Filkin’ around again...

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Filkin’ around again...

Vecna’s World
(Based on Fluke’s “Atom Bomb”)

Vecna had a man named Kas
A master swordsman underboss
Traitor cut him up some
I ain't ever seen so much fun
Vecna got a poison gas
Vecna got a heart attack
Vecna got a pain on tap
Vecna gimme some of that
Vecna got a undead knight
Vecna got second sight
Vecna got a master plan
A foolproof master plan
Vecna got no more hair
Vecna got a secret lair
Vecna got an army there
I ain't ever seen Vecna scared
Vecna got eternal fires
Used ‘em for funeral pyres
Vecna got an alibi
Vecna got eight more lives
Vecna got a crystal ball
Vecna doesn't care at all
Vecna’s having too much fun
He's got a ass kickin' mother blastin' meteor swarm
Vecna got a fleet at sea
And contingencies for emergency
Vecna got a demon head
Vecna got a dragon tail
Going coast to coast to bottle banshee wail
Dealing tarot cards under evil star
He got a evil monk as a body guard
He got a juju charm, he got a magic spell
He got a genie- all three is working well
He got a puppet show
He got a torture wall
He got a miracle
He really does want at all
He got a monument and at a great expense
He got a fallen saint in his residence
He got destiny
He got supremacy
He got everything from a-z
He got it all down tight
He got nothing wrong
He got the whole wide world singing Vecna’s song
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Horned Chthon Women
(Based on “Honky Tonk Woman” by The Rolling Stones)

I met a gin soaked, bar-room queen- a Tiefling
She tried to take me downstairs for a ride.
She had to heave me right across her shoulder
'Cause I just can't seem to drink you off my mind.

It's the horned chthon women
Gimme, gimme, gimme the horned chthon blues.

I laid a Dragonborn in Clerk's Ward Sigil,
I had to put up some kind of a fight.
The lady then she covered me in roses,
She blew my nose and then she blew my mind.

It's the horned chthon women
Gimme, gimme, gimme the horned chthon blues.
 
I love these! I've been a fan of the genre since first hearing Leslie Fish's "Banned from Argo." Perhaps I'll post a few of my own Filk songs soon. Do you have any recorded performances of these?
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Thanks for the compliment!

Alas, although I do have musical skills, instruments and recording gear, I have never recorded myself outside of some practice sessions for my own future reference. And I’ve never even tried to play any of the filks I have posted here over the years.
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Mace of Spades
(Based on Motörhead’s “Ace of Spades”)

If you’re hunting undead, I tell you I'm your man
You find some, lose some, it's all the same to me
My pleasure is to slay, makes no difference what you say
I don't share your greed, the only thing I need is
The Mace of Shades, the Mace of Shades!

Swinging for the high one, dancing with the devil
Going with the flow, it's all a game to me
Shadows or a Banshee, black eyes watching you
Double damage hit, undead skulls I split
The Mace of Shades, the Mace of Shades!

You know I'm born to lose, adventuring's for fools
But that's the way I like it, baby
I don't wanna live for ever
And don't forget the Death Knight

Tracking down the vampire, I know we’ve got to stake him
See him and weep- the dead man's back again
I see it in his eyes, take one look and die
The only thing I need, you know it's gonna be
The Mace of Shades, the Mace of Shades!
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Favored Enemy: The Ranger’s Song
(Based on Sofi Tukker’s “Best Friend”)

I think that I'll keep hating you, way past sixty-five
We made a language for us two, we don't need to describe
Every time I see your kind, I feel a dark thrill
You’re my Favored Enemy, I've got some blood to spill

Yea, I’m gonna fight you at the bar! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you at the bridge! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you on the plains! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you lakeside! Okay!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you in the east! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you in the west! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you in the woods! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you at the pass! Okay!

I think that I'll keep hating you, way past sixty-five
We made a language for us two, we don't need to describe
Every time I see your kind, I feel a dark thrill
You’re my Favored Enemy, I've got some blood to spill

That's the way it is
That's the way it goes
It's just us two, it's deja-vu, it's what we know
That's the way we like it, don't complicate
No need to fight it, just invite it
Yea-a-ah

"Because it’s obvious there’s no love
Ain’t nobody bugged me like you’ve done
I have hate burning with a great passion
Perhaps the first and the last in my life
Ranger trained to slay my foes
I’m so dangerous like some dire boar
No, no need to be vague like
1, 2, 3, it’s stab, cut, thrust

Wanna be my new foe? We got nothing in common
We can fight 'bout nothin', spill the blood, we got blood to spill

Yea, I’m gonna fight you at the bar! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you at the bridge! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you on the plains! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you lakeside! Okay!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you in the east! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you in the west! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you in the woods! RAHR!
Yea, I’m gonna fight you at the pass! Okay!

