Good Jokes about Elves, Dwarves, etc.

[Kilmore]

Said this one before some time ago.

A dwarf and two elves walk into a bar. The waitress seats them and asks to take their order. The dwarf growls: "I'll take a big thick fat bleeding rare steak! And an ale!!"

The waitress says, "Fine, and what about the vegetables?"

The dwarf snarls, "They'll take the steak and ale too, and they'll LIKE IT!!"

 

[Snapdragyn]

An elf, a human, & a dwarf walk into a tavern. The elf orders a wine, the human orders a beer, & the dwarf orders an ale. The barkeep sets their drinks down before them, & each one notices a fly in his drink.

The elf frowns, turns up his nose, & pushes the glass away.

The human frowns, flicks the fly out of his beer, & starts drinking.

The dwarf frowns, carefully picks the fly out of his ale, & yells, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"

 

[Angcuru]

The dwarf frowns, carefully picks the fly out of his ale, & yells, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"

ROFL!

 

[SinisterMinister]

Dwarf walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

Bartender says, "Hey, where'd ya get that thing?"

Parrot says, "The mountains. There's hundreds of 'em running around over there."

 

[Steverooo]

Two Dwarves voluntarily walk out of a bar, before closing time, and...

HEY! IT COULD HAPPEN!

 

[buckstarr]

I dont have much to add,

But this is one of the best threads I've read in a long time. Love it. I will be using some of this in future adventures

Ok, Here's one. A dwarf was on a ship, and for entertaiment, a low level wizards starts to do some majic tricks. First he makes a coin disapear. " It's up his sleeve, It's up his sleeve" the dwarf yells. Wizard simply ignores the dwarf and suddenly pulls a rabbit out of thin air. "It was in his robes the whole time, I saw it earlier, what a fake" the dwarf yells. The wizards a little angry announces " for my final act I will perform the greatest majic feat you have ever seen" with that the Wizard start to chant, and all of a sudden by mear chance the ship is struck by lighting and is destroyed.

The only two survivors are the Wizard and the dwarf floating on a wooden door. For two whole days the dwarf and the wizard simply stare at each other, when finaly the dwarf says.

"OK, you win, what did you do with the boat"

Not an original, but it's all I got.

 

[Dimwhit]

"OK, you win, what did you do with the boat"

I don't know why I thought that was so funny, but I did.

(And it may not be original, but I'd never heard it before...)

 

[Nifft]

Dwarf Joke: (answer in spoiler tags)

- How many elves does it take to replace a candle?
---

Spoiler

Just one. Elves burn great.

-- N

 

[babomb]

Here are the jokes Piratecat collected from the EN World boards a while back:
http://www.enworld.org/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=5659

"Did you here about the priests of the Dairy God? Apparently, they have the power to churn undead."

 

[Hand of Evil]

Why do dwarfs have such big noses?

Spoiler

look at their fingers