Funny RP moments

[Zappo]

I was following this thread and kinda sad that I couldn't remember anything worth contributing, then

Another session, a Werewolf game...

Oooh, the White Wolf Botches (TM)! One of the reasons for which I dislike those games. The last vampire game I played in, there were two of us players, and we were supposed to go to the secluded mansion of another vampire and check whether the rumors of diabolism surrounding him were true. As soon as we arrived, this guy used a minor fear power on us. Both of us botched, and we ran away screaming. Then things got really funny.

We botched half of the rolls of the evening, and literally spent the following two hours running in circles and screaming from just about everything, occasionally getting hurt in comical ways. I was using willpower to cancel botches, and before half of the session I ran out of it and was still botching like hell. The other character eventually frenzied, killed someone, and rolled a ridiculous number of successes on his humanity check. So, the storyteller decided that he was completely overwhelmed by guilt, and here I am barely controlling myself with another supposedly cold-hearted child of the night sitting in the middle of the road and crying.

Then the owner of the cow (a PC being introduced actually, but this doesn't change anything) shows up, and I try to tell him some story, and horribly fail or botch all my bluffing rolls... good thing he was a PC or we'd have had to attack him and I'm sure that I would have got beaten - like the previous session where I wanted to suck some blood from a drunken sailor at the harbor, and rolled everything so poor that I ended up getting severely beaten and I got out of it with less blood than I started with.

If I ever play that character again, I'm going to get a habit of only rolling one or two dice per check. At least I won't roll 4 ones...

 

[RuminDange]

Got a few really good funny ones

While playing a Sci-Fi game based on the Rifts/Robotech had a player running upstairs on a world dominated by the spurgoth(sp). He was carrying a man-portable rocket launcher that held like four short range missiles. As he gets to the top of stairs he comes face to face with 2 Blind Warrior women and fires all four missiles at less than 10 ft. Blasts the hell of them but survives due to his own body armor and force field device, although he was left with nothing on. Completely nude he runs back downstairs to get to the rest of the party and escape. As he reaches the ground floor the party in an APC takes off leaving behind a field of armed missiles across the road. (Demolition expert armed them and they were planning to shoot them to set them off as the slaver barge on the otherside came around to give chase.)

Anyway they yell at the player to catch up and takes off running. However he stops and picks up two missiles and starts running to catch up. The group start yelling at him as the nude man with 2 armed missile is running up to the APC as they are slowing down for him. Meanwhile the slaver barge comes around the corner and starts opening fire on the group. They finally get the player to stop, lay the missiles down and jump the APC, take off and set of the missile trap before they are all blasted or blown up. To this day that player hasn't lived this one down.


RD

 

[RuminDange]

Can't resist.
Same game, same character as before.
But a little later in the campaign after he had a time to bond with a rune weapon and other stuff happens in the game.
He goes back to the world dominated by Sprulgoth (this is like the 4th trip to this world) after escaping being caught, enslaved, freed by other members of the group to recover the Rune Weapon that they took from him. While spying on a camp of this BBEG that has his bonded rune weapon he is detected and the BBEG sends in a mech piloted by a cyborg.
He detects the approach of the mech and as the mech opens up with a chain rail gun he casts an illusion depicting him being hit and killed. The cyborg sets the mech to hover hops out into the building room his in laying on the floor pertending to be dead. As the cyborg approachs to check to make sure he is dead. He raises up and punches the borg in the knee with a mega-damage martial art manauver. Doing like 6 or so points of damage. The borg counters with a vibro-blade strike though the character's forehead ending that character for good since the players had left not wanting to captured again and told him he was on his own. Now the really funny part. The character had a powerful plasma pistol in one hand and a energy sword in the other (think lightsaber) and failed to use either when the borg approach. He had even said seconds earlier he was going to shot and slice, but forgot when I asked him what he was going to do.

RD

 

[David Howery]

Here's a couple from an old 2E campaign:
I think it was the second adventure for this group, and the party found themselves trading shots at a group of goblins on the far side of a big chasm, after wiping out another group on our side of it. Naturally, being first level, none of us could hit the broad side of a barn yet, and we found ourselves out of arrows and sling stones. We threw all our daggers and still had goblins left. My ranger, deeply frustrated, began throwing pieces of armor, his helmet, and his shield, and the rest of the party joined in, dodging goblin arrows all the while (yeah, if the arrows survived, we shot them back, but after a while, there weren't any left on either side). Finally, when there wasn't anything left to throw, my ranger got the brilliant idea to chop up the dead goblins and throw body parts as missile weapons. The poor DM was rather baffled, trying to figure out how many minuses we had to hit and just how much damage did a goblin head do, etc. After what had to have been an hour of in-game time, we finally picked off the last goblin with a nicely thrown foot...
Another time, when I was running a cleric, the DM informed me that I had somehow detected that someone was using magic to read his mind. After fumbling around for I response, I finally did the 'obscene phone call' routine. "Hey baby, I love you. Are you naked? Guess what I'm doing?" (you have to imagine the heavy breathing going on at the same time). Again, the poor DM was a little flabbergasted, and not quite sure how to respond... the other players all laughed at me, of course....

