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NOW LIVE! Into the Woods--new character species, eerie monsters, and haunting villains to populate the woodlands of your D&D games.
Fall Ceramic DM - Final Round Judgment Posted!
- Thread starter mythago
- Start date
Sialia
First Post
Ah, Mythago, you warm my heart. I did that montage especially for you several rounds ago when you were a competitor.
Its been sitting through a couple of competitions now without getting chosen, so I had pretty much given up on it.
Good luck to the competitors! I eagerly await.
Its been sitting through a couple of competitions now without getting chosen, so I had pretty much given up on it.
Good luck to the competitors! I eagerly await.
orchid blossom
Explorer
It's always good to have Sialia things. 
Inspirational, to say the least.
Inspirational, to say the least.
mythago
Hero
Firelance - The Gnomish Word for Word
Great ideas, cool plot twist. I wish the execution had been a little smoother.
The picture use was also quite nice. The sign was particularly oddball, but it's not the weak point; that was the bridge, where the villain conveniently lured the hero. (Surely there is an easier way?) The dialogue in the story was a big problem, and unfortunately when dialogue suffers, plot and characterization do too. We're often told things rather than being shown them (i.e. hearing them through the characters). There are a lot of awkward phrasings, like repeating "Quill of Aureon" over and over in the first couple of paragraphs--you really only needed to mention it once, and then if you say "the Quill" we surely know which one you mean.
The trick with the monotonous voice protecting from an evil spell was a nice touch. So was the bit about "That's a mirror of opposition!...er, or not." But, again, the prose used to describe these things often came off awkwardly. The fight read more like an account of a story hour than a suspenseful narrative.
With reworking I can see this really being a first-rate story.
Great ideas, cool plot twist. I wish the execution had been a little smoother.
The picture use was also quite nice. The sign was particularly oddball, but it's not the weak point; that was the bridge, where the villain conveniently lured the hero. (Surely there is an easier way?) The dialogue in the story was a big problem, and unfortunately when dialogue suffers, plot and characterization do too. We're often told things rather than being shown them (i.e. hearing them through the characters). There are a lot of awkward phrasings, like repeating "Quill of Aureon" over and over in the first couple of paragraphs--you really only needed to mention it once, and then if you say "the Quill" we surely know which one you mean.
The trick with the monotonous voice protecting from an evil spell was a nice touch. So was the bit about "That's a mirror of opposition!...er, or not." But, again, the prose used to describe these things often came off awkwardly. The fight read more like an account of a story hour than a suspenseful narrative.
With reworking I can see this really being a first-rate story.
RangerWickett
Legend
OMG, the musical.
Just tossing out an idea I had. I have rarely flexed my lyrical muscles, but I'd love to write the title song of this play.
Just tossing out an idea I had. I have rarely flexed my lyrical muscles, but I'd love to write the title song of this play.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
I'm ready to go anytime after today, but I'd prefer later in the week if possible. Whatver works is cool, though.
Berandor
lunatic
Sparky pt.II
I'm back.
Sparky, sorry for being so hectic yesterday. I ran a little short on time, so here's my "second part"
What I liked abotu your story was definitely the background: the river people, the monks using "slaves" (and magical masks) to learn about people's secrets, the Path of the Serpent. It's a very rich world.
Imala was a nice character, the old woman who stood for her beliefs all her time, so much so that she is ready to lie to defend her beliefs - the same steadfastness that helped here could also bring ruin about.
Ahanu only going along with it for his wife was a nice touch. From having two recent fathers (and one "in the making") I can attest that they do things for their wives and children they wouldn't do otherwise (and the other way around, of course).
The "Path of Serpent" pic was a weak use, because we never understand the importance of this rock formation. The mask was used nicely, going for the creepy side of it, not the funny one. The hura was a great detail (I just noticed the serpent motif). The letters were interesting as a sign of Akando coming to his senses, but I thought the hinted-at idea of Akando not being able to transcribe his own death and therefore stuttering along would have been a stronger idea. Anyway, this pic is quickly forgotten again.
As I said, your story wasn't all bad, and I hope from my previous comments you didn't get this idea.
Good Luck in the current round!
I'm back.
Sparky, sorry for being so hectic yesterday. I ran a little short on time, so here's my "second part"
What I liked abotu your story was definitely the background: the river people, the monks using "slaves" (and magical masks) to learn about people's secrets, the Path of the Serpent. It's a very rich world.
Imala was a nice character, the old woman who stood for her beliefs all her time, so much so that she is ready to lie to defend her beliefs - the same steadfastness that helped here could also bring ruin about.
Ahanu only going along with it for his wife was a nice touch. From having two recent fathers (and one "in the making") I can attest that they do things for their wives and children they wouldn't do otherwise (and the other way around, of course).
The "Path of Serpent" pic was a weak use, because we never understand the importance of this rock formation. The mask was used nicely, going for the creepy side of it, not the funny one. The hura was a great detail (I just noticed the serpent motif). The letters were interesting as a sign of Akando coming to his senses, but I thought the hinted-at idea of Akando not being able to transcribe his own death and therefore stuttering along would have been a stronger idea. Anyway, this pic is quickly forgotten again.
As I said, your story wasn't all bad, and I hope from my previous comments you didn't get this idea.
Good Luck in the current round!