I think that I'll keep hating you, way past sixty-five
We made a language for us two, we don't need to describe
Every time I see your kind, I feel a dark thrill
You’re my Favored Enemy, I've got some blood to spill

Yo, you wanna
Yo, you wanna
Yo, you wanna fight?
Yo, you wanna
Yo, you wanna
Yo, you wanna fight?
Yo, you wanna
Yo, you wanna
Yo, you wanna fight?
Yo, you wanna
Yo, you wanna
Yo, you wanna fight?
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Regimental Anthem for the Invisible Infantry of Earlann, composed by company bugleer, Égac N’hoj
(Based on John Cage 4'33”)
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Arcane And You Know It
(Based on Lmfao – Sexy And You Know It)

Yeah, yeah
When I float on by, girls be looking like damn- he Fly!
I stroll to the beat, walking on the street and my leather squeaks, yeah
This is how I roll, black leather straps, cape outta control,
It's Hennet with the spikey hair
And like bard Devis I got the flair

Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... I cast spells
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... I cast spells

When I’m wielding my Rod (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got magic in my hands and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it

I’m arcane and you know it
I’m arcane and you know it

Yeah
When I'm on the wall, my Fireball sure can fight them off
And when I'm at the breach, I use a Scorching Ray trying to fry their cheeks (what)
This is how I roll, come on ladies it's time to go
We delvin’ Underdark, baby don't get frightened
No tomes, no scroll, and I still throw Lightning (watch)

Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... I cast spells
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... I cast spells

When I’m wielding my Rod (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got magic in my hands and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it

I'm arcane and you know it!
I'm arcane and you know it!
I'm arcane and you know it!

Check it out
Check it out
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah, yeah
Do the wiggle man
I do the wiggle man
Yeah
Yeah I'm arcane and you know it!

Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... I cast spells
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... Girl look at my gestures
Ah... I cast spells

Yeah I'm arcane and you know it!
 
Thanks for the compliment!

Alas, although I do have musical skills, instruments and recording gear, I have never recorded myself outside of some practice sessions for my own future reference. And I’ve never even tried to play any of the filks I have posted here over the years.
I've written a few filk songs myself. I also have musical expertise and recording equipment. Perhaps an online collaboration is in order?
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Well, like I said, I haven’t even recorded myself. Barely know how that stuff works.

But I bet if you did a few and posted them, you’d get some XP!
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
L’Timm “Spells that Go Boom”
(Based on L’Trimm’s “Cars that go boom”)

So many tomes, where can I start?
Yeah, I like them dull and I like them sharp.
I like the ones with the flashy glyphs,
Well I like all kinds of bits.
Stop. What happened, how about the ones I especially like?
Which ones?
You know the ones with the spells that go...
You hear me...
Hit it!

I like them big, and I like them small,
I like them one, and I like them all.
I’m always adding storage when I find the room,
‘Cause I also like the wands, rods and staves that go boom.
See, I’m a busy man with no time to waste
I wanna stop my foes with all due haste
I can cast other spells, but won’t make it a habit
Whatever I sling had best work on rabbits.

I like the spells, the spells that go boom,
I’m Tim the Enchanter and I like the boom.
I like the spells, the spells that go boom,
I’m Tim the Enchanter and I like the boom.

It was me all alone ’gainst Bunny, yeah
I was cruising in the fens and the heather there
When lo and behold there appeared a mirage,
He was chewing up a knight, left a bloody visage.
I stopped short, did a double take,
He was looking so small, I thought I wasn't awake.
He was obviously taking his time, I asume,
But then he took a second nibble and the knight was doomed.

I like the spells, the spells that go boom,
I’m Tim the Enchanter and I like the boom.
I like the spells, the spells that go boom,
I’m Tim the Enchanter and I like the boom.

Now if your scrolls ain't got it, go out and get it,
You need the boom and don't you forget it.
So turn down the necro, and explode your space,
So your awesome can be heard almost any place.
‘Cause when you're in the hills you can't go far,
Without hearing the boom pouring out your car.
So if your spellcraft’s weak, then please just walk out,
‘Cause I like the spells that leave no doubt.

I like the spells, the spells that go boom,
I’m Tim the Enchanter and I like the boom.
I like the spells, the spells that go boom,
I’m Tim the Enchanter and I like the boom.

Everybody just wave your wand
Everybody just wave your wand if you hear me,
Now cast!
Hit it!
Boom, Boom Boom Boom Boom!
Come on everybody!
Hey, hey hey hey hey!
Boom, Boom Boom Boom Boom!
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Llolth’s Drider Song
(Dreidel song)

I made a brand new Drider
I made it just today
And when it's spry and ready
With Drider I shall play.

Oh, Drider, Drider, Drider
I made you just today
Oh, Drider, Drider, Drider
Now you and I shall play.

It has a lovely body
With legs so long and thin
It never gets all tired
It kills and thus I win.

Oh, Drider, Drider, Drider
I made you just today
Oh, Drider, Drider, Drider
Now you and I shall play.

