Female Enboard members I need some advice....

[Paladin]

If it goes well (meaning that you talk a bunch and get no homework done) then move on to coffee or whatever.

I think I'm getting too old...do teenagers "go for coffee, or is this guy in college? And I definately don't remember ever "going for ice cream", that seems too '50's. Going to find a new unusual place to put in a piercing seems more appropriate now.
Can you ask her out in a group? Maybe that won't seem so much like a date, but you get the same effect of a date on the "get to know each other" level. Maybe just say "Hey, a bunch of us are headed to "insert nearest cool place here", would you like to come along? Besides, if she sucks as a conversationalist, at least there are other people to start talking to! Like I said, I'm old and this might not work anymore....Paladinwife

 

[Rel]

I'm not exactly "The Ladies Man" but I've done a bit of dating (back in the day) and managed to stay married to a great woman for over 7 years. Here's my take:

I think most people make up their mind about whether someone is "datable" in the first 5 minutes they meet them. There are times when someone might change their mind after they get to know you better, but I'd say that is the exception to the rule.

Therefore, I'll bet she already has an opinion on whether she would go out with you and all you are doing by asking is finding out the answer to that question. Do it. The sooner the better.

And since you say that you keep getting interrupted when you try to talk, go for coffee or to a park where you can talk. It's better than a movie where you can't (or at least shouldn't) talk and you sit there the whole time unable to enjoy the movie because you are worried about whether you should hold her hand or not.

I agree wholeheartedly with those who say, "I regret the things I haven't done that I should have a lot more than I regret those that I shouldn't have done but did."

 

[takyris]

Okay, the thread has gone on long enough, you're obviously in need of modern dating advice.

Step One: Get her to your place. My advice is to kidnap her father. Girls really like this. You kidnap the father, you throw him in the basement, and eventually she heads over to your place to find him -- probably coming after the cell phone trace or something. If she calls the cops instead, you know that she was probably too uptight.

Step Two: Get her to stay. A tried and true method is to talk about how her father is soooo gonna die come winter in that basement, unless she agrees to take his place. She agrees, and you order a room prepared for her, with her to be surrounded in luxury as long as she never looks at your masked or shadowed face. Right there, you've set up mystery, you're showing a bit of wealth but nothing flashy, and you've gotten rid of dad -- 'cause you don't want Dad around while you're macking on the babe.

Step Three: Turn on the charm. This is the point where your natural charm, along with the natural mystery of never letting her see your face and stuff, really works for you. She's getting curious, you've slowly opened up and shown her that you can be kind... It also helps if you have a talking candelabra. Women just go nuts over talking candelabras. Since she's gonna start trying to see what you look like, I recommend a big black silk veil or something else that's sort of sexy and mysterious but not quite over the line into Friend of Dorothy territory.

Step Four: Let her go. This one is counterintuitive. You go, "Oh, dude, your father needs you, you should go," and you let her leave, and you sigh and be all melodramatic. If you had surreptitiously taken tissue samples from her while she slept to clone a race of slave women, you can also show that to her and then turn it off, telling her you respect her too much as a person to create a bunch of her-shaped slaves. So yeah, let her go. And don't even put a surreptitious tracer in the medallion you give her to remember you by.

Step Five: She comes back. They always do. They're getting hit on by some neo-pagan at Starbucks who's talking about aura reading and whales, and she starts thinking, "Dang, that guy with the veil and the candelabra who held me prisoner for a few months is starting to seem pretty good. And that time when we did the dance number in formal wear while Angela Lansbury sang in the background, that was kinda cool." She comes back, she unmasks you, she sees that you're not horrible-looking, you're just a thin guy with a pale face from too much gaming and not enough outdoor team sports, and possibly a little acne, but come on, everyone's got a LITTLE acne.

Step Five(a): Ideally, this is the part where the mob her father has raised comes and attacks you. Your talking candelabra and his buddies should beat them off with no trouble, but if you're REALLY lucky, some big jock who also had a crush on her will attack you, and you can kick his butt by pelting him with corn starch packets and shouting "Lightning bolt, lightning bolt, lightning bolt!" And then she'll save you right as he's about to kill you from behind, and he'll be gone, and you'll be together, and possibly magic fairies will make beams of light shoot out of your hands and turn you much more handsome. Not always, but sometimes.

Hope this helps.

-Tacky

PS: If any of that doesn't work, well, you didn't really turn off ALL of the female-slave-clone machines, did you?

 

[BOZ]

ROFL

 

[Krail Stromquism]

Shovels for TEETH!

Darklance,

I had the EXACT same dream not more than 7 or 8 years ago. As our eyes locked across the classroom of blurred insignificant faces I stood up and walked over to her, I smiled and began to speak "I belong to you."

