D&D General How to be a Better DM: One Size Doesn't Fit All

So rather than acknowledging that you made an overbroad statement you respond by making an even more ridiculous and overbroad statement? Ok.

I mean how is it the least bit controversial to state presenting an issue to a large group of like minded and experienced people may come up with solutions you yourself may not have thought of?
Again, I did not say the person with the table problem would have come up with the same solution. I said they could solve it themselves, and often do it better. How is my statement controversial? I honestly don't understand.

My point was that the internet-armchair psychologist is probably not as good as dealing with internal conflicts at a table as you yourself are. My reasoning was because I assumed the person with said problem knew the people at their table better than anyone on an internet forum could have. I was wrong and have stated as much. I'm sorry if that was not clear.
 

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I take what all of you say as truth. My bad for overestimating people's problem-solving skills

That’s a really passive aggressive way to respond.

“I realize I was wrong….you guys aren’t lying, you’re just bad at problem solving!”

There’s nothing wrong with my problem solving skills, nor I expect anyone else’s here. Seeking new perspectives and alternate opinions is a pretty time tested and healthy way of solving problems, bub.

Again, I did not say the person with the table problem would have come up with the same solution. I said they could solve it themselves, and often do it better. How is my statement controversial? I honestly don't understand.

Because it basically says that people are better off not seeking help or advice or new perspectives. Seems a pretty bad take for just about anything, I’d say.
 

That’s a really passive aggressive way to respond.

“I realize I was wrong….you guys aren’t lying, you’re just bad at problem solving!”

There’s nothing wrong with my problem solving skills, nor I expect anyone else’s here. Seeking new perspectives and alternate opinions is a pretty time tested and healthy way of solving problems, bub.
I agree. I don't think there is anything wrong with anyone's problem solving skills that posts here. Almost everyone I have seen is thoughtful, full of intellect, and even (although some may disagree) empathetic. The fact that you are all that is why I don't understand. I am sorry if it came across as passive aggressive. It wasn't meant that way. It was meant to come across as confused. Almost everyone here is all those things I listed, so I assumed you would handle internal table problems better than those on the outside. Again, I was wrong. Apologies.
 

I agree. I don't think there is anything wrong with anyone's problem solving skills that posts here. Almost everyone I have seen is thoughtful, full of intellect, and even (although some may disagree) empathetic. The fact that you are all that is why I don't understand. I am sorry if it came across as passive aggressive. It wasn't meant that way. It was meant to come across as confused. Almost everyone here is all those things I listed, so I assumed you would handle internal table problems better than those on the outside. Again, I was wrong. Apologies.

The issue is that outsiders aren't the ones "handling" the table problem, because they don't have enough context. But they can give you ideas that lead you in the right direction because they don't also have your blindspots.
 


carmachu

Explorer
I don't doubt that people can find ideas on a forum they find beneficial. It might even increase their "fun." What I doubt is the fact they needed a forum for it. They could have come up with it on their own - and it might have been better. In my opinion, it probably would have been, not just better, but more fun.

And like I said, a quick solution to something, yup. That happens. A "table problem?" No, I doubt it.
Need is a strong word. Useful would be a better one.

that’s why old days things like Dungeon, dragon, white dwarf magazines ( among others)were useful. Brought new ideas you may or may not have come up with
 


Maxperson

Morkus from Orkus
I don't doubt that people can find ideas on a forum they find beneficial. It might even increase their "fun." What I doubt is the fact they needed a forum for it. They could have come up with it on their own - and it might have been better. In my opinion, it probably would have been, not just better, but more fun.

And like I said, a quick solution to something, yup. That happens. A "table problem?" No, I doubt it.
There have been multiple ideas here that I could have come up with(monkeys typing Shakespeare and all that), but probably never would have. I credit this forum and those who posted them with those ideas.
 


Maxperson

Morkus from Orkus
Again, I did not say the person with the table problem would have come up with the same solution. I said they could solve it themselves, and often do it better. How is my statement controversial? I honestly don't understand.
It's not always about problems and solutions, though. I solve almost every problem I come across and very rarely ask here about those sorts of things. There are lots of ways to DM and many tricks of the trade, and when people post what they do and how they do it, sometimes I really like the idea and absorb it into my game for at least a trial basis to see if it will work with my style and players.
 
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It's not always about problems and solutions, though. I solve almost every problem I come across and very rarely ask here about those sorts of things. There are lots of ways to DM and many tricks of the trade, and when people post what they do and how they do it, sometimes I really like the idea and absorb it into my game for at least a trial basis to see if it will work with my style and players.
I agree Max. But table problems are different than gathering ideas as a DM. I guess we will just have to agree to disagree. I just really do not see table problems being handled better by an internet forum than by drawing your own conclusions and responses.

