Great Game Quotes

[Dias Ex Machina]

GM: “So Teryn casts Hide from Undead.”
CAM: “Okay…so don’t touch anything.”
(LATER)
GM: “You enter a room, there are six pillars…on each one, a corpse is splayed across.”
SCHUYLER: “I touch one.”
CAM: “What? Don’t touch it!”
SCHUYLER: “Whatever…(poke)”
GM: “It opens its eyes and attacks you!”
CONAN: “Zombies!”
SCHUYLER: “Wait…I though the cleric had the spell so they don’t pick us up?”
CHRIS: “You touched one….it dispels it.”
SCHUYLER: “I didn’t know that!”
CAM: “I told you not to touch anything!”
SCHUYLER: “I didn’t hear that part.”

CONAN: “I took the hit on the shield…well, by shield, I mean face.”

GM: “You see what looks like a Glibbering Mouther that has had its skin wrapped around a humanoid skeleton. This massive beast can be seen lumbering away in another direction.”
CONAN: “I may be grasping at straws, but my instinct says we should leave it alone.”
SCHUYLER: “He may just be taking home a jug of milk for the wife.”

GM: “You bird flies back.”
MIKE: “What did you see?”
GM: “KAKAAW!”
MIKE: “We can communicate.”
CONAN: “KAKAAW! What is it? KAKAAW!! Angry? KAKAAW! Aroused?”

CAM: “Look!”
Schuyler looks at Cam
CAM: “Don’t look at the HAND! Look where I am pointing!”

CAM: “We need to sneak by.”
CONAN: “We will go by ducts.”
SCHUYLER: “Why buy ducks? What purpose would that serve?”
CAM: “Can you try harder for comic relief!?”

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Spellcaster: "I'm going to check his alignment."
Smartypants: "Judging from his loincloth, it looks like he hangs to the left."

DM: "<reads flavor text from RttToEE, describing black tower in volcanic pit>"
Me: "*gigglesnort* "Sounds like the script from a '70's porn flick!"
Other player: "Mandingo, NOOooooo!"

 

[Altair]

DM: This room appears to have once been an old prison cell. You find a skeleton sitting in one corner, and a pile of filth in the other, and the floor is covered with a thick layer of grime. It is otherwise empty.
Me: I shoot an arrow at the skeleton. *rolls dice*
DM: The arrow hits, but it doesn't respond. It's inanimate.
Fighter: I search through the pile of filth *rolls dice, hits a low number*
DM: You stick your hand in it.
Fighter: Do I find anything?
DM: You find that your hand now smells pretty nasty.

Also,

DM: Alright, here's the 1000 gold each you were promised.
Player: Hey, I thought we were promised 5000 gold!
DM: Yeah well, April Fools!
Player: It's not April...
DM: In the game world it is.
Player: Do they even use the same calendar as us? I bet that they have like "Pelor's Month" or something.
DM: Yeah well, Pelor Fool's!

Not particularily funny, but they made us laugh.

 

[Dias Ex Machina]

CAM: “I Draw a pair of daggers.”
SCHUYLER: “You have pencil and paper?”
(Long pause)
SCHUYLER: “…get it!?”
CAM (frustrated): “OH MY GOD!!”

SCHUYLER: “I breath on it.”
CHRIS: “Luckily, it has Damage reduction 10/ Halitosis.”

The group is ambushed on a train by a ninja-golem with two blades and a bad attitude. Very quickly, the fight turns bad. The group pushes the golem on a rear train car and detaches the car. The golem leaps over to the group again and the fight continues. The two main fighters are near death. In the back, the druid chants something in secret. The fight continues badly…until a four armed ape creature called a Girallon appears behind the golem, screams, grapples the golem, and jumps off the back of the train. Suffice to say the group is a little…surprised…
CHRIS: “Well…good thing that APE showed up…”
SCHUYLER: “Did a monkey just appear and save our lives?”
CONAN: “Fairly good use of Gorilla Mechanics.”
CAM: “Heh, Gorilla Warfare.”
CONAN: “I’ve had enough of the puns.”
GM: “Okay so the two fall off and roll around on the tracks. The ape looks up…it survived…”
CONAN: “Thumbs up—“
GM: “—and then the train you detached approaches from behind…SPLAT!!”
CONAN (eyes open): “…My god is so angry with me…”

CAM (to Schuyler): “We’re discussing religion with the Muslim Cleric. Want to join in?”
CONAN: “Tell us about Buddha?”
SCHUYLER: “Well, they kicked the Dali Lama out…and…then…China moved in…”
CAM: “Why don’t you worship Llamas?”