I said. The girl looked up at me and looked sad. She stood up on her desk and Screamed. Her mouth got gigantic and her teeth werent teeth at all but instead rusty dirty shovels.

Then she bit me.

Later when the scene began to unfold in the real world, I got incredibly nervous. I was twirling my pen and dropped it and OFCOURSE it rolled over to the girl. She picked it up and held it out for me, smiling. I reached out to take the pen, trying to control my hand from shaking. I could see the confusion on her face as to why my hand trembled so much. She looked almost relieved when I finally took hold of the pen. Our hands lightly touched.

Thats when I puked.

Not only did I puke, upchuck and vomit. I continued to do so as I ran out of the room. As best as I recall, I puked 8 times. Once on her, once on my desk, again in the room, then 5 more times in the hallways and stairs.

In the end, it all worked out for the best.

No we didnt have a good laugh about it or anything. We never spoke, let alone looked at each other in class or in the halls until graduation. One of my friends ended up dating her and they went their seperate ways. The last he heard of her was her and some of his more unsavory friends like to hang out and smoke crack among other things. So hey, no worries!

Whats the moral of my story?

Remember all woman hate being vomitted on but if you do it may drive them to use drugs so dont date them cause they might end up having shovels for teeth afterall.

Cheers!

 

[reapersaurus]

Step One: Get her to your place.

This is one of the sublimely hilarious posts I've ever read on these boards.

*Standing Ovation*

 

[Tyr]

Darklance,

I'm not going to tell you that your dream was fate or destiny calling you and telling you that anything with this girl was meant to be. What I will tell you is that Babe Ruth held the home run record but he also held the strikeout record too. The only thing I can tell you is go for it, the worst is you tried, the best is you are happy and that is all you can ask for

But that is just my opinion, I could be wrong

 

[toberane]

That's a really bad idea. If you become "friends" with her, you're going to have to change the whole dynamic when you tell her you want something more. You don't want her thinking of you that way.

I have to agree with this statement wholeheartedly. And also disagree. Wholeheartedly.

Let me explain.

I'm 31, and was never exactly what you'd call shy. I easily fit the definition of an extrovert (Heck, I acted in plays and played in a rock band), but when it came to asking girls out I was very shy and afraid of rejection. So, naturally, I got to know lots and lots of girls, many of whom were some of my best friends throughout high school and college.

And after talking with most of them years later, I found out the same thing almost across the board. "If you would have asked me out when we first met I would have dated you. Now that we are friends, though, I just don't see you in that way." I never realized that I was attractive at that time, but now that I'm 13 years older and weigh about 100 pounds more than I did when I was a senior in HS, every woman looks at pictures of me from high school and tells me how hot I was.

Now, here's the "I disagree" part. I met my wife 8 years ago. She had just gotten divorced and her husband had left her when she was pregnant. She needed a friend, and that's what I was. Then we became more. I have recently seen other women who are a bit more mature make the transition from friend to girlfriend quite well, and they are some of the best relationships I've seen.

Most High School girls (and many in college and beyond) aren't mature enough to make that leap, from friend to lover. I sat around and watched all my female friends for years date jerky guys for years on end, but the same girls would meet a nice guy who they could be friends with, and they would break up within about 2 weeks. Judging from my high school experience, I think she's more likely to go out with you if you walk up to her confidently and ask her out rather than trying to be friends first.

And back to the "However's", I never stopped trying to be friends first. I knew that when it really worked out, I'd have the best relationship I could possibly have. And that's what happened. My wife is my best friend, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, I guess what I'm saying, is do whatever you want to. Ask her out, or don't ask her out. Be friends first, or don't. If she turns you down, or if you don't ask her out at all, you'll be eaten up by regret or pain for a little while, until the next time to encounter this feeling. Because it will happen again. Everyone talks about taking opportunities when they come along, but I've found that there are always opportunities out there if you keep you eyes open.

 

[toberane]

Step Five(a): Ideally, this is the part where the mob her father has raised comes and attacks you. Your talking candelabra and his buddies should beat them off with no trouble, but if you're REALLY lucky, some big jock who also had a crush on her will attack you, and you can kick his butt by pelting him with corn starch packets and shouting "Lightning bolt, lightning bolt, lightning bolt!" And then she'll save you right as he's about to kill you from behind, and he'll be gone, and you'll be together, and possibly magic fairies will make beams of light shoot out of your hands and turn you much more handsome. Not always, but sometimes.

LOL! ROFLAO!

Can't . . . breathe. . .must. . .stop. . . .laughing!

 

[toberane]

I agree wholeheartedly with those who say, "I regret the things I haven't done a lot more than I regret those that I haven't."

::rereading last sentence several times::

Nope. Still doesn't make sense.