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lowkey13
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I am where you are at, though my progression to get there was different. I didn't know beans about RPGs until my mid-late 20s. My adult brain went straight to optimization, and there it stayed for about two years. That got old. After I climbed down off that hill, I found I way, way, way prefer collaboration, story, and characters with flaws that are both fun and interesting to roleplay and that come with mechanical disability. It's all about fun for me. What juices me creatively, what's most fun, what flaw can I dream up and how will it interact with the other characters and with the adventure? That's what turns my crank in gaming these days. It's certainly what I seek in a gaming group. I think a lot of players appreciate that style, but have learned the hard way that not everyone does. Sometimes that makes me a skosh sad. Mostly, though, I put on my big girl panties and forge ahead with finding good groups of people with whom I can enjoy gaming.Now, I don't make terrible selections, but I will make interesting selections that aren't optimal.
I'm not saying it was wrong, because you were just a kid, but what you are describing is not role-playing. You were making decisions based on your own, out-of-character opinion of what is cool. Role-playing is defined as making decisions from the character's perspective.When I first started out, I played just for the fun. I picked a class/race (or the same thing, when BECMI!) just because it seemed cool. I didn't worry if it was the right thing to do, or if I had picked the weapon that did the most damage, I just picked the things that seemed awesome.