Female Enboard members I need some advice....

[the Jester]

Ask her.

As a guy who was a nerd in school but later learned how to get all the ladies he wanted, I have to say that the first step to success is to try, and the surest way to fail is not to try.

Besides, what do you have to lose? You aren't really friends anyway, right?

 

[grimwell]

I'm not a girl but my wife says to go Nike on her.

Odds are actually high that she will say yes unless you are in dire need of a shower. A nice date at a safe location is ideal to get to know a person better.

 

[alsih2o]

So... How many of those who have posted here so far are females...? 0-1?

i am not a female, but i managed to get a great one to marry me, does that count for something ?

my senior yearbook was littered with "how come you never asked me out" sigs...usuaaly from girls i thought were out of my reach.

ASK HER!!!

 

[Dr Midnight]

I'm not sure if I'm happy or distressed about the fact that I haven't felt like you have for years.

My advice is to go for it, but try to put a cap on how you feel about her until something worth pursuing presents an opportunity. Developing a crush is fine, but thinking about her all the time might lead to madness and despair if you find that she doesn't care for you in the same way. I've been there, and it's like paper cuts on your soul. Plus, it makes for nice restraining orders.

 

[maddman75]

Agree with Doc Midnight completely - except I'd say that crushes are not fine. The longer you sit and fantasize about it, the more value her answer will build up in your mind. Thus, the more nervous and uncomfortable you'll be when you finally go for it.

Go for it. It will never get any easier, but it will get harder if you wait.

Good luck!

 

[takyris]

Frankly, I think I'm in the minority here.

I'd argue a little restraint. Asking her out right out of the blue is going to freak her out. She'll get uncomfortable and say no, and then all you'll have to show for it is the knowledge that you tried, did your best, wasn't your fault, just wasn't meant to be. Which is garbage. That's you shooting yourself in the foot with a lousy attempt and then trying to pass it off as fate.

Talk to her first. Get into conversations with her. Relax. Bring up common interests. THEN work out a way to get into a group thing that she is also at -- where you will be witty and funny and a cool guy who bathed recently and uses a nice cologne and dresses nicely, too.

THEN, at the end of a conversation, you could try asking her to coffee "to continue the conversation."

But just saying, "I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU, PLEASE DATE ME!" ain't gonna help.

-Tacky

 

[The Forsaken One]

"I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU, PLEASE DATE ME!"

We we're talking a more subtle approach with "just a tad different" choise of words. As more in the diplomacy/charisma check kinda thing... for crying out loud this is a straight intimidation check

 

[alsih2o]

But just saying, "I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU, PLEASE DATE ME!" ain't gonna help.

-Tacky

i was giving the darklanced one a little more credit than that

 

[takyris]

Well, no offense intended, seriously, but if he's so socially adept, why is he asking us what to do?

If he does it right, sure, it could work. It could STILL not work, which would be a bummer, but, I agree, better by a lot than not trying.

OR he could do it wrong, rush up red-faced and stammering, and end up looking antisocial and weird. That would be worse than not trying, frankly.

The best advice would be to get relaxed about it and don't get all wrapped around the axle. The best girlfriend would be the one who starts out as a friend -- someone you can talk and laugh and make dumb jokes with and not worry about your image or whether you're cool enough for her.

All that said -- better to try (correctly) than not.

-Tacky

 

[Felix]

You're not getting any luck finding women to answer your question.

I was studying in Beijing, living in the foreign students dorm last year when one day this bombshell of a korean girl moves in next door. We start hanging out fairly often. After a while, I'm going nuts and my non-drinking friend of mine went to bars with me so I could bare my soul, so to speak. Being a direct guy (not quite as direct as John Nash in "A Beautiful Mind", but close) I decided to tell her how I felt and ask her out.

I spent all day one day setting up a nice dinner with wine and flowers, and reservations to floor her.

Well, I told her and got "let down easy". She never got to the resturant to see the time and effort I put into the night.

AND I'M OK!

Sure, I would have liked for her to have said yes, but I don't think I could have perpetuated that situation where this georgeous girl is LIVING NEXT DOOR and I keep it bottled up. It was a relief. I got it off my chest.

And we're still friends. She is visiting from S. Korea this semester (me, and some other folks).

I put in a lot of effort that she never saw. And still I am glad that I did it. I am proud that I did it. Next time the sappy romantic stuff will come easier, and be more natural.

My advice: Friday night dinner (nothing fancy, nothing bargan basement) that you pay for. Movie, you pay for tickets. If you're lucky and the weather is still nice, go for ice cream afterwards. Be a nice guy. Ask LOTS of questions. DON'T talk about your 13th level beastmaster.

Good luck.