Gamers who want to date gamers

[Henry]

These threads are fascinating to me in that they share so much about a person's outlook, but if it breaks the board rules, it will be closed.

--------------------

My opinion?

Shared interests are great, but it's not a requirement to share everything. The one, single requirement for long-lasting happy marriages is friendship. Before you can truly love someone, you have to like them.

My best friend is my wife; we can share our dreams together, we share stories about who cut us off on the interstate today, or which child in class was an unholy terror, or who we think will be the Next American Idol. We like some music alike, and we have some favorites in TV shows, but she's not a gamer, she loves to do some occasional partyin' and clubbin', and I don't. She hates history, I love it. But the day I can't share my thoughts and feelings with her, is the day that something's wrong.

You don't have to share your gaming hobbies with your mate; but with true love and respect comes understanding of what makes you tick, and how important your hobbies and dreams are to one another. She has hers, and I have mine, but we respect one another, as well as love one another, so there is little to no conflict when gaming night rolls around.

Don't hide it, but don't require it, either.

 

[kengar]

OK, it's not totally on topic, but it's funny!

http://www.pvponline.com/archive.php3?archive=20020728

 

[Umbran]

The second thing I wanted to mention is that all the gaming groups I've DMed or played in included both genders. There hasn't been a single nasty incident
[...snip...]
What's up with the drama?

Hm. Buttercup, it sounds like you grew up on a nice, highly civilized planet of wise, enlightened, and mature people. You must miss it terribly

Really, though, when in the course of human history has romance not been a source of drama?

I'm glad to hear that you've had good experiences, but I doubt they are typical. They certainly don't match the archetype.

If I recall correctly, WotC's 1999 market reseach suggested something like 1 in 5 gamers was female. That makes it highly probable that many (perhaps even most) groups were (and perhaps still are) working without women.

And, let's face it, gamers have the "socially inept geek" stereotype for a reason. There's a large number of us who aren't quite so high on the social skills and emotinal maturity scales. It doesn't help that most of us start young - high school and college kids can make a soap opera out of going to Burger King, much less a gaming session.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

And, let's face it, gamers have the "socially inept geek" stereotype for a reason. There's a large number of us who aren't quite so high on the social skills and emotinal maturity scales. It doesn't help that most of us start young - high school and college kids can make a soap opera out of going to Burger King, much less a gaming session

Personally, I have found that it is just as hard for women who game, or are otherwise "geeky" to find guys who wanted them around.

This has just been my experience and maybe not for some, but my current boyfriend is the only guy I've ever known who wanted me playing D&D with him. I would also like to at some point play in another game. My gaming has nothing to do with him. It's something we do together, but we could do it seperately if we had to.

I dated a guy once for a few years when I was in college and he gamed and his group had several chances to have myself, and other women play and they wanted no part of us. Then I dated a guy who had 2 women in his group but decided I was not "cool, nor 'goth' enough" to play in his game.

I have found that most guys who like cool stuff, fantasy, sci fi etc, are usually very happily with women who like the same things. In fact, if I wasn't with my BF and I were looking, I'd say that all of the men I know who I could have fun with are happily married/ taken. So I'd pretty much be out of luck until I met someone else. (Hopefully, things will continue as they have though, and I need not be in that position for a long time )

I have in my time met very few guys who were into cool stuff.
I think it works equally for both genders, at least as young adults in your 20's/30's who aren't in school. When you have unique, cool, hobbies and you aren't interested in things like sports, reality tv and such....regardless of if you are male or female, I think you have a hard time finding someone you'll get along with.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

I think you have a hard time finding someone you'll get along with.

Correction...that was a bad way to word that. Not get along with, but be truly happy in a relationship with...

Jeez, I get a long with with the creepy guy down in accounting, but I doubt i'd ever date him...

you know what i meant

 

[Psion]

Hm. Buttercup, it sounds like you grew up on a nice, highly civilized planet of wise, enlightened, and mature people. You must miss it terribly

Really, though, when in the course of human history has romance not been a source of drama?

