How to stop player whining? Drama!

[wedgeski]

I respect your plan to present evidence to counter his assertions, but I doubt it will work.

I had/still have a similar situation with one of my best friends, whom I DM about once every couple of months in a regular "keep in touch with old buddies" game at my place. I love this guy like a brother, I really do. He's possibly the best and most selfless person I've ever met. But he drives me bat-guano crazy sometimes.

I've had more than one blow-out at the table with him, and more than one conversation off the table about it as well. The problem is, while he knows I try to run a fair and exciting game, he thinks it's *the game itself* that is broken, and blames me for not doing more to fix its apparent flaws.

This manifested deeply in 3.5E as the group moved into the teen levels in my Dragonlance game. Things started rapidly changing as save-or-dies started making an appearance and all their old tactics just stopped working.

Despite being a grossly optimised and overpowered group who had made utmost use of several of the more broken corners of the 3.5E Dragonlance Campaign Setting books, any time a fight started going against them -- and in my friend's most extreme episodes, "going against him" equated to "taking any damage whatsoever" or "missing even when he rolled more than 10 on the d20" -- the whining would invariably start.

Questions I'm sure you're familiar with would be asked ("what encounter level is this? what CR is that monster?"); sighs would be sighed, huffs would be puffed, players would sit dramatically back from the table, resigned to the sheer unfairness of a creature that saved against a Maximised fireball.

To these guys, a game which surprises them or forces them to think outside the box or shocks them or works in any way counter to what they expect, is simply broken and needs fixing. To such players, no amount of objectivity or persuasion is going to work.

For myself, I have resigned myself to this facet of a guy for whom I would otherwise do anything. Not playing D&D with him isn't an option, and he isn't going to change now. No option remains but to hitch my pack and grit my teeth, which I gladly do, once every couple of months, for a weekend of gaming and eating and drinking and laughing which I wouldn't give up for the world.

 

[Zelda Themelin]

Maybe it will work. Sometimes regonizing problme helps really much. Maybe if game seems too hard, give change to roll if his character knows what to do, if player seems too lost. Or if that is not your gaming slyle, just help him and other "game is too hard" person in situations where they think it's too hard.

If too hard means that "mobs are higher lv than we should face in this area", typical thing from certain friend of my who also playes too much mmrpg, then you should try to make him see difference between that kinda game and this kinda game you actually play.

It might be worse problem where he sees that game something winnable and dm as oppenent and not one who is in player's side. I've know dm:s who see games that way, so it's not such a far fetched belief, even while I don't think your dm is like that, he seems quite the opposite.

Don't attack too heavily against him when you face him. Start it more like conversation refering what you heard from that other friend and tell that you have noticed there is problem. Not problem for other players but problem for them. And tell you want to make game better for everyone. Ask what they would want or not want. Then also tell how it makes you feel that he brings such a negative mood to table.

Tell him, that you are willing to listen his ideas, and answer his questions. And yes, if this goes well also start showing d&d rulebooks those monster stats etc.

And if there is really issue of being oversensetive to be targeted by something negative, tell dm not to target him, not him specifically that is. Yes it's bit unfair, but it might keep game mood so much better. And given time and experience he might even loose most of edge of that attitude.

What comes to detecting traps, some people expect that when they mention trying to find trap once, they mean they continue doing it in that area, and assume dm gets it the same way. And when not, they get feeling "I have to say every tiny thing I do, otherwise I am screwed", similar thing during fire and what happened to his potions.
My advise for those people is, ask always if they save their gear, continue listening detecting traps etc. And then just tell them how those actions slow down moving throw some areas. But don't except them to get it. Mention it to them.

That might feel a bit clumsy but if people are terrible insecure about their gaming skills they are more relaxed when they feel you see what they want to do, when they take actions, even if they fail to say it sometimes properly. And keeping up with explanations helps them learn what other people expect them to say aloud., to learn the right patterns, information that rule-system following needs.


And by saying this I don't mean you should continue suffering from this behavior if he doesn't show he wants game to works better too, and is ready to keep his whining out of gametime. Tell him if something bothers him he could talk that after/between games. Or ask clear question if he feels some ruling went wrong, rather that do passive aggressive thing.


I hope things work out.