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How to handle a dud of a party
- Thread starter megamania
- Start date
Congrates!!! Fifteen years is nothing to cough at, and for that you should be proud. 
About people not showing- people do forget, and or things do pop up. Having a party is not always at the top of everyone's list, and some people might have been trying to say- "we'll try to show," which means 'count me out.'
In any case, do not do anything rash, give them your love, show up for their parties and don't hold this against them. Remember that you love and care for them and that should be enough for you to forgive them.
Peace, and all that.
About people not showing- people do forget, and or things do pop up. Having a party is not always at the top of everyone's list, and some people might have been trying to say- "we'll try to show," which means 'count me out.'
In any case, do not do anything rash, give them your love, show up for their parties and don't hold this against them. Remember that you love and care for them and that should be enough for you to forgive them.
Peace, and all that.
Olaf the Stout
Hero
Piratecat said:
You're probably right. It wouldn't really change anything but it would make me feel a bit better about what happened.
Though you may not believe it from my first post in this thread, I'm not really one to get angry at things. However, it sounds like mega and his wife went to huge trouble and expense for this thing. For nearly 2/3rds of the people who RSVP'd that they would attend to change their minds on the day is beyond rude in my opinion.
Situations like this do give you a big reality check on who your real friends are though. It's just sad that you have to find out like that. :\
Olaf the Stout
Chimera
First Post
I'm usually very direct and straight forward and very much against passive aggressive behaviors.
But there is nothing to be gained through confrontation.
Just take it that you learned a valuable lesson about those 54 no-shows and your relationships with them. They aren't good enough people for you to continue to put yourself out for them. You don't have to get angry about it or sad, although it would be perfectly understandable if you did - so don't beat yourself up for feeling whatever you need to feel.
Likewise, don't fight with the wife about whatever she needs to feel.
Heck, to some degree it can be extremely productive to let her vent and then play a little "good cop, bad cop" with people. She blows up at them, then when they come to you, you take a slightly more concilliatory attitude, but say "Hey, she's really mad that people were so thoughtless in no-showing our anniversary party. It really meant a lot to us and we were kind of hurt by people saying that they'd be there and then just not showing up." (Note, not "you", but "people". It's still them, but it's less directly confrontational.)
Don't make her the bad guy and be sure to defend her if the other party gets hostile.
But the point is, if they do get hostile, then you know that they're a lost cause and not worth your friendship. If they're people of quality, they'll get the clue, understand that they hurt you, and possibly change their behavior.
But there is nothing to be gained through confrontation.
Just take it that you learned a valuable lesson about those 54 no-shows and your relationships with them. They aren't good enough people for you to continue to put yourself out for them. You don't have to get angry about it or sad, although it would be perfectly understandable if you did - so don't beat yourself up for feeling whatever you need to feel.
Likewise, don't fight with the wife about whatever she needs to feel.
Heck, to some degree it can be extremely productive to let her vent and then play a little "good cop, bad cop" with people. She blows up at them, then when they come to you, you take a slightly more concilliatory attitude, but say "Hey, she's really mad that people were so thoughtless in no-showing our anniversary party. It really meant a lot to us and we were kind of hurt by people saying that they'd be there and then just not showing up." (Note, not "you", but "people". It's still them, but it's less directly confrontational.)
Don't make her the bad guy and be sure to defend her if the other party gets hostile.
But the point is, if they do get hostile, then you know that they're a lost cause and not worth your friendship. If they're people of quality, they'll get the clue, understand that they hurt you, and possibly change their behavior.
yeah, this is basically the respose, though you should try to be more subtle, e.g.Aurora said:
"hey, so remember at my anniversary party when the clown caught on fire and dipped his head in that vat of acid to put it out? ha ha, good times. oh, you weren't there? but you responded that you would be. huh. well, someone must have taken your little gift. ah, well, you missed the best party of your life."
"jerk."
Arashi Ravenblade
First Post
Very rude. Those are the people you dont invite to the next event.
Pielorinho
Iron Fist of Pelor
Yeah, people do forget. I'm lousy about remembering things. That's why I set up a lot of systems around myself to prevent my forgetting things (the best of which is my awesome wife with her scary memory). And when, despite everything, I DO forget something, I practically crawl on the ground begging for forgiveness, because I realize it's a big deal.Harmon said:About people not showing- people do forget, and or things do pop up. Having a party is not always at the top of everyone's list, and some people might have been trying to say- "we'll try to show," which means 'count me out.'
If you RSVP to an event, try to avoid a wishy-washy answer such as, "We'll try to show." If the event planner has to, y'know, plan for the event, such a response puts them in an uncomfortable spot. Do they lay out the money for food for you or not? Do they write up a character for you or not? HOw many people do they reserve a table for?
