D'karr
Adventurer
Part of the problem here is that while D&D may give the DM tools to ascertain the difficulty of an encounter, it offers no such aid to the players, who ultimately have to decide whether or not to pick a fight with a given group of foes.
That is one of the reasons why the game has a DM. The DM is the "interface" for the characters to the world. If something is overwhelming the DM should describe it as such, and also give the players warning as their characters would get a "sense" if something is overwhelming. That is why I mentioned that I don't "surprise" my players. That is where I take the time to help them understand their odds. The same way that I take the time to help them understand their sense of the odds of a particular action they want to attempt.
If after explaining the odds they want to take the risk, then they were forewarned and the chips fall where they may.
I'm hoping that D&DN will make monsters a little more consistent, and maybe include a "monster lore" check that would give you a rough idea of a new monster's power level.
The monster knowledge check fills that role in 4e, and it's a good start.
I speak to the PCs in their senses (they feel this might be a bad idea), and why. To the players I don't use coded language. If something is overwhelming they will know it because I will tell them "this is overwhelming, and your characters can clearly sense that this is overwhelming."
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