boss at the marina tomorrow, during the dedication ceremony of a new cruise ship. I’m going to go warn him.
CHEN YAU
Don’t put too much effort into it… your “boss” is the leader of a powerful crime family.
DAMON
I’d sooner save him than you. He’s always treated me with respect.
CHEN YAU
Whatever. Well, I’m going to go and secure some means of watching the marina from above.
CUDDLY JACK
Like a helicopter? I’m a qualified pilot, y’know… took a Wargwallabilly’s Whirlybird Night Course.
CHEN YAU
Yeah, that could work.
CHAI TONG
I want a police helicopter with a remote-controlled winch and harness.
CHEN YAU
Why?
CHAI TONG
Do not question me! You are undisciplined and have the manners of an ill-bred farm sow.
CHEF TSO
Some of us should be positioned around Boss Wu, for safety’s sake… within 150 feet or so. Besides, I’ve got an idea I’ve been wanting to try.
INT. – WU SYNDICATE HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Damon is sitting with Boss Wu. They’re discussing the revelations.
BOSS WU
I cannot miss this appearance.
DAMON
You know you’re going to be assassinated and still you’re going to go?
BOSS WU
You wouldn’t understand. There will be senators, investors, and businessmen watching. I’m trying to go legitimate… you know this. I cannot not go. I will wear a bulletproof vest... But I am going.
DAMON
(smiling)Damn your stubbornness. Well, I will defend your life with my own.
BOSS WU
I know you will.
EXT. – HONG KONG MARINA – DAY
A large crowd has gathered on the grassy grounds of the Marina. A large ship sits in the harbor. Ships and boats of every kind and size fill the water. Balloons lift into the air. It’s a family gathering, with jugglers and performers hired to entertain the crowd. Food vendors sell their wares from carts and stands. One is dressed in a Godzilla costume, selling roasted hot dogs on sticks. A little girl walks up to him.
LITTLE GIRL
I’ll take one!
“Godzilla” pokes a stick through a hot dog, lifts it in front of the lizard’s open mouth and presses a button in his left hand. A propane-fueled burst of flame erupts from Godzilla’s mouth and sets the hot dog on fire. He hands it to the little girl.
CHEF TSO
There you go.
LITTLE GIRL
Thanks!
CHEF TSO
(quietly, to himself) I hate hot dogs.
He presses a hand against his ear.
CHEF TSO
Nothing down here. Does anyone see anything? The ceremony’s about to begin.
Cut to Carl, sitting in the ship’s crow’s nest with a pair of binoculars.
CARL
Nothing.
Cut to Damon, standing near his boss on the dock near the ship, watching the crowd.
DAMON
Nothing.
Cut to the inside of a helicopter. Cuddly Jack is flying with one hand on the stick and one hand wrapped around an ice cold Foster’s. Tommy, Chai Tong, and Chen are here as well.
CUDDLY JACK
Nothing, and you’re supposed t’say “over” when yer done flappin’ yer pigkissers. Over.
TOMMY
What’s that?
Tommy points to another helicopter that has entered the marina’s airspace. It has tinted windows and, oddly enough, TV station call letters on the side. “WLLY, channel 10… Hong Kong’s favorite channel!”
CUDDLY JACK
I’m on the case.
Jack rockets the helicopter threateningly towards the other one. He picks up the radio and barks into it.
CUDDLY JACK
This here’s Cuddly Jack Starkey, the biggest, meanest, roughest, most huggable blighter around. Yer enterin’ pertected airspace. Identify yerselves or be shot down! Over!
RADIO VOICE
What??
CUDDLY JACK
Identify yerselves! Yer not killin’ Wu today, ya poofter! Over.
Over the radio, another voice speaks in a terrified voice.
RADIO VOICE #2
Oh my god! It’s him! The one I told you about- get us out of here!
Jack pauses. A smile stretches across his broad face.
CUDDLY JACK
Willy, that you? Willy Wallaby! Cor, how I’ve missed ya, mate! How are ya? Over!
The group can see a terrified Willy open a window to look at the oncoming helicopter. He’s dressed in a suit and is holding a microphone. Apparently, in his day job he’s Tsui Miao Lung, respected traffic reporter. Right now, he’s Willy Wallaby, poor bloke scared out of his mind.
WILLY
We’ll stay over here, I’ll report the traffic, and we’ll get the hell out of here, okay? Oh, please, just don’t hug me!
CUDDLY JACK
(gives him a wave) All right Willy, we’ll see ya later, we got business to crumple, alright? Cheers mate! Over.
The helicopters separate and fly their different ways. The radio crackles as Carl shouts to them.
CARL
I see something! Down on the water- in a junk boat- a sniper rifle muzzle is aiming towards Boss Wu!
Damon pulls his guns and tackles Boss Wu to the ground as a bullet ricochets off the ship’s hull, where Wu’s head was. The crowd screams and starts running around like headless chickens. Chef Tso in his Godzilla suit sees the glint of the gun’s barrel pulling back into a junk out on the water. He runs from his hot dog stand, plowing through people. He leaps from the edge of the pier, onto a jet ski. The jet ski takes off across the water towards the junk. Above, the four heroes in the helicopter are trying to see where the shot came from, so they can attack.
CUDDLY JACK
Which boat is it, Carl? Over!
CARL
The junk! The junk!
CUDDLY JACK
There are A DOZEN junks out there, over!
Behind him, he hears Chai Tong’s polite “ahem” and a buckling noise. With a final snap, Chai has fastened the body harness at the end of the winch cable around him. He looks up.
CHAI TONG
Fly us over to Carl, please. If he cannot point us to the correct junk, we will just have to let him take us there.
Chai Tong jumps out of the helicopter’s wide open door. The cable zips out of the winch as he falls with arms outstretched.
KidCthulhu
First Post
Memo to self for next Feng Shui game. Do not play the professional killer. Professionals are generally reasonable, quiet, unremarkable men. Deadly and cold, yes. But also not prone to throwing themselves out of helicopters and/or dressing up as godzilla.
Professional killers are no fun. Play the "everyman hero" or the "bruiser" next time. Damon was chock full of character motivation and definitely not as much fun as Carl the janitor with the mop fixation.
My bad. Couldn't resist the "carnival of carnage" schtick.
Professional killers are no fun. Play the "everyman hero" or the "bruiser" next time. Damon was chock full of character motivation and definitely not as much fun as Carl the janitor with the mop fixation.
My bad. Couldn't resist the "carnival of carnage" schtick.
Chronosome
Explorer
ROFL! WLLY! 
Breakstone
First Post
Great Gatsby's Ghost, that's awesome!
Chef Tso in the godzilla suit... he he he
Chef Tso in the godzilla suit... he he he
Breakstone
First Post
Bump!
MasterOfHeaven
First Post
This is hilarious. I love it.
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