How to handle a dud of a party

[megamania]

My wife and I held a party for our 15th anniversary. We invited about 110 people. 86 said they would come. We bought food, drink, things to do for 100 people. We rented an outdoor pavillion with a stereo system and the works.

We did the invites the week of Memorial Day and confirmed them in mid-June.

We had many co-workers looking forward to it and saying they will be there on Saturday.


Saturday came and a whole 32 showed up.


:\

WTF !!!!!!


My wife wants to declare open war on these people that did a no call / no show but I know that will only lead to further issues. Meanwhile, Its what I really want to do myself.


Thoughts?

contact numbers for quiet assassins?

 

[EricNoah]

It's rude, no doubt. But making a stink about it will make you look like a jerk. I don't see any way around it -- you'll just have to ignore the situation and let it go. If anyone mentions it, simply remark that you were sorry that you missed seeing them.

 

[megamania]

Basically the route I figured now if only I can convince the wife of this.

 

[Pbartender]

Guilt.

Quiet, subtle guilt.

 

[kenobi65]

Guilt.

Quiet, subtle guilt.

And flaming dog poo on their porches.

I kid, I kid.

Honestly, there isn't much to be cone about it, without coming off like a jerk yourself. Too many people have decided to totally ignore the social contract these days.

 

[Aurora]

That sucks Mega.

How about...

"Oh you didn't come? I had so much fun I didn't even notice."

*evil laugh* I blame my hormones.

 

[Huw]

Take the Chinese attitude. Everyone who came to the party left absolutely stuffed, and there was food left over; that makes the party a success. Everyone who didn't come missed a great party. Their loss, not yours.

 

[takyris]

I agree with the other folks. Hopefully the people who came had a good time.

Next time you host an event, invite the coworkers who RSVP'd either way, or who at least called to say "Gah, something came up, sorry to miss", or who at the very least apologized profusely after the fact. Don't invite the people who said they'd be there but didn't show up. Don't hand out invitations on the sly. Don't feel the need to be subtle. If they ask you why they aren't invited, tell them politely but firmly that their rude behavior last time -- not just not showing up, but not calling to cancel the RSVP and not apologizing afterward -- means that you don't want to count on them showing up this time.

People who do this sort of thing are not subtle people. If you want their behavior to change, you need to be fairly direct.

(And to be non-high-horse-ish: we've done what you just described. The baby was loud the night before, and we did an exhausted sleep-in-shifts thing and only realized later in the evening that we had completely forgotten about the party. We apologized after the fact, and it was fine. So I'm all in favor of accepting apologies. )

 

[Olaf the Stout]

If you had sent out formal invitations, and people had sent back replies saying they would attend (and they didn't) then that is just plain rude. If it was more of an informal, verbal invitation then I could understand it.

If you give someone a written RSVP that you will be attending something then you either do so or you let them know beforehand that you won't be coming (emergencies accepted). Now either there were a whole lot of emergencies on the day or 54 people were just plain rude.

I would put out a mass e-mail to everyone that was invited (those that came and those that didn't). In it I would thank everyone that attended and talk about how great a time everyone had. I would also make a point of stating that 86 people said they would be coming but only 32 showed up on the day. Lay the guilt trip on thick. Don't name anyone in particular but make it clear that you are pissed at those people that did a no-show after telling you that they would attend.

I'm not normally a very rude person, but this would have pissed me off big time. I'm sure you and your wife put a lot of effort and expense into arranging this. People should at least have the decency to tell you in advance that they can't make it (even if it is just covering up for the fact that they don't want to go).

Olaf the Stout

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

My personal take on this is that you bask in the happiness of the guests who actually accepted your hospitality in full.

Those who flaked on you? Take them off of your "A" list- simply stop inviting them to your get-togethers.

If, down the road, they ask why you don't invite them over, answer honestly that you were hurt by their lack of respect. If they give you a believable answer that mitigates their behavior, put them back on your "A" list on a probationary basis.

Its an approach that worked for me.