Gaming, Adults, and Growing Up

[Starman]

If avid means well-balanced, then sure, well-balanced gamers are well-balanced. If sacrifices are being made to maintain video game time, I think that's a lot harder to justify than roleplaying. That must be where we fundamentally disagree.

Are you saying that "sacrifices" made for role-playing time are better than "sacrifices" for video game time? How does that even make sense? If you are compromising your life - work, spouse, friends, kids, whatever - for a hobby, no matter what hobby it is, I don't see how you can say one is better than another.

 

[JustKim]

Starman, it doesn't seem like I'm going to be able to satisfactorily explain what I feel are the relative merits of time invested in roleplaying versus playing video games. Personally, I blame semantics. In any case this is not a line of discussion I'm interested in pursuing any further.

 

[Alan Shutko]

Here's my situation, which I think is pretty good. My wife is happy when I find things that make me happy.

Right now, I'm writing an iPhone app. I'm really jazzed about this, and I'm spending a decent amount of my leisure time working on it. My wife is excited that I've found something that's this exciting to me. She doesn't care about the app, she's not even potential user, but she likes what this passion does to my attitude, to my level of happiness, to my drive to succeed.

She is also interested in things. I have NO IDEA why anyone would be interested in those things. But I see her eyes light up when she talks about them, and that makes me happy. I like the fact that all I need to do is make a few dinners, take care of the laundry, and she can spend a little extra time that week doing the thing that makes her joyous and she can come home and share it with me.

On some days, the thing I do that excites me like that is gaming. Sometimes it's cooking. Sometimes it's programming or something else. But she and I both have our independent interests and our relationship works because we both recognize that and enjoy helping the other find the coolness.

You need to be responsive to your partner, as people have mentioned. If you're gaming to the exclusion of all else, that's a problem. But there's always room in people's lives for some hobby, for an avocation that really gets them going and they're passionate about. If your partner is opposed to that, you're in trouble. If you can find a way to make room for it in your relationship, it'll work out. I think that's closer to a "grown up" way of doing things.

 

[DM Howard]

Honestly, I probably do need to just sit down and have a talk with her about my gaming, and by gaming I mean both video games and roleplaying, although I don't play much video games anymore.

I agree that recognizing our differences in interests is great and that I should work towards helping her enjoy her hobbies and her help me enjoy mine. Although I must say that she doesn't have any hobbies really. She records and watches TV shows but that's about it besides school work.

 

[Lidgar]

For the record, gaming IS immature - but so is playing most childhood games as an adult, including football, baseball, and golf. OK, maybe not golf; golf is serious. But we play them anyways. Why? Well, since we don't have to hunt for food anymore, my guess is that guys (and gals) need a competitive (and creative) outlet. It simulates (and temporarily satisfies) our instincts to gather more resources.

Gaming is just one of many possibilities. When my wife and I started dating, she thought our gaming group immature as well, but she gave it a spin anyways. It wasn't her cup of tea. Nevertheless we share plenty of other interests (including good fantasy novels), and she essentially views my gaming group as "poker night with the guys." We have been married for over 21 years.

 

[Katana_Geldar]

There are plenty of worse things you could be doing with your saturday nights, I tell this to my friends who have parents who object to gaming.

 

[Starman]

There are plenty of worse things you could be doing with your saturday nights, I tell this to my friends who have parents who object to gaming.

Tell that to Black Leaf!

 

[Vegepygmy]

I recently went out with my girlfriend, who within the next year I will be engaged to, and somehow the topic game up that she thinks that I am too wrapped up in all my "games", as she puts them, and that she thinks that eventually I need to grow up and leave that stuff behind.

You won't take my advice, but I'm going to offer it anyway:

Do not marry this girl.

Others have already given you the reasons (you're too young, she isn't ready to accept you as you are, etc.), so I won't repeat them. And nothing that any of us can say will have any effect on you if you're in love, anyway. But my life experience tells me this relationship is already doomed, and better ones await you.

 

[SoulsFury]

I game once to twice a week, and my girlfriend of over three years has never expressed any displeasure. I also play my PS3 about 4-8 hours a week as well. I am also a full-time college senior and I work 3 days a week. She is quite the looker as well. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate who you are dating. I am 26 and I can promise you, the girl I was with at 21 did not even know the real me. Much less suit my needs for the rest of my life, gaming or other wise.

 

[fuzzlewump]

I have / had pretty much the same issue. The GF said she would rather our kids (which we have none of (yet?) we're in our early 20's) do other things with their time, notably play basketball and maybe other sports, but she likes basketball.

While I don't have the same opinion, that basketball should be considered a better pass-time than gaming, basketball can be a fun stimulating social experience that you also get tons of exercise for and generally is a 'cooler' thing as far as social acceptance. Now, I don't care about those things, but understand why she would for our potential children.

Our general opinion is that they can coexist, but why shouldn't Basketball completely overshadow any possible gaming as far as a child's hobby? What benefits does gaming have over basketball? I have a hard time articulating anything useful, but part of I think is sort of an over-glorification of sports, that in order to get really really good through hard work is not a fun process at all, and probability wise will not end up in a college or especially professional scenario playing the game.

Even still, it's hard to argue against putting aside just a few hours a week to relax and roleplay.