Funny RP moments

[NewJeffCT]

OK, here is the scene. We were playing by the book, and this guy rolled up a barbarian character that was HUGE in size – nearly 7 feet tall and around 300 pounds. He even used an Arnold-like Austrian accent to voice him during role playing. So, a big, macho tough guy, no?

Scene 1: Barbarian travels to another land and meets party in a small city during some sort of big holiday festival. The barbarian is a fish out of water, as the people in this land are barely over 5 feet tall. A small waif of a 7 or 8 year old girl from the city attempts to pick Barbarian’s pocket, but he rolls high on his Spot check and sees her. So, you would think he would do what? He grabs the girl, turns her upside down and gets his money pouch back? Or, he laughs it off and is impressed by the girl’s bravery at swiping the pouch off a man that is 3 feet taller and probably 240 pounds heavier than her. No, he shouts out, “Help Guard, she grabbed my pouch!” Needless to say, the whole table broke up in laughter at the unintentional double entendre and he had a lot of one liners about the manliness of said barbarian.

Scene 2: later that evening, a performance at a crowded inn, a petite dancing girl (petite in this city is like 4'3" to 4’6”, probably) notices the huge barbarian and thinks he would make a good dance partner and a good image next to her. So, she drags him out to the floor during some rowdy music (other dancing girls dragged other patrons out as well.), and when it is over, we were supposed to toss coins onto the dance floor. So, of course, the rest of the party is enjoying this and we all toss coins out towards our barbarian. He then shouts, “Stop! You could put out my eye!” I think it took the group over 30 minutes to get our composure back after those torrents of laughter. Now, there was no doubt that our supposedly macho barbarian was not very manly.

 

[toberane]

I never got to play with this guy, but I have heard many, many many stories about him. He's the type of guy who, when playing D&D, just couldn't see what was wrong with carrying 10 ten foot poles, 20 torches, 3 months worth of supplies, etc. in his backpack.

Anyway, as near as I can tell, this is a pretty close representation of what a combat session with this player was like:

(We join our regularly scheduled combat already in progress.)
DM: You are hit for 23 points of damage.
Player: I'm still up.
(DM looks at player with suspicion.)
(Later: )
DM: You take 42 damage from the Fireball.
Player: Still up.
DM: Are you sure?
Player: Yep, still up.
DM: But you've taken 147 points of damage in the last four rounds.
Player: Still up.
DM: But you're only 6th level!

This same person later took a chainsaw to one of the main support beams in his attic because it was in his way.

I've heard so many stories about this guy I've often wanted to meet him, but no such luck yet.

 

[KainG]

I never got to play with this guy, but I have heard many, many many stories about him. He's the type of guy who, when playing D&D, just couldn't see what was wrong with carrying 10 ten foot poles, 20 torches, 3 months worth of supplies, etc. in his backpack.

That reminds me of my first game of AD&D in 2ed. We were infiltrating a vampire's castle in the middle of a swamp and had to get over the wall. That's when my brother said he pulls out his ten foot ladder out of his backpack. The DM, of course, was shocked. He asked him "How do you carry a ten foot ladder?!"

His reply: "Right next to my barrel of beer." LOL!

 

[Gnimish88]

The little halfling that could...

In a Warhammer Fantasy Roleplaying game, I was running a halfling footpad in a party with several high end fighter types. We were charged by 30 or so goblins and the GM calls for for Cool checks. Of the party, only my inexperienced halfling made the check. Not being a fool, my PC ran too, with the confused 'Guys?!? Their just goblins..." on his lips. Later, in the same session, we were charged by a couple dozen goblins on wolf back, and again, cool checks are called for. Again, my little halfling is the only one to make the check. With a disgusted "GUYS...!", he climbed a tree, took out the last goblin in the line, and led them on a wild chase away fromt he rest of the party. Had a lot of fun taunting the fighter types who ran from both encounters while my halfling stood fast.

 

[Turanil]

I've heard so many stories about this guy I've often wanted to meet him, but no such luck yet.

We have a player who is so much used to cheat at every opportunity, that we recently offered him the biggest d20 die we could buy (something you cannot really play with, about 5 to 10 times the size of a normal die). I think that he didn't realize we were mocking him in doing so.

