Epic Monsters has taken on aircraft-cursing gremlins, Cthulhu and his whole gang, the Mothman, Baba Yaga, Dracula, the World Turtle—but none are the type of challenge posed by today’s subject. Meet the ridiculous onocentaur!
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When I first ran across this absolute rejection-of-all-that-is-good I was inclined to post it for April Fool’s day but that seemed inappropriate this year so it’s been delayed to now (because I live in abject fear of what else 2020 has waiting for us). There’s really not very much known about onocentaurs aside from some vague mentions in the Book of Isaiah, and a few brief quotes attributed to Pythagoras about what they look like and that they are—I would say not at all surprisingly—very angry creatures.
Design Notes: “Right Mike you’ve gone and done it now. This is absolute rubbish. Inexcusable to put it in this column. I knew you were an idiot the second I found out you live in America.” No worries—these were my first thoughts too. I mean it’s funny to look at of course, but that’s hardly a qualifier for appearing in the column. What we have here is an honest challenge. Can the onocentaur be cool? Obviously it can’t get more difficult to kill than an actual centaur, but is it possible for this horrid monstrosity of a weaned imagination to be redeemed by the dice?
Let’s find out.
Being pissed off needs to be included (I mean can you imagine). There should also be some other focuses reflecting their unique perspective, so Grounded (might as well get punny) both gives them a bonus and a penalty in that regard. Then there’s the actual physics to think about and thus Unbalanced gets added in, as well as a unique Multiattack. Finally because it’s got a low AC and hit point total, and we can expect it’ll get knocked prone, Kip Up is getting added as a reaction. With that let’s take a look at the numbers! The DMG landed on 1.729 and the Blog of Holding at a higher 2.375, averaging out to juuust a mite over Challenge Rating 2.
Onocentaur
Large monstrosity, chaotic neutral
Armor Class 13
Hit Points 30 (4d10+8)
Speed 40 ft.
Skills Athletics +7, Perception +2, Survival +4
Senses passive Perception 12
Languages Common, Sylvan
Challenge 2 (450 XP)
Angry. When the onocentaur is below its hit point maximum, it has advantage on ability checks and saving throws.
Big-Handed Grappling. The onocentaur has advantage on attack rolls against a creature it is grappling, and it can use an action to try to pin a creature it has grappled. To do so, the onocentaur makes another grapple check. If it succeeds, the creature is restrained until the grapple ends. The onocentaur only needs one hand to grapple a creature of Medium size or smaller.
Grounded. The onocentaur has advantage on Intelligence (Investigation) checks that rely on sight, and disadvantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on sight.
Unbalanced. The onocentaur can use a bonus action to stand up on its hind legs. While standing on its hind legs the onocentaur’s statistics change in the following ways:
ACTIONS
Multiattack. The onocentaur attacks once with its kick. If it is standing on its hind legs, the onocentaur can instead attack twice with its slam, or make two melee weapon attacks using weapons it is wielding in its hands.
Kick. Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach 10 ft., one target. Hit: 11 (2d6+4) bludgeoning damage.
Slam. Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 6 (1d4+4) bludgeoning damage. If the target is a Medium or smaller creature, it is grappled (escape DC 14).
REACTION
Kip Up. When it is knocked prone, the onocentaur can use its reaction to stand up on its hands and feet.
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When I first ran across this absolute rejection-of-all-that-is-good I was inclined to post it for April Fool’s day but that seemed inappropriate this year so it’s been delayed to now (because I live in abject fear of what else 2020 has waiting for us). There’s really not very much known about onocentaurs aside from some vague mentions in the Book of Isaiah, and a few brief quotes attributed to Pythagoras about what they look like and that they are—I would say not at all surprisingly—very angry creatures.
Design Notes: “Right Mike you’ve gone and done it now. This is absolute rubbish. Inexcusable to put it in this column. I knew you were an idiot the second I found out you live in America.” No worries—these were my first thoughts too. I mean it’s funny to look at of course, but that’s hardly a qualifier for appearing in the column. What we have here is an honest challenge. Can the onocentaur be cool? Obviously it can’t get more difficult to kill than an actual centaur, but is it possible for this horrid monstrosity of a weaned imagination to be redeemed by the dice?
Let’s find out.
Being pissed off needs to be included (I mean can you imagine). There should also be some other focuses reflecting their unique perspective, so Grounded (might as well get punny) both gives them a bonus and a penalty in that regard. Then there’s the actual physics to think about and thus Unbalanced gets added in, as well as a unique Multiattack. Finally because it’s got a low AC and hit point total, and we can expect it’ll get knocked prone, Kip Up is getting added as a reaction. With that let’s take a look at the numbers! The DMG landed on 1.729 and the Blog of Holding at a higher 2.375, averaging out to juuust a mite over Challenge Rating 2.
Onocentaur
Large monstrosity, chaotic neutral
Armor Class 13
Hit Points 30 (4d10+8)
Speed 40 ft.
STR | DEX | CON | INT | WIS | CHA |
19 (+4) | 16 (+3) | 15 (+2) | 8 (–1) | 11 (+0) | 10 (+0) |
Senses passive Perception 12
Languages Common, Sylvan
Challenge 2 (450 XP)
Angry. When the onocentaur is below its hit point maximum, it has advantage on ability checks and saving throws.
Big-Handed Grappling. The onocentaur has advantage on attack rolls against a creature it is grappling, and it can use an action to try to pin a creature it has grappled. To do so, the onocentaur makes another grapple check. If it succeeds, the creature is restrained until the grapple ends. The onocentaur only needs one hand to grapple a creature of Medium size or smaller.
Grounded. The onocentaur has advantage on Intelligence (Investigation) checks that rely on sight, and disadvantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on sight.
Unbalanced. The onocentaur can use a bonus action to stand up on its hind legs. While standing on its hind legs the onocentaur’s statistics change in the following ways:
- The onocentaur’s Speed is halved.
- The onocentaur has disadvantage on ability checks.
- Creatures have advantage on checks made to knock the onocentaur prone.
- The onocentaur has disadvantage on saving throws made to avoid going prone.
- The onocentaur loses the Grounded trait and its kick attack.
ACTIONS
Multiattack. The onocentaur attacks once with its kick. If it is standing on its hind legs, the onocentaur can instead attack twice with its slam, or make two melee weapon attacks using weapons it is wielding in its hands.
Kick. Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach 10 ft., one target. Hit: 11 (2d6+4) bludgeoning damage.
Slam. Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 6 (1d4+4) bludgeoning damage. If the target is a Medium or smaller creature, it is grappled (escape DC 14).
REACTION
Kip Up. When it is knocked prone, the onocentaur can use its reaction to stand up on its hands and feet.
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