How nice should you be as a DM?

I don't think it violates the DM's oath to run scenarios that are below the party's level in terms of CR - but give them appropriate XP, so they level up slower. I'd suggest running a scenario that's 2 levels below the parties, but do it without fudging; play the NPCs as sneaky. Hopefully that won't TPK the party but it might make them think twice if PCs start dropping. If they then alter their tactics you can increase the threat level (and XP).
 

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When I ran for total newbies, I stopped and gave lessons along the way, not waiting for the TPK. There are classic blunders that new players fall into, like going into one too many rooms when out of spells, ignoring cover when during archery battles, falling in love with one and only one spell, etc. After seeing my group take more damage than they should, or burning up all the spells in an easy fight, I'd point out some basic ideas.

You have to take it easy here, because you don't want to lecture players, but a few instructive points now and again do wonders. You can also point out the challenge ratings right after each fight, to get the players calibrated to what they should be able to handle.

PS
 

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