Great Game Quotes

[Dias Ex Machina]

AIDEN: “It’s the golden rule. He who has gold…rules…”
URIEL: “Then we take the gold.”
AIDEN: “It’s a figure of speech.”
URIEL: “STOP SPEAKING IN RIDDLES!!”

GM: “Okay, the Colossal Air Elemental sucks Uriel up…it then attacks Misha…and hits! Grapple check!”
MISHA: “34”
GM: “42…you are sucked up. You take 20 points of damage.”
AIDEN: “How about some rings of freedom of movement, guys?!”

AIDEN: "I just cast axiomatic creature. It makes me a perfect example of my species. I am without flaws, no scars, full head of hair and perfect skin."
URIEL: "Well, someone just BURST out of the closet!!"

MISHA: “You’ve taken the first step into a larger world.”
GM: “Okay, penalty for destroying suspension by quoting Star Wars.”
MISHA: “WHAT?! NO WAY. Star Wars is liquid awesome!”

GM: “At the top of the hill, you notice a tent and a camel.”
EDWIN: “I hide…”
GM: “Anyone else hide?”
URIEL: “BE WARY THE CAMEL… <long pause> …No man, we’re not hiding.”

AIDEN: “I can cast Commune…it’s a unique capacity of my class. Allows me to ask my god a question…”
MISHA: “Try it…”
(Casts the spell)
AIDEN: “If we help them, will it help our quest?”
GM (as God): “Unclear…”
MISHA: “What?”
AIDEN (sighs): “That’s a valid response.”
URIEL: “Oh great, it’s a @#$%& magic 8-ball” (imitates shaking a ball) “All signs point to Tuesday—WHAT?” (imitates throwing the ball away)
MISHA: “God is such a @#$%& cock!”
AIDEN: “It’s a valid response.”
URIEL: “Because the GM’s a dick!”

 

[RangerWickett]

"I am not drunk enough to violate the laws of physics."

 

[palleomortis]

Somewhere there was a list of famouse last words. I enjoyed it about as much as this, simply good stuff. Would be great if someone had them and posted a link. The only one I can remember off the top of my head is:

"Wait, what do you mean the WHOLE room registeres as a trap?"

 

[Thurbane]

There was one from back in one of our 1E games, doing the ToEE.

Setup: Rob's character had been paralyzed by a Glyph of Warding on a door, so he was subsequently being used as a human "battering ram" to set of the glyphs on the subsequent doors, which resulted in him being paralyzed for even longer!

ROB: "How am I supposed to rape and plunder when I'm as stiff as an ironing board?"

...another one was while we were doing Egg of the Phoenix, and two guys (brothers) were playing characters constantly at odds with each other. One played an enigmatic Diviner, the other a forthright Paladin. Paul (the diviner) liked to get info via his spells, then only give us cryptic tidbits to make himself appear wise and mysterious. This constantly annoyed the other players, especially his brother (Mark). Just as Mark's paladin is entering a dangerous looking room to retrieve a (probably trapped) holy sword, Paul decides to pipe up:

PAUL: "Beware the owl of the forest!"
MARK: "What? Now???"
PAUL: "That is all I have to say on the matter!"

 

[Dias Ex Machina]

I had such a list on my old site, back years ago, called "Famous Last Words"...Alas, it has been lost and only the "Great Game Quotes" survives to this day.



MISHA: “I track!!”
GM: “Roll—“
MISHA: “Don’t bother. (points randomly) It went THAT way!”


AIDEN: “Take a golem…put a huge piece of beef inside…does not make it a cow.”
URIEL: “Meat golem…what a great idea! I want one…with sausage links for arms!”

 

[Dias Ex Machina]

MISHA: “I am ditching Command Plants…it’s a totally @#$%-useless spell.” (Points to thee ground) “You!! GROW!!! SLOOOWLY!!” (pause) “MANUFACTURE OXYGEN!!” (pause)
“PROCESS SOIL!!” (pause) “THIS…I COMMAND!”