But for ideas - forums are great!
 

Maxperson

Morkus from Orkus
I agree Max. But table problems are different than gathering ideas as a DM. I guess we will just have to agree to disagree. I just really do not see table problems being handled better by an internet forum than by drawing your own conclusions and responses.
Maybe try it this way. Neither one is better than the other. Or put another way, both can be better than the other depending on circumstances. What you come up with at the table might be better than coming here and asking, depending on the answers you get. Or it might not.

When it comes to problems, the reason I rarely come here to ask is that I'm not going to stop the game to poll a bunch of DMs, and the vast majority of issues are ones that I need to resolve on the spot. For those few occasions when I can see an issue coming and I don't have what I consider to be a good solution, I'll ask here and see what people say.
 

Ovinomancer

No flips for you!
I agree Max. But table problems are different than gathering ideas as a DM. I guess we will just have to agree to disagree. I just really do not see table problems being handled better by an internet forum than by drawing your own conclusions and responses.

But for ideas - forums are great!
Because people are just really good at this stuff so there's never any need for perspective from someone else? Ok, pull the other one, it's got bells on.
 

Because people are just really good at this stuff so there's never any need for perspective from someone else? Ok, pull the other one, it's got bells on.
That is not what I said, nor have I said. There is always room for perspective. But a table problem, be it a controlling DM that is a bigot or a super-uber murder hobo player that is bent on ruining other players' fun will not be solved by an internet forum. A problem where the DM asks others how they would handle a wizard casting mage hand to grab a deadly snake? The forum is a perfect place.
 

Social problems are not unique snowflakes that have never occurred before. Other people are perfectly capable of having useful ideas about them as much as any other problem.
 

Maxperson

Morkus from Orkus
That is not what I said, nor have I said. There is always room for perspective. But a table problem, be it a controlling DM that is a bigot or a super-uber murder hobo player that is bent on ruining other players' fun will not be solved by an internet forum.
We're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. While I have not personally needed to come here for that, I have seen more than once where a DM has come here with just such a problem and didn't know how to handle it. Advice given helped out.
A problem where the DM asks others how they would handle a wizard casting mage hand to grab a deadly snake? The forum is a perfect place.
Here we agree. :)
 

Ovinomancer

No flips for you!
That is not what I said, nor have I said. There is always room for perspective. But a table problem, be it a controlling DM that is a bigot or a super-uber murder hobo player that is bent on ruining other players' fun will not be solved by an internet forum. A problem where the DM asks others how they would handle a wizard casting mage hand to grab a deadly snake? The forum is a perfect place.
What's the difference? You seem to be saying that for a table issue the participants will ultimately be the ones that have to say the things to each other. But this isn't different from the snake/mage hand issue -- the participants have to do that as well. So if you're resting on "solved" as meaning "the actual people at the table have to do it," then you're in the same place for both -- they're the same. I don't see what functional difference there is between getting and using advice for one and getting and using advice for the other.
 

What's the difference? You seem to be saying that for a table issue the participants will ultimately be the ones that have to say the things to each other. But this isn't different from the snake/mage hand issue -- the participants have to do that as well. So if you're resting on "solved" as meaning "the actual people at the table have to do it," then you're in the same place for both -- they're the same. I don't see what functional difference there is between getting and using advice for one and getting and using advice for the other.
Solved because the person got advice on a forum... that is the part you left out.

A player at an all-male table keeps making crude remarks about female NPCs. The others don't like it. The DM has said something. It did not stop. They come to a forum for an answer. Do you really believe a stranger's advice (one who does not know the DM or the players) will help this? Do you think they will come up with something that the table or DM could not have come up with on their own?

A player keeps using mage hand in unique ways (at least to the DM). The DM asks the forum for advice on how they would handle it. They answer. And the reason their answers work is because they know the entire context. They understand mage hand.

What they do not understand is the context of a problematic player or DM. Someone might come along and say, "I had a player like that once. We cut him from the group." This is something the DM will have thought of. Another might come along and say, "Communication is key. I think you need to sit down and talk one-on-one with the player and express how you feel when they make those jokes." Another thing anyone who actually considers a problem will have thought of. Another might come along and say, "Give an ultimatum." This is also something the DM will have thought of.

That is what I am speaking of. If it is an actual table-problem, the options are apparent. There is no need for advice. And if they do take any advice, there is a greater chance of it being wrong because the advice giver does not know the entire context.
 

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