If you HAVE to give a response like that, be apologetic and find out the latest possible time you can RSVP: "I'd love to come, but it's really hard to find a babysitter on New Year's Eve. I know it's really inconvenient, but would it be okay if I put off RSVPing until I manage to track a babysitter down? If I can't find one by the twenty-eighth, I'll call to RSVP no. Sorry about this!"
Yes, parties may not be the most important thing in your life, and there's nothing at all wrong with that. There really isn't. But you need to recognize that your friend who's organizing the party considers it pretty dang important: they're spending a lot of time on it. Even though it's not that important to you, you can show respect to your friend by taking the two minutes necessary to give an RSVP. Give a "no" if you're not certain you can make it--and then later if it turns out you can, well, too bad. It's a good thing in that case that a party isn't the most important thing to you, innit?
Daniel
Thornir Alekeg
Albatross!
Last summer we were invited to a party with the people from my old company that closed. I saw the guy hosting the party at the store earlier that week and said, "We'll be there." Then my wife had to go out of town for the weekend. I spent the morning running errands with the kids and completely spaced about the party.
On my lunch break at work Monday I sat down with another person who also used to work at that company. She gave me a look and said, "And where were you?" It took me about 30 seconds to figure out what the heck she was talking about. I felt really awful, partly for being rude to the host, and partly because it is one of the few times each year I get to see some great people I miss having as working collegues.
On my lunch break at work Monday I sat down with another person who also used to work at that company. She gave me a look and said, "And where were you?" It took me about 30 seconds to figure out what the heck she was talking about. I felt really awful, partly for being rude to the host, and partly because it is one of the few times each year I get to see some great people I miss having as working collegues.
Pielorinho,
I get the whole thing about showing up when you say you are going to show, and I am one of those people that shows when he says he's gonna show, and doesn't when he says- "not gonna be able to make it."
I just think that people you love and care about should be given the benefit of the doubt, and calling them on it is poor form for a friend to do, believe that they forgot or what have you (something innocent) until you find out the truth, and if you never do then <shrug> be delusional.
Peace all
I get the whole thing about showing up when you say you are going to show, and I am one of those people that shows when he says he's gonna show, and doesn't when he says- "not gonna be able to make it."
I just think that people you love and care about should be given the benefit of the doubt, and calling them on it is poor form for a friend to do, believe that they forgot or what have you (something innocent) until you find out the truth, and if you never do then <shrug> be delusional.
Peace all
Nareau
Explorer
That's a very frustrating situation to be in. What do you want to do in the future?
If you want to keep throwing parties of any caliber, I recommend not making a big deal out of it. I throw 2-3 parties/month (events at a local nightclub) and they range between 40-180 people at each one. When nobody shows up, it sucks. But if I want people to show up next time, I just have to put on a smiling face and keep moving along.
If you're done throwing parties, let 'em have it! But keep in mind that you're not going to change anyone by confronting them. You might feel better for a little while, but they're not going to have some revelation about considering other people's feelings. All they'll take away from that kind of confrontation is, "Man, I'm glad I didn't go to his party. He's a jerk."
Other than that, it's always worth listening to the reasons people give. I have a hard time believing you've got 54 really inconsiderate friends. Every "I forgot" is an indication that you shouldn't be asking your friends for RSVPs 2 months in advance; ask for them 1-2 weeks in advance. Every "My kids..." and "I'm tired..." is an indication that your friends already have too much going on. Whether or not you excuse their absence is irrelevant--what's relevant is what you can learn to do it better next time.
Nareau
If you want to keep throwing parties of any caliber, I recommend not making a big deal out of it. I throw 2-3 parties/month (events at a local nightclub) and they range between 40-180 people at each one. When nobody shows up, it sucks. But if I want people to show up next time, I just have to put on a smiling face and keep moving along.
If you're done throwing parties, let 'em have it!
But keep in mind that you're not going to change anyone by confronting them. You might feel better for a little while, but they're not going to have some revelation about considering other people's feelings. All they'll take away from that kind of confrontation is, "Man, I'm glad I didn't go to his party. He's a jerk."Other than that, it's always worth listening to the reasons people give. I have a hard time believing you've got 54 really inconsiderate friends. Every "I forgot" is an indication that you shouldn't be asking your friends for RSVPs 2 months in advance; ask for them 1-2 weeks in advance. Every "My kids..." and "I'm tired..." is an indication that your friends already have too much going on. Whether or not you excuse their absence is irrelevant--what's relevant is what you can learn to do it better next time.
Nareau
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