How to tell a friend's girlfriend to get a job or something?

[Hijinks]

Thanks for the advice, people. I appreciate it, even though you strike as a little cynical, but then again I'm probably just a sensitive guy

I don't think you've gotten cynical advice here; I think you've gotten realistic advice.


From a female point of view, I wholeheartedly agree: Make your opinion known to your friend, and then don't say anything else about it. No one likes a friend who's constantly harping on you about your life; that's what your parents are for.

I've dated real schlumps before and my parents were always like "Oh we like him! He's great!" and then would say "I never liked him!" the instant we broke up. Now that's love I tend to be honest with my friends, but only if I know that they want to hear the truth. If a friend says "Oh, isn't he the greatest?" with a dreamy look in her eyes, I'll agree, even if I think he's a jerk. If she's like "Should I marry him? I don't know..." then I will offer my honest opinion.

If I think a friend is truly ruining her life with someone, I will definitely say something, but ONLY ONCE. Anything other than that is nagging, and it gets old really fast. I wouldn't want a friend nagging me about my life every time I see that person. Would you want that?

 

[The_Universe]

It's 16 in Alaska.

And it's not quite all state based. When I was in the Air Force, we could not date anyone under 18, even if the state said otherwise. That's a federal law that trumps state law but, for the most part, you're exactly right.

Not that I can talk, I started dating my wife when I was in the Air Force at 19 and she was 17.

SCANDAL!

 

[Einan]

I don't think you've gotten cynical advice here; I think you've gotten realistic advice.


From a female point of view, I wholeheartedly agree: Make your opinion known to your friend, and then don't say anything else about it. No one likes a friend who's constantly harping on you about your life; that's what your parents are for.

I've dated real schlumps before and my parents were always like "Oh we like him! He's great!" and then would say "I never liked him!" the instant we broke up. Now that's love I tend to be honest with my friends, but only if I know that they want to hear the truth. If a friend says "Oh, isn't he the greatest?" with a dreamy look in her eyes, I'll agree, even if I think he's a jerk. If she's like "Should I marry him? I don't know..." then I will offer my honest opinion.

If I think a friend is truly ruining her life with someone, I will definitely say something, but ONLY ONCE. Anything other than that is nagging, and it gets old really fast. I wouldn't want a friend nagging me about my life every time I see that person. Would you want that?

Agreed. Say your piece, then shut up. Never mention it again, especially after the gal in question dumps him for someone with more cash. Just buy the first couple rounds and tell him there's plenty of fish in the sea, and if he starts grinning about the fish, knock him out and leave him in an aquarium; he's a sick, sick man.

Einan

 

[Torm]

UWHAT?!

Assuming you weren't kidding:

I = I
A = Am
N = Not
A = A
L = Lawyer

 

[d20Dwarf]

Well, like I said, IANAL.

Hell, I'm probably dating myself by mentioning that I remember when the U.S. drinking age was different from one state to another....my brother loved going to NY from NJ, since he was allowed to drink beer there, when I was a kid.

Well, I think the drinking age is still a state law, it's just that the federal now says "sure, you can make it 18, but then we won't give you the 500 million in road subsidies...states rights, woohoo!"

 

[reveal]

Assuming you weren't kidding:

I = I
A = Am
N = Not
A = A
L = Lawyer

Thanks!

I really didn't know what the acronym stood for but, um, I got a weird brain....

 

[d20Dwarf]

I wouldn't want a friend nagging me about my life every time I see that person. Would you want that?

Good lord, this sounds like my life. :\

 

[Nellisir]

The age of consent is state-based, not federal.

And it's 16 in New Hampshire as well.

I really can't point any fingers, though -- I dated a 17-year old when I was 23, and we did live together, though not until after she turned 18.

Cheers
Nell.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

Having just watched a friend end up on the crap-end of a relationship with a truly horrid woman, my advice is stay out of it. Not a single one of his friends liked this woman, and she went out of her way to make herself as unlikeable as possible, then would tell him how horrible we all treated her. She was a prescription drug addict, an alchoholic, and had been separated from her husband for over 10 years but wouldn't divorce him. He then found out she'd been using him to advance in the company the both worked for, and was trying to sleep with their district manager (an old frat brother of my friend).

At first, we all tried to tell him about all the red flags we saw in her, but it just made him angry and he shut us out. He told us how we were jealous of what a great relationship he had and how much they were in love. We, as a group, decided to just let it go. It would come crashing down. And it did. He thanked me for not saying "I told you so", even though he knew I wanted to. He said the more people tried to convince him how awful she was, the more he was convinced to prove us wrong.

And speaking from a personal perspective, I was once in a relationship like this many years ago, and I did the exact same thing. Which is why I didn't really get as involved as some of our other friends. I knew it would just make things worse.

 

[RustyHalo]

(2) Am I the only one who's put out by all those replies that, even in jest, speculate about having sex with this young woman?

Possibly not, but I don't understand why you're put out? Is it because of her age? ----------> Or did you mean something else?

Liam

I DID mean something else. I'm not bothered that the couple in question is sleeping together. I'm a wee put out that a number of the initial replies seemed fixated on her, on her looks, if she might sleep with the poster, etc. etc. etc.

examples: #3 -- "is she hot?"; #14 -- "sleep with her"; #21 -- "hot rebound sex..."; #22 -- "photographs of her in a bikini"

Sigh. It seems juvenile.