kengar
First Post
I've got three:
An elf, a gnome, and a dwarf are in the tavern restroom relieving their bladders. The elf finishes first and goes to the washbasin. He scrubs his hands with soapy water clear up to the elbows and rinses them thoroughly. As he's drying his hands, he says to the other two gents, "We elves are taught to be clean and hygenic."
The gnome finishes next and goes to the washbasin. He dips his fingers into the water, wiggles them around a few moments, then shakes them off. As he is drying his his hands he say, "We gnomes are taught to conserve nature's resources."
The dwarf finishes last. He turns and walks straight past the other two towards the door. As he's leaving, he turns an says, "We dwarfs are taught not to p
on our hands!"
-----
An elf walks into a bar. He announces to the crowd he's got 100gp for anyone who can drink ten pints of dwarven stout back to back. A hush falls over the room. Dwarven Stout is potent even by dwarf standards. The patrons seem intimidated by the challenge. One dwarf even leaves the bar. When no one accepts, the elf smiles & shrugs then sits down at the end of the bar.
A few minutes later, the dwarf who'd walked out comes back. He goes up to the elf and asks "Are you still offering the 100 gold to drink ten pints of stout in a go?" The elf nods and the dwarf smiles. "Fine!" he says, "Set 'em up!"
With much interest, the other patrons crowd around as the barkeep pours ten mugs of stout and lines them up in front of the dwarf. He reaches for the first mug and drains it in a gulp! One after the other he polishes off the tankards until he tips the last one up and finishes it off! The crowd cheers and the elf -looking impressed- hands over a pouch of gold. As the dwarf accepts his prize money, the barkeep asks him, "Here now. Why'd you take off like that earlier when he first offered the money?"
The dwarf replied, "Oh that! Well, I went over to the pub next door to first make sure I could do it!"
----
A gnome walks into a bar and orders three mugs of ale. He pays, sits quietly, drinks his drinks, then leaves. Over the next several nights he does the same thing each time. Finally the barkeep asks him, "Why do you order all three drinks at once? I'm happy to bring 'em to you one at a time, you know."
The gnome smiles, "It's sort of a family tradition. I have two brothers but we all live in different towns now. So whenever one of us goes out, we order drinks for all three of us. That way it's like we're drinking together."
The barkeep smiles "That's a nice idea." he says, and goes about his business. The gnome becomes a regular at the bar and the barkeep stops even thinking about it and just pours the gnome three drinks as a matter of course.
One night, several months later, the gnome comes in and sits down. As the barkeep goes to pour the ales, the gnome stops him "Just the two, I'm afraid."
Realizing what this must mean, the barkeep takes the two mugs to the gnome and says, "I'm terribly sorry. You're a good customer, so these is on the house."
The gnome looks confused "Why are you sorry?" he asks.
The barkeep points to the pair of drinks. "Well, there's only two. I assumed that meant something happened to one of your brothers."
The gnome smiles and shakes his head, "No no, they're both fine. It's just that I've given up drinking, you see."
(rimshot)
An elf, a gnome, and a dwarf are in the tavern restroom relieving their bladders. The elf finishes first and goes to the washbasin. He scrubs his hands with soapy water clear up to the elbows and rinses them thoroughly. As he's drying his hands, he says to the other two gents, "We elves are taught to be clean and hygenic."
The gnome finishes next and goes to the washbasin. He dips his fingers into the water, wiggles them around a few moments, then shakes them off. As he is drying his his hands he say, "We gnomes are taught to conserve nature's resources."
The dwarf finishes last. He turns and walks straight past the other two towards the door. As he's leaving, he turns an says, "We dwarfs are taught not to p
on our hands!"-----
An elf walks into a bar. He announces to the crowd he's got 100gp for anyone who can drink ten pints of dwarven stout back to back. A hush falls over the room. Dwarven Stout is potent even by dwarf standards. The patrons seem intimidated by the challenge. One dwarf even leaves the bar. When no one accepts, the elf smiles & shrugs then sits down at the end of the bar.
A few minutes later, the dwarf who'd walked out comes back. He goes up to the elf and asks "Are you still offering the 100 gold to drink ten pints of stout in a go?" The elf nods and the dwarf smiles. "Fine!" he says, "Set 'em up!"
With much interest, the other patrons crowd around as the barkeep pours ten mugs of stout and lines them up in front of the dwarf. He reaches for the first mug and drains it in a gulp! One after the other he polishes off the tankards until he tips the last one up and finishes it off! The crowd cheers and the elf -looking impressed- hands over a pouch of gold. As the dwarf accepts his prize money, the barkeep asks him, "Here now. Why'd you take off like that earlier when he first offered the money?"
The dwarf replied, "Oh that! Well, I went over to the pub next door to first make sure I could do it!"
----
A gnome walks into a bar and orders three mugs of ale. He pays, sits quietly, drinks his drinks, then leaves. Over the next several nights he does the same thing each time. Finally the barkeep asks him, "Why do you order all three drinks at once? I'm happy to bring 'em to you one at a time, you know."
The gnome smiles, "It's sort of a family tradition. I have two brothers but we all live in different towns now. So whenever one of us goes out, we order drinks for all three of us. That way it's like we're drinking together."
The barkeep smiles "That's a nice idea." he says, and goes about his business. The gnome becomes a regular at the bar and the barkeep stops even thinking about it and just pours the gnome three drinks as a matter of course.
One night, several months later, the gnome comes in and sits down. As the barkeep goes to pour the ales, the gnome stops him "Just the two, I'm afraid."
Realizing what this must mean, the barkeep takes the two mugs to the gnome and says, "I'm terribly sorry. You're a good customer, so these is on the house."
The gnome looks confused "Why are you sorry?" he asks.
The barkeep points to the pair of drinks. "Well, there's only two. I assumed that meant something happened to one of your brothers."
The gnome smiles and shakes his head, "No no, they're both fine. It's just that I've given up drinking, you see."
(rimshot)