I'm glad to hear that you've had good experiences, but I doubt they are typical. They certainly don't match the archetype.

Well, to throw another anecdote on the pile, I have never had any major issues with women in the game (apart from the normal personality issues of the sort that arise in any group) since high school. And during high school is always a little rough relationship-wise. A common syndrome in high school that seemed to be a problem was the "girl who isn't really into it who plays the game", but those weren't the real gamers and I have never had any general issues with the girls who were really into the game. And there were some.

 

[hunter1828]

I'm really glad my wife is a gamer, it gives us one more thing to share.

Common interests for us include: gaming, comic books, fantasy fiction, historical reenacting, politics, movies, football, NASCAR, travel, shopping. Just to name a few.

We do, of course, have interests that the other doesn't. She collects glassware, for instance. While I like seeing the beautiful pieces she purchases, it just doesn't hold the interest for me that it does for her. But I appreciate the fact that she enjoys it.

I enjoy computer games. While my wife really enjoys console gaming (we have a PS2), she doesn't really care for computer games. She will occasionally sit and watch me play, but for the most part she leaves it as a hobby of mine.

Hey, looking for someone with a common interest to share is absolutely fantastic. It doesn't mean, though, that EVERY interest he has she is going to have. Just because someone wants to share a particular hobby, doesn't mean they will share every hobby. He might find a nice gamer girl to date (maybe even marry), but she might also enjoy some other hobby that he isn't particularly enthused by, and he might like some activity she doesn't really care for. It will all work out in the end. But beginning with common interstests is one of the best ways to start a relationship...as long as it doesn't turn out to be the ONLY thing you have in common.

hunter1828

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

A common syndrome in high school that seemed to be a problem was the "girl who isn't really into it who plays the game", but those weren't the real gamers and I have never had any general issues with the girls who were really into the game. And there were some.

I can't see doing anything, you know, just to humor someone, or be near someone. Ick. People like that need to seek assistance for their apparently clingy, co-dependent personalities.

sorry ...the psychologist in me comes out now and then

I have heard of women who gamed with their husbands/ boyfriends just to "be with him". I don't know. That seems sad to me. I have also heard of women who got ferociously jealous when their husbands went to games at someone else's house , esp if there were women in the game group.

I game cause I like it. My guy plays in another game without me, and I think it's great that he has that game. That game isn't really my style , although I like hearing about it. I'd like to maybe get involved in another game with or without him. I think you should always be honest with yourself, and do things because you WANT to do them. Too bad everyone doesn't see it that way.

 

[Abel Kane]

My wife and I met on a MUSH, from several states away. Neither of us wanted a long-distance internet relationship, but you see how well it worked out...

J

I know that pain.. My wife and I also met on a MUSH but I was from a different HEMISPHERE - let alone state...

And the real irony is that she is most definately NOT a gamer. She had never MUSH'ed before and has never MUSH'ed since. Perhaps I soured her on the whole gaming experience! Play once and look what you wind up with

 

[fusangite]

Now that my ex and I are out of politics, gaming is the way we stay in touch with eachother. Our breakup wasn't especially civilized (she was civilized, I was not) and gaming was actually a really good way to rebuild our social dynamic because of the capacity to just be "in character." Gaming has been a really good way to maintain a low intensity acquaintanceship where we are able to stay in touch and see eachother regularly.

I would agree with those who argue that a shared interest gaming should not be either the sole criterion for finding a potential mate nor that non-gaming should disqualify a potential mate. But I don't get the sense that anyone is actually disagreeing with those views. Some of us just think that doing creative fun things with a mate or potential mate is better than not doing them.

Rather, what I worry about are gamers who find other gamers intrinsically less attractive. This suggests to me a considerable degree of self-hatred. It reminds me of the powerful writing of people like Malcolm X and Marcus Garvey about how the upsetting phenomenon of Black people finding people who share their physical features intrinsically unattractive. One really has to dislike oneself to find another's resemblance to oneself so off-putting.