Grognards and Ham

[Zinovia]

Grognards and Ham
by Zinovia
With apologies to Dr. Seuss

I am the Rouse,
the Rouse I be,
Do you like
D&D 4E?

I do not like D&D 4E.
I do not like it, the Rouse-I-be.

Would you play it at a con?
Would you play all night 'til dawn?

I would not play it at a con.
I would not play all night 'til dawn.
I do not like D&D 4E.
I do not like it, the Rouse-I-be.

Would you play a tiefling bard?
The rules aren't out, it might be hard.
Would you fight with shield and ax?
With nifty powers and other l33t h4xx?

I would not fight with shield or ax,
No powers for me, and no l33t h4xx.
I would not play it here or there.
I would not play it anywhere.
I do not like D&D 4E.
It just is not the game for me.

As a warlock surely you'd go far.
WIth bonded pact of Fey or Star?

Don't call me Shirley, and I say no.
You can't make me, and I won't go.

Would you play with rules of house?
Would you play it with the Rouse?
Would you, could you with your friends?
With simpler rules to comprehend?

I would not could not with my friends,
Too many books on which to spend.
I will not play with rules of house.
I will not play it with the Rouse.
I will not play D&D 4E.
I do not like it, the Rouse-I-be.

Would you play it while online?
With dungeon tools for your design?
Clicking mice to roll your dice.
And v-minis for extra price?

I will not play it on a screen.
I will not give you all my green.
I will not play it here or there.
I will not play it anywhere.
I do not like D&D 4E.
I do not like it, the Rouse-I-be.

You do not like it,
so you say.
Try it! Try it!
And you may.
Try it and you may I say!

The Rouse,
if you will let me be,
I will try it.
You will see.

Say!
I like D&D 4E!
I do! I like it, the Rouse-I-be!
And I would play it at a con.
And I would play in Eberron.

And I will play it with my friends,
All night long with dice and pens.
I will play it here or there.
I will play it anywhere!
I do so like D&D 4E.
Thank you!
Thank you,
The Rouse-I-be!


Disclaimer:
No offense to anyone on any side of this issue was intended. It was done purely for humor value. You may not think it's funny, but don't take it seriously. Thank you.

 

[im_robertb]

And I would play it at a con.
And I would play in Eberron.

Epic win.

 

[Mephistopheles]

A humour thread that's actually funny. Good effort making that fit.

 

[Dragonblade]

Nice. Too funny!

 

[Xethreau]

And I would play it at a con.
And I would play in Eberron.

Epic win.

So, so so so agreed!

 

[Wolfspider]

Ha! Really excellent work!

 

[Scott_Rouse]

Brilliant.

Use your superpowers of awesome for more good please.

 

[Fallen Seraph]

Lol, awesome. Well done

 

[Kordeth]

I'll post this here so as not to drag a legitimate 4E discussion off-topic, but inspired by the title of another thread and this Monty Python sketch.

Ahem:

If gnomes are not in the PHB,
something else I'd like to be!
If gnomes are not in the PHB, a dragonborn for me!
With a RAWR RAWR RAWR,
and a RAWR RAWR RAWR,
and a fire-breath all day long!
With a RAWR RAWR RAWR,
and a RAWR RAWR RAWR,
I'd sing this merry song!

 

[Belorin]

That was funny!
We need more of this type of stuff.

Bel