 

[abri]

We were playing a mage campaign 10 years in the future (so in 2007) and our groups decided to sneak in one of the modern templar HQ to steal back a prototype mind control implant. For mages we were very bad at magic but had a lot of skills and contact and were very well equipped.
Of course we were spoted in the HQ and had to start running. Thanksfully we had planned this and each of the characters was carrying a backpack rigged to explode after a 120 seconds delay, when it was thrown. Pursued by over 15 templars with submachineguns, my character throw his backpack at them, hopping they will try to defuse the bomb...
That's when I remembered that my character was carrying in his backpack over twenty pounds of experimental explosives.
"Oops, wrong backpack" is now synonym for "We're all gona die, run as fast as you can."

 

[Fenlock]

this is from a shadowrun game.
the group had just left a contact when the realized that they needed more information from him, so they turn around and drive back. but lone star (police force) and doc wagons (medics) cars are parked outside the contacts office building with a small crowd of onlookers. the group, wary by nature, was aware something was wrong, but did not know how to go about it. so they sat in their car and discussed it for some time, until the dwarven mercenary got fed up. he left the car, walked across the street, pushed his way through the crows, and tapped an officer on the arm asking: "excuse me, could you please tell me what is going on here?".
at that point i asked the player: "what exactly is your character wearing at the moment". where upon the player answered - as i hoped - "oh, the usual. heavy armor, assault rifle with grenade launcher and my necklace of elven ears."
At first he did not even understand why suddenly all the lone star officers was pointing their weapons at him and screaming for him to drop to the ground.

the group later rescued him from a prisoner transport using the riggers assault vehicle. it was cleaverly disguised as a delivery van for adult toys, with the assault cannon masked as a big pink product replica on the top of the roof.

/f

 

[Turanil]

A meeting with Asmodeus...

This adventure happened a long time ago in AD&D 2e.

We were three high level adventurers (beyond 14th level): a cavalier, a ranger, and a wizard, in front of a dungeon entrance inside a dead volcano. Using a ring of XRay vision plus a True Seeing spell, we saw a simple fiend standing guard behind the huge double door of the entrance. So, we decided to teleport and attack him by susrprise. The creature stood absolutely no chance against us. However, when we teleported in front of him he got the initiative. Instead of attacking, he simply crossed his arms across his chest and shout "I am Asmodeus! Surrender to me immdiately!!"

Believe it or not, instead of attacking we were paralyzed with hesitation for two or three minutes before we proceeded to chopp down the inconsequential demon.

 

[Inconsequenti-AL]

I was running a homebrewed Freeport game - lots of piracy, high seas and ships. We'd been playing for well over a year. Players had made their way into a cavern on a rowboat, the boat had been capsized by an unknown sea monster (elder Tonjanida (sic?)). Most of the party were swimming to the shoreline under threat of attack. It's all quite tense.

The parties Psion had a flying item and had avoided the water. He decides that distracting the monster is the right thing to do:

Psion: "I'm going to try to scare it off with my Psi powers!"
Me: "Fine. How are you going to do that?"
Psion: "I'm going to dive in the water...."
Me: "Yup. and then?"
Psion: "I'm going to polymorph."
Me: "Good idea - what form?"
Psion: "A salmon."
Me: "A salmon?"
Psion: "Yes, a juicy man sized salmon." (Exact quote!).
Me: "Have you thought this through?"

He decided to go with it.

Very sucessful distraction. Lots of giggling. The rest of the party had fun chasing the beastie around, trying to cut him out of it's stomach (he couldn't manage that by himself!). He still can't explain why he did it.

 

[Henry]

This one happened just yesterday...

...The Forgotten Realms Party is travelling through the underdark, when they free a Duergar Dwarf from captivity by a Mind Flayer. Cut off from the surface, and desperate for a guide, they pantomime to the Duergar that if they rest and recover spells, they can speak with him. They pantomime sleeping, casting, and talking.

The Dwarf, concerned that these strangers will kill him in his sleep, pantomimes himself sleeping, and then points to them and then imitates slitting his throat.

The speaker, seriously misunderstanding, nods his head yes.

They had to REALLY go through some pantomime to keep him from attacking in desperation.

He later said he thought he was saying they WOULDN'T kill him in his sleep - it made for some fun roleplay, though.

 

[Orryn Emrys]

We are currently playing a low-level homebrew Arcana Unearthed campaign. One of my players (Dark Eternal), who plays a magister, has been anxiously seeking an opportunity to summon an "electric monkey" ever since he discovered the conjure energy creature spells. Thus, nearly twenty sessions into the campaign, he finally realized his dream... I guess.

The party was trapped in a narrow tunnel, the chamber beyond guarded by an angry five-headed hydra. The passage was easily long enough to remain out of the beast's reach, but the party certainly wouldn't last forever... even though they had previously taken a beating in their first such encounter. Finally, determined to attempt to lure the creature heads into reach one at a time if necessary, the party's axe-wielding giant and the litorian get to their feet and move toward the exit.

"Wait," the magister says, springing to his feet, his face alive with inspiration, "let me try something first." The warriors paused to witness the wizard's forthcoming moment of genius. With a muttered incantation and a wave of his staff, the magister conjures an electric monkey just within the tunnel entrance. Without missing a beat, the monkey manages a single "ook" before one of the hydra's massive maws snatches it up with a critical hit and all that remains its a fading crackle of energy.

Stunned, the table gets real quiet for all of two-and-a-half seconds before the player of the litorian turns toward the clever magister and growls, in a characteristic deadpan, "So, what's your next plan...?"

Gales of laughter ensue....