 

[Zelgadas]

Back in 2nd Edition:

My fighter and his party (a wizard and a ranger) were raiding the local Mad Necromancer's Tower (TM), for fun and profit. We fight our way through his legion of the undead, right up to the highest room of the tower, his lab. We break down the door, only to see the Necromancer standing on the other side of the room, with a giant skeleton between us. This was no ordinary giant skeleton, though; it was a powerful one, and we were all around 2nd level. So, yelling that I'm going to distract the skeleton, I charge in to do battle with my quarterstaff, while the other two take on the Necromancer. Now, this skeleton is quite a lot more powerful than I am, and it takes me down to 2 or 3 hit points, while I've probably only hit it once. In desparation, I declare that I'm going to try to forcibly remove its shin-bone from its body, thus causing it to fall. The DM rules that I have to make an attack roll to grab it, then a Strength check to yank the bone out. Amazingly, I succeed both times, pulling the bone free with a mighty crack. The skeleton just stands there, stunned, for a second, swaying on its one remaining leg, then falls. On me.

I spent the rest of the fight trapped under a 200-pound skeleton, in negative hit points, until someone force-fed me a healing potion.

 

[Keeper of Secrets]

While running a game of Call of Cthulhu, the characters carefully stalked up to the house where a rather eerie individual lived, hoping for some information on a case. I described the house rather well, with all the creepy decor and dying trees. I also, almost as an afterthought, mentioned a rather warped and terrible looking garden gnome. Apparently, nobody in this group of five people had ever heard of or seen a garden gnome and immediately began discharging their firearms, leaving me totally bewildered (as I had no idea they did not know what I was talking about).

Eventually matters were straightened out but not before awakening the creepy man inside the house.

 

[milotha]

The Annoying Wild Mage

Steve was an annoying wild mage. He annoyed his fellow party members. He annoyed NPCs, but worst of all, he annoyed the GM. As time went on in the campaign, Steve’s character became a walking panoply of wild magic backfires and curses. His shoes squeaked, theme music played in the background, he smelled of elderberries. Steve’s character was headed for what could only be described as a bad end. At one point in a dungeon, our characters encounter an efreeti. My character began to negotiate our way out of the encounter. Steve’s character keeps interrupting. He is trying to trick/talk his way into getting a granted wish. This annoyed the efreeti and my character. At one point without thinking, I turned to Steve and said, “I wish you would just be quiet. You’re going to get us all killed here.” “Your wish is granted!” goes the efreeti gleefully. Poor Steve was permanently silenced. His character was reduced to hand gestures and writing for the rest of his short dungeoning career. A little while later, we encounter a Deck of Many Things. Steve, being a wild mage and having a 50% chance to choose to not encounter a drawn card, decides to draw 4 cards. Thus began the most disastrous series of draws from the Deck of Many Things that I have ever witnessed. First, he is instantly stripped of all possessions, this includes his prized spell book. He failed to avoid it. Then he gained enmity with an outer planes creature- the efreeti. He again failed to avoid it. He is granted 4 wishes, but the GM ruled that they would only be granted once he could speak again. Lastly, he drew dungeon and was instantly whisked away and imprisoned by- you guessed it- the efreeti. It was a text book ending. Note: all of the players including Steve’s player and the GM were rolling around on the floor in stitches at this turn of events.

Dragons and Dummies

After a summer at home, I returned to college and was eager to rejoin my college gaming group. It was my first session back, and the campaign had run a couple of times during the summer. I played a strong, fighter who was intelligent, but really unwise. The GM brought me back in by having my character contacted telepathically by the NPC mage/druid. I am told that the party is in danger. They are fighting a metal dragon, and they need my help immediately. She uses he mirror or mental prowess, and transports me right into the thick of things. (What really going on: The party has befriended a wounded silver dragon. The dragon was wounded in some way that prevented magical healing from working, so it had to rest and was extremely weakened. In addition, they were hunting down a clockwork metal dragon that had accidentally been unleashed on the countryside by some annoying gnomes. They are currently riding in a large metal steam powered cart that is shaped like a dragon. This cart was provided by the gnomes and has no working breaks. The party has tied themselves into the cart using their ropes of entanglement to prevent themselves from falling out.) Enter my character. I witness a large metal shaped dragon that has captured tied down my friends. I can’t hear anything above the racket of the steam powered cart. I proceed to cut the ropes- thus destroying the magic items in my attempt to liberate by captured comrades. The mage finally conveys that they are not captives of this strange metal dragon. OK, at this moment we enter a clearing, where there lies a large wounded silver dragon. My character fails to realize it’s a good dragon and shoots it with a +3 crossbow bolt. Nat 20 for max damage. Almost killing our friend the dragon. The mage yells at me again, and I realize my mistake- too late. Oh well! Now a few minutes later we enter come across the rampaging clockwork dragon. After a long battle, we finally defeat the beastie. Afterwards, my character is forced back to apologize to the dragon, which begrudgingly accepts the apology. The dragon is still in debt to the party and agrees to aid it at some point in the future.
Later in the campaign, many big mean human and orc raiders surround the party. All looks grim for our adventurers, but we concoct a cunning plan that involved using a cursed magic item and a single spell to save our bacon. This plan went the way that all cunning plans of this nature do in the hands of a devious DM. The plan was simple. The priest will cast silence. We will all stand in the silenced area. Meanwhile, the mage will hold the infamous chime of hunger outside the silenced area and ring it. While everyone but us is busy eating ravenously for many rounds, we will run to freedom. Ok, maybe it wasn’t the greatest plan. So, as the mage prepares to ring the chime, I notice our friend the silver dragon flying above the battleground. He has come to save the day. Quickly, I realize that our plan is now a problem. I try to stop the mage by jumping on him, but he rings the bell. At this moment, I turned to the GM and said the dragon is going to eat me. I just know it. He rolls in the open. The dragon fails its magic resistance. It fails its save. He rolls a d100 to determine what the dragon goes after for food. Each person is assigned a single number on the dice. He rolls my exact number. The dragon swoops down, rolls a natural 20. I was toast.


