Epiphany!: New use for spam in gaming

[Teflon Billy]

...What, you like her too? That why you're frontin'?

Well, Origianlly I would've said "How would I know; the entirety of my knowedge of her is that she is a harried Mom".

But after reading this...

...last time I saw Lola (last Friday), she was still very cute. But she is also incredibly twisted and more than just a tad evil...

...I have to say "I'm in Love...or Lust...or Heat, maybe. I dunno"

That's OK...I still luuuuh ya, TB!

Well, your "luh" is what keeps me going through the lean times

 

[Conaill]

A few more from my extensive spam collection:

Elinor Flowers - Your 4th notice, Please respond
Half-elven, possibly a druid? Somehow, her first three urgent messages never reached you!

Loukia Tsagkli - Open access NOW
Mongolian warrior-princess. Orphaned at an early age, now hiring out as a common mercenary, until the day comes she can reclaim her throne.

Celeste Holloway - Re:Vi*agra - do it for her
Yes, MAM! Female paladin... and a quite bossy one too.

Kendra - sure
Ah, I like a woman of few words. Female barbarian, as likely to jump in the sack as to cut of your head in the morning.

Selena Blue - FW: now, get your supply online
Very charming planshifting trader. You can order anything from her - for a price.

Mrs Serena Jones - DONATION FOR THE LORD.
Needs no further explanation - would make for an excellent NPC.

Chester Hill - DISCREET OVERNIGHT PHARMACY!
British cavalry officer - retired. Alcoholic.

Sandy Wolfe - DISCREET OVERNIGHT PHARMACY!
She seems like a very attractive teenager - but wait till you see what she turns into at full moon! Luckily the local herbalist sells a little potion that can stave of the effects...

Willie Lowe - Pharmacy 0nline u ten
Shady figure. People say he's a fence. Those people also tend to show up missing. Tends to speak in short code words when among other thieves.

Rod Edmonds - SAVE THOUSANDS
Stuck-up cleric. Always going on about his holy duty to convert heathen souls and "save thousands"...

Priscilla Rightmir - Keep Your Job
Dwarven princess who believes she's the prettiest girl in all the lands. And if you show any doubt about that, her dad will axe you!

Dixie Sparks - Stop smoking With our formula!
Young female gnome alchemist shopkeeper. Her preparations are quite effective, but they do tend to have some... side effects...

Graciela Villamor - Global Business Opportunity
Well-known courtesan. Less well-known... also the head of a burgeoning new crime syndicate, dealing in blackmail, trading of secrets, and smuggling high-value items such as stolen gems, designer drugs and exotic poisons.

 

[Psion]

Elinor Flowers - Your 4th notice, Please respond
Half-elven, possibly a druid? Somehow, her first three urgent messages never reached you!

Gee... names and plot seeds!

 

[Breakdaddy]

I wish *I* got spam from kewl ppl like some of you guys, but I usually only get spam from American Express, veritas, and other boring people...

 

[Conaill]

I wish *I* got spam from kewl ppl like some of you guys, but I usually only get spam from American Express, veritas, and other boring people...

Just say the word, and we'll sign you up with some.

Of course, it helps that I haven't cleaned out my spam folder for a loooong time. I just deleted the 1000 oldest ones, plus everything over 40K. That made a little dent at least...

 

[Lola]

I'm going to have to let Lola answer for her cuteness and evilness for now. I'm headed out of town. But I'm quite sure I'm going to catch an earful for pimping her in this thread.

"Pimping"? What are you getting a cut of? Are they bribing you with signed copies of P-Cat's "Guide to the complete RBDM"? Because then I will be forced to demand a copy of "Guide to the evil Game-breaking backstabbing PC."

And now he's leaving... coincidence?

Lola does not think so. Lola thinks that this is in no way a coincidence. Lola thinks that this so called coincidence in indeed not coincidental, but directly linked! Directly linked, it is, to Lola's retribution. Lola's retribution to which it is linked, will be waiting for him to return. And when he returns, he will recieve the retribution of Lola!

note to self: combination of powerpuff girls with caffeine and sugar... bad

What's this here? Applicant henchmen/fanboys? I see you don't have an appointment, but I can probably make room on the schedule...

 

[Joshua Randall]

More Spam! My favorites are in bold.

Shed Fat - an Oriental crime boss, he's desperately trying to lose weight

Bowers Deiwick - a wealthy halfling merchant who deals in medicinal supplements

Jerahian - a cleric or paladin who meets the party on the street and says, "Hey buddy, look at this!"

Pierre Lott - a brilliant safecracker who hides a dark secret involving his inability to satisfy women

Allen C. Hagan - well dressed but mortally wounded, he crawls up to the party and manages to croak out, "The time has arrived!" before expiring

Angelique Silva - an heiress, she tries to interest the PCs in the "thousands" who are earning "huge incomes" in the far-off Bay of E____.

Alton Jorgensen - uh oh. your payment is past due. this guy comes to collect.

Jackson N. Godfrey - a surgeon, he offers to make a male PC's, umm, [censored] bigger

Elise Herndon - a religious fanatic, she intends to "kill all junk!"; however, her proselytizing is just as annoying

Sherry Groves - this nondescript woman sidles up the party and invites them to an "important reunion"... but with whom and for what purpose?

Brain Shepard - watch out! This merchant boasting of the "lowest prices anywhere" is really a mind-flayer in disguise.

Rolland Saenz - as soon as the PCs check into a hotel, this shady South American fellow arrives at their door to deliver pharmaceuticals that they didn't order. Who did?

Vance Nickerson - he wears dark clothes and keeps his hood pulled down over his head. Claims to be able to procure obscene images of somone called Paris Hilton (whose name is obviously fake).

June Rosario - she's sure that she saw the PCs somewhere before, but can't remember. Amnesia, or sinister plot?

Landon Correa - a Star Wars d20 name if there ever was one. He's searching for the best Christmas toy for his terminally ill son, and willing to use lethal force to get it.

 

[Rel]

More Spam! My favorites are in bold.

Those are great. I started this thread mostly for laughs but it has given me a lot more good NPC names that I thought it would. Keep em' comin'!

 

[Macbeth]

Olive Grove- A druid of some sort.

Cellular Seeker- A ranger seeking for the prison that holds his long lost brother. (His brither is in a cell... And he is seeking it...)

Approval Agent- A government officer, or maybe a extension of a lawful outer plane.

 

[Hypersmurf]

Oooh... Definiteness D. Multifarious.

I think I'd drop the "-ness", though.

Definite D. Multifarious. He needs a long thin black moustache he can twirl...

-Hyp.