MISHA: “I search for food.”
(GM rolls randomly on some tables.)
GM: “Okay…You find…wild onions…walnuts…and tobacco.”
MISHA: “All in the same oak forest? This place is awesome!”

URIEL: “I have 12 hits points left!”
JONAS: “ONE!!!”
URIEL: “Oh right…”

URIEL: “We have been involved in the destruction of Sierra Madre, the massacre of Arx-Cis. We contributed to the destruction of the old Earth. Now, we just left a planet that was wiped out. You would think we would get experience for the people we killed…but noooooo…”
GM: “Apparently, its not a challenge for you…”

 

[Kobold Marine]

"Average police response time around here is ten minutes. That's 100 combat rounds. Think you can hold out that long?"

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Player scanning character sheet: "My cleric speaks Elvis!"

GM, voicing a welcoming speech by a tribal chieftan NPC: "We are but a tribe of simple hunter-gatherers...well, more hunters than gatherers, with some agriculture...ummm...and nomadic qualities...and ummmm..."
ME, mockingly imitating GM: "What is this?!?! Who wrote this speech? Fetch my writers and off with their heads!"

The Perils of Chandralangra, my Female Elvish Paladin:


Spellcaster: "I'm casting 'Continual Light" upon her breastplate"
Paladin player: "Now she'll be a beacon of light in the darkness!"
Other player: "Check out those high-beams! WOOT!"

Spellcaster: "Which side of the Prismatic Sphere is the Paladin on?"
Paladin player: "*sigh*The side...with the Pyrohydra"
Chorus of other players: "OOooooooooohhh"

DM: "The Paladin takes 56 points of damage"
Paladin player: "*sigh*When we camped briefly, did anyone heal the Paladin?"
Chorus of other players: "OOooooooooohhh"

DM: "The gender-changing effect of the magic is randomly targeted and falls on *rollrollroll* PC #6- that's the...oh no!"
Paladin player: "*sigh*The Paladin."
Chorus of other players: "OOooooooooohhh"

DM: "OUCH! The wizard maxed out his Lightning bolt- anyone not make their save?"
Paladin player: "*sigh*The Paladin."
Chorus of other players: "OOooooooooohhh"

DM: "The pit trap triggers- its a 40' fall onto the spikes for anyone failing to evade..."
Paladin player: "GRRRRRRRR!"
Chorus of other players: "OOooooooooohhh"

 

[Dias Ex Machina]

Good ones, Danny. I found those funny without needing context. I am starting to feel competition. I better break out the big guns...

GM: “Can Misha speak elvish?”
MISHA: “Try it…”
EDWIN: “I test it. I insult him in elvish.”
GM: “He hits you anyway…”

AIDEN: “Use the Elemental attack!”
JONAS: “Which Element?”
AIDEN: “Earth.”
URIEL: “Wind.”
MISHA: “HEART!”
(Two points and personal embarrassment for those that get that joke)

MISHA: “…Is it a “stackable” bonus?!”
GM: “Oh would you stop that!”
URIEL: “Oh…no, then it would be an unstackable bonus…HEY. A +3 unstackable bonus would stack with a stackable bonus!”
MISHA: “…This game is so dumb.”

AIDEN: “Oh, yeah, we’re up to 11 Artifacts now--”
URIEL: "--and together, they form DEVASTATOR, the most powerful of all Decepticons!”

AIDEN: “It’s a Very Old Blue Dragon. We can’t take that. Do you have a scroll of slay dragon?”
URIEL (looks at his list): “By slay dragon you mean CURE LIGHT WOUNDS!!!!”

MISHA: “I write my name in the ground…in the Common tongue.”
GM: “He seems to read it…then he etches in the ground. ‘Ragga’ …then ‘Zuba’.”
MISHA: “Ragga-Zuba…that’s such an awesome name!”
URIEL: “I am naming ALL of my kids that!”

 

[palleomortis]

I GOT TWO POINTS!!!!!

This said in a small bar drenched in alchohol from kegs recently split open by a fight:

Player: "There's only one guy left, right?"
Dm: "Yea."
Player: "Ok, fireball."