Failed Int Checks

Sometimes smart players can fail their intelligence checks. Another gaming group I was in encountered a floating talking skull in the middle of the dungeon. The skull claimed that it would answer any yes/ no question put before it. One for each character. Now, we were in one of those complex plot/politics games, so this seemed like a great opportunity to acquire some much needed information. Everyone sat down and tried to figure out what would be the best information to obtain, and one by one we went up and asked the skull. Meanwhile, the Barbarian player, who is a very smart person playing a very dumb and unwise fighter, has been fretting that there is no way to tell if the skull is telling the truth. We figure that there is no real way to determine this, but he is insistent that there must be some logical Alice in Wonderland before the Two Doors type question that will determine if the skull is lying. Finally, the GM turns to him and goes “It’s your turn!” The player goes “I’ve got it!” and asks “Do talking skulls lie?” To which the skull of course replies “No!” Having garnered zero information, the player turned bright red at his own stupidity. We all laughed, and forever afterwards anytime the player said he had a good idea, we asked him “Do talking skulls lie?”

 

[Mort]

The party is in the Underdark pursuing and being pursued by drow. They have met drow before and know that the drow used poisoned crossbow bolts. As such, the cleric casts slow poison on himself and figures if he gets hit, he’ll deal with it later.

Sure enough, they meet a group of drow and a melee ensues. The cleric takes 4 drow darts in the chest, but with the delay poison up, he doesn’t do anything about it(He failed one of the four saves which means the poison would take affect when the delay poison wore off). The party handily deals with the drow.

About a half hour later, the party sees a glyph on the wall about 10 feet away. They don’t want to take any chances because the last of these glyphs exploded as they were walking by.

At which point:

Cleric: I’ll cast anti-magic field (domain spell) before we walk near that glyph, that way it won’t go off.
Me: Ok, you cast the spell and then fall unconscious.
Cleric (and other PC’s): huh?
Me: The antimagic field suppressed the delay poison, the poison itself wasn’t magical so now takes effect.
Cleric: D’oh (palm to head).

The other pc’s then carry the cleric past the glyph (the anti-magic field is still up) and wait for him to wake up.

The cleric’s PC is now a lot more careful in monitoring effects on himself.

 

[Sherlock]

I was running a Top Secret game for two of my friends. Their first mission was to travel to Germany to pick up some classified documents from a german crime organization. The meeting was held at a warehouse at a marina of a large lake. They messed up the meeting and started shooting. One of the german mafia types escaped and ran for a boat. They chased after him and shot him dead just before he got away. One of the civilians at the marina after seeing them gun down the man grabs a oar and tries to stop them. They karate kick him and knock him in into the water. By this time security guards show up. They jump in a boat and head out in to the lake and are shortly followed by a police boat. A running gun fight across the lake ends with the deaths of the two policemen in the boat. But the agents boat is all shot up so they take the police boat and the police's M-16's. Now a police heliocoper shows up and more gun fire insues with the M-16's finally shooting down the heliocoper. The land the boat and head through some woods to a highway. They then flag down a car and get a ride. It turns out that the owner of the car is a local police chief headed to the lake. The police chief pulls a gun but gets disarmed. They take him into the forest and tie him to a tree. The sell the car and make their way back to the US. Needless to say their bosses where not happy!