CAM: “How much?”
GM (as Merchant): “50 gp.”
(Cam rolls Diplomacy. He rolls well)
CAM: “Do better.”
GM: “10 each.”
CAM: “3 for 30?”
(pause)
GM: “….deal…”
(yet another pause)
CHRIS: “He just said 10.”
CAM: “I didn’t hear that.”

 

[Voadam]

Voadam to a female paladin: "If I don't detect as evil can I buy you a drink?"

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Player (pointing at figure of vampire holding a victim): "Is that really a vampire?"
Me: "No, its a mini."

 

[Lord Zardoz]

Somewhere there was a list of famouse last words. I enjoyed it about as much as this, simply good stuff. Would be great if someone had them and posted a link. The only one I can remember off the top of my head is:

"Wait, what do you mean the WHOLE room registeres as a trap?"

http://www.7t7.de/unterhaltung/rpg/flw.html

My favorites:

0004-"I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me."

0005-"I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the extra-healing potion."

0082-"I drop trough and expose myself to the arch-mage as a gesture
of contempt."

0379-DM: "You know you're 6' high and sitting on a 3' high horse in a saddle
designed to keep you from falling. Now you're charging at full speed
into a 7' high cave. What are you going to do ?"
PC: "Hit my head on the cave roof ?!" {He took a *lot* of damage...}

0585-PC1: "Help me, I'm in deep trouble. Hey, Argan, it's your turn, you owe a
lot of money you borrowed."
PC2(smiling): "Not any longer, I guess..."

0732-PC1:"Why is there a moose staring into that bush over there ?"
{enimy hiding there}
PC2:"What the heck is a moose doing here ?"
PC1:"Maybe the attacker turned himself into a moose!"
PC2:"It's a shapechanging moose!"
PC1:"I'll cast Charm Person on the moose."
PC2:"I cast detect magic and look at the moose."
DM :"You detect no magic on the moose."
PC1:"It must be a non-detection moose!"
PC2:"Yeah, a shape-changing non-detection moose!"

0922-PC:"I'll put my lantern on the altar."
GM:"Your lantern explodes."
PC:"I'll sit on the altar."

END COMMUNICATION

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Gamer #1: "I hope not all Christians are as anti-Pagan as some of my co-workers."
Me: "Wiccan, please!"

 

[Dias Ex Machina]

GM: "You need someone with Weaponsmith."
Sevarion: I have Blacksmith."
Leopold: "Well, if we need to make something blunt, we'll call you."
Palarian: "I have Weaponsmith but not Blacksmith."
Leopold: "So you can make a sword, but not a nail?"

Tobin: "Okay...lets get some weapons..."
Dunn: "Oh, cool, I found a crossbow!"
Tobin: "I found a machine gun...put the crossbow down..."

West: "I'll have bacon and eggs..."
McKinnon: "I'll have eggs..."
Bjorn: "I guess I'll just have bacon..."

Max: "Don't bother running, we'll never make it."
Heather: "Fine you stay here and accept that...We're running."

Bradley: "I must be totally wasted."
Raines: "Why?"
Bradley: "I just tried to change the TV with my cell phone…"
Raines: "Yeah?"
Bradley: "The strange thing is I pulled the antenae…and tried it again."

Raines: “What are those spinning symbols?”
DeGraff: “…Ummmm…Ever see Predator?”

Fidler: "I shoot the window and I dive through!!"
Dias: "Okay...bulletproof glass, the shots ricochet, as do you."

Williams: "Sorry, I am being an ass..."
(Silence)
Brown: "Hear that? ... That's the sound of noooobody disagreeing with you..."

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

DM: "Cower, base mortals! Tremble as you face the magesty of the Avatar of Zilla!"
Me: "Crud- we're facing an avatar of some obscure deity named Zilla...anyone know a god...zill..." *head slap*
Other players: "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh"
DM: *evil cackle*