Gaming Group Anxieties

[dreaded_beast]

I've been playing in a new group for around 1 or 2 months.

In this group is a player who has started to get on my nerves a little, to the point where I've actually spent time outside of the game thinking about some of the things he has done that bother me, which usually puts me in a bad mood. This is the same reason I left my old group of 4 years.

If it all possible, I would like to try and not to make the same mistakes that I did with my old group, namely not speaking out if I had something bothering me. The big difference with this group is that it is composed of 2 people I was friends with before playing DND, which is a plus.

With the previous group, I came to play DND. With this new group, I come more to hang out with my friends.

However, there is one player who strikes me as a bit cocky and arrogant. This is the player who has gotten on my nerves. From what I have seen, I think he is the type of player that likes to talk about how great his character is. Sometimes, he would say how his character could beat your character in combat. He also has a tendency to "cut-down" people or make snide comments.

My opinion is a bit biased, so please take the above with a grain of salt. In addition, he is not like that all the time, but I am not sure since I have only known this guy for around a month or two. I was hoping that we could be friends since we seem to share many of the same interests.

However, it doesn't appear like that will happen anytime soon. I think that he may be acting this way towards me because during one of the first sessions, I played a character that was a bit of a trouble-maker (CN Rogue). You know how that goes. Anyway, I believe I may have made a bad first impression, resulting in the behavior I have been receiving from this guy. I am not sure if this is the reason, but it's the only thing I could come up with for why he acts the way he does towards me.

Anyway, it's been a couple of sessions and I am wondering if I should say something to him. Part of me thinks I should just wait and see if my attitude changes towards him since the gaming group is fairly new and I have only known the guy for a short while. Plus, I have a tendency to get mad or offended easily (no sense of humor). On the otherhand, I don't want to repeat past mistakes by being quiet and keeping it inside, which gives me stress that I don't need.

What do you think?

 

[Ricochet]

Give it a couple of months, some people take longer to become comfortable with other people, and it seems this is the case here.

If he keeps being a pompous type, then talk with him about it, but seeing that you become easily offended, don't do it at the game table, wait until after the nights play, or do it another day entirely, so you have had a chance to get your feelings in order. Mature discussion of problems is always better than "heat of the moment" discussions.

 

[Wycen]

A couple years ago a new guy joined our gaming group. He seemed ok but eventually we discovered he had a penchant for evil, selfish and "not quite right" characters. Now, I don't mean the kind who would deliberately kill you when the battle is over just so he can claim all the treasure, just the calculating and callous kind which always leaves me wondering how safe my character is. (Then we have the crazy characters and those are another story).

The way I dealt with this? I tried to develop links or friendships between our characters. Eventually outside the game we also hung out, though always with the rest of the group. So eventually I came to understand his game style.

Maybe you can do the same. Maybe you can't or don't want to. I'm guessing the later as this guy sounds like the know it all who either shuts up quick when you cut him down and it is obvious you are right or he could be the bullheaded idiot who wont back down and escalates the situation. Try to figure out which he is and plan accordingly.

 

[Aeric]

I think 1-2 months is enough time to give this person to change. Since it is clearly bothering you so much, you owe it to yourself to talk to him and tell him how his behavior is affecting you. If he's any kind of a decent human being, he will cool it. If not, then you need to talk to the DM about it. If a player is deliberately making another player miserable, he should be given the boot, IMHO. And if it's simply a matter of incompatible personalities, then maybe you should leave.

Hope that helps. :\

 

[Ashrum the Black]

Well, I'd have to say that after two months if things haven't gotten any better then you should talk to him. Let him know that you're getting the "something's not right" vibe and ask him if there's anything wrong.

If it's a bad first impression then with concious effort on both your parts it can be worked around. If its a personality problem and he's willing to work with you, then you might be able to make a go of it, or you may need to look for another group if this just can't be resolved.

If he just plan doesn't like you then you may want to talk to the others and see how they feel. If they don't wish to game without him then it is time to find another group. If they are, then set up another day to game with them and let them continue to have fun with their other friend.

Just my two CP worth of advice.

-Ashrum

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

You mentioned that you have a lot of common interests and were hoping that you might become friends. Have you ever done anything with this person outside of gaming? If there were some bad impressions because of the way your character acted when he first started playing, perhaps he has the wrong idea about you personally and acts like he thinks is best. Next time you and your friends are going to go out and do something non-gaming, ask the person along. Getting to know him outside of the game may either help things, or make you realize what bothers you is just part of his personality and you will then need to talk to him about it.

 

[DaveStebbins]

Based on my experience with people like this, he may just be trying to impress everyone. He may feel like the outsider, especially as you are already friends with at least a couple of the other gamers. He may have (subconsciously or not) identified you as the alpha and he's trying to impress you so will accept him into the group.


I know it sounds silly but, given the stupid things many guys will do to try to impress women, it may just be his attempt at shooting for acceptance. I have seen people who think insults and posturing are signs of closeness or belonging (since you'd never act that way with strangers), so they try too hard and too quickly to push their way into the group.

I would advise patience. Maybe you could advise him, "you don't have to try so hard" if you think it would help.

Or I could be reading the situation completely wrong. Wouldn't be the first time.

 

[scourger]

I find that familiarity breeds contempt. In that context, behavior gets worse over time; but it becomes more tolerable (enjoyable?) as friendships form.

I also find that there is usually more than enough blame to go around. That is, even when I think that I am right and that I have been wronged; others feel the same way.

Ultimately, all you can do is govern yourself.

 

[BiggusGeekus]

Bragging about his character is probably a source of his gaming enjoyment. Somepeople express this by roleplaying. Some people express it by powergaming. And some express it by stating what they could beat in a cage match (never mind the fact that there are few cage matches in D&D).

Next time he brags how his imaginary person could beat your imaginary person just say "Yep! No doubt. But I always pictured my guy as a team player so he has some support abilities that really aren't meant for one-on-one fights."

Happy gaming!

 

[Tewligan]

However, there is one player who strikes me as a bit cocky and arrogant. This is the player who has gotten on my nerves. From what I have seen, I think he is the type of player that likes to talk about how great his character is. Sometimes, he would say how his character could beat your character in combat. He also has a tendency to "cut-down" people or make snide comments.

I find vicious sarcasm to be helpful when dealing with this sort of person. "What?! Your totally fictional, not-at-all-real character could thrash MY equally nonexistant character? Yes, you are obviously superior to me when it comes to combat - and by 'combat', of course, I mean 'addition and subtraction'. Oh, woe, is me! Your make-believe person will consign my make-believe person to the make-believe grave! Truly, thou art the Reaper of Nerds!"

I would keep this up a LOT until he gets red-faced and looks like he's going to cry and/or start screaming at you. Then do it a little more for good measure. If he DOES cry or scream, then you've gained the upper hand by making him lose his cool. If he doesn't cry or scream, he at least knows that you are unimpressed by his lame boasts.

Oh, and I would probably mention at some point how he's no doubt destined to die alone and unloved, but I'm kind a jerk that way.