My Drider is so deadly
It loves to cast and spin
A happy game for Drider
Come play now, let's begin.

Oh, Drider, Drider, Drider
I made you just today
Oh, Drider, Drider, Drider
Now you and I shall play.
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
From the thread about the 5Ed spell giving combat bonuses for getting hitched.

I got some chainmail on my body goin' jing-a-ling-a-ling
Wanna to call you on the crystal ball baby, a-give you a ring
But each time we talk, I get the same old thing
Always no delv-ee no slay-ee until I get a weddin' ring
My honey my baby, don't put my love upon no shelf
She said “Don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself!”

B-B-B-baby baby baby why you wan' treat me this way
You know I'm still your lover boy, I still feel the same way
That's when she told me a story, 'bout free milk and a cow
And said no delv-ee no slay-ee until I get a weddin' vow
My honey my baby, don't put my love upon no shelf
She said “Don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself!”

Hold it here

See I wanted her real bad, and I was about to give in
But that's when she started talking about TRUE LOVE,
Started talking about SIN
And I said, honey I'll live with you for the rest of my life,
She said no delv-ee no slay-ee until you make me your WIFE-a
My honey my baby, don't put my love upon no shelf
She said “Don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself!”
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
TROGS STINK

Elves love wood
Dwarves, steel and stone
And Humans want everything
Orcs gnash on bone
And so it goes
'Til the day you die
This thing they call life
It's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing for sure

(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
Yeah, yeah
(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
Yeah, yeah
(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
Yeah, yeah
(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
Yeah, yeah

Delve by delve and spell by spell
Adventure finds you, yes, it can
It’s just as well
You'll heed its call
Your guard will fall
Then you will die
You’re gone, that's all
I don't care what any murderhobo thinks
All I can say is

(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
Yeah, yeah
(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
Yeah, yeah
(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
Yeah, yeah
(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
Yeah, yeah

Shoo doo wop
Shoo doo wop
Shoo doo wop, shoop, shoop
Shoo doo wop
Shoo doo wop

I've been through diamonds
And I've been through minks
I've been through it all

(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
Yeah, yeah
(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
Yeah, yeah
Breakdown

Trogs stink
(Trogs stink)
Yeah, yeah
(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
(Trogs stink)
Yeah, yeah
(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
(Trogs stink)
Yeah, yeah
(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
(I mean they stink)
Yeah, yeah

(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
(Trogs stink)
Yeah, yeah
(Trogs stink)
Trogs stink
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
The Illithid Supper Song

Brains- from a man took things over
Brains- not too loose, hard to swallow
Brains- leave behind a skull that’s hollow (Brains)
Brains- it's not your shame, it's just the flame
That burns your change to keep you insane (Brains)

Brains, (Brains)- yours are like a fine gazpacho
Brains, (Brains)- what you get is no tomorrow
Brains, (Brains)- maybe with a side of marrow (Brains)
Brains, (Brains)- it's mine, it's mine, it's just his line
A twist of lime, it to loosen the slime (Brains)

Is it any wonder I taste test you first?
Brains, Brains, Brains, Brains
Is it any wonder you are too cool to fool? (Brains)
Brains, bully for you, chilly for me
Got to get a rain check on pain (Brains)

Brains
Brains, Brains, Brains
Brains, Brains, Brains, Brains
Brains, Brains, Brains, Brains
Brains, Brains, Brains
Brains, Brains, Brains
Brains, what's your name?
Brains
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Just found one I forgot:

All I know is...

I'll never be your Drizzt do'Urden
My swords are broad and built for hurting
All I want is for you to make love to me
I'll never be your Drizzt do'Urden
I've walked for miles my feet are hurting
All I want is you to make love to me

Am I hard enough
Am I rough enough
Am I rich enough
I'm not too blind to see

I'll never be your Drizzt do'Urden
So let's go home and draw the curtains
Some bard on the patio
Come on baby make sweet love to me

Am I hard enough
Am I rough enough
Am I rich enough
I'm not too blind to see

Oh little sister
Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, girl
You're a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl
Pretty, pretty
Such a pretty, pretty, pretty girl
Come on baby please, please, please

I'll tell ya
You can put me out
On the street
Put me out
With no shoes on my feet
But, put me out, put me out
Put me out of misery

Yeah, all your sickness
I can suck it up
Throw it all at me
I can shrug it off
There's one thing baby
That I don't understand
You keep on telling me
I ain't your kind of man

Ain't I rough enough, ooh baby
Ain't I tough enough
Ain't I rich enough, in love enough
Ooh! Ooh! Please

I'll never be your Drizzt do'Urden
I'll never be your Drizzt do'Urden
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be

I'll never be your Drizzt do'Urden
My blades are sharp, my foes are hurting
All I want is you to make love to me,
Yeah

You don't need no Drizzt do'Urden
don't need no fussing
don't need no nursing
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be
 

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