[humor] The Top Ten Things you don't want a new player to say at the first game...

[Ycore Rixle]

This was the worst I actually ever experienced:

"Hi, my character is a 3rd level antipaladin, but he's friends with Tiamat so he has a vorpal sword." (back in 1e days)

 

[Uruk]

"Hey, guess what! I have Brandon Lee's soul trapped in this crystal I wear around my neck."

...

true story.

I believe it because I'm 90% sure I've played with somebody who said the same thing. They were more protective of giving the details out though.

 

[Templetroll]

***SNORE***

I did that one! First game with a new group, I sat on a couch between two people. Shortly after the game commenced my head fell back and I was snoring! I'm NOT quiet and they kindly played on figuring that I must have been exhausted from work. they only woke me up when my character was about to be attacked.

On that night I met my wife, an employer-to-be and several friends that still like me to this day. People can be really nice!

Originally posted by HyperSmurf
(One other advantage from that time is that I have no trouble falling asleep anywhere. If you can sleep on the floor in a brightly-lit room while a bunch of people merrily slay orcs until 2 in the morning, nothing else is much of a problem )

My daughter would fall asleep on the couch as we played nearby. Once, a well-meaning friend suggested moving her to a nice, dark quiet bedroom. we didn't get more than ten feet from the door of the bedroom when she woke up. As soon as we put her back out with us she was snoozin'.

 

[snarfoogle]

"Third Edition sucks. Why can't we play [2e/Rifts/Synnibarr/SenZar/Spawn of Fashan/with this great 3rd edition add-on I found on the net]?"

Woah. That site is both funny and sad at the same time.

Especially some of the must have rules.

And the ranger changes.

If a ranger ever kills an animal for food, he is turned into stone

If a ranger eats meat, he must make a Fort save of DC 25 + level of ranger
or die. However, the ranger does not simply die. His body turns into an old weeping
willow (tree) ensuring that he can never be revived or resurrected.
If he passes his save, he becomes poisoned suffering 1d10 damage
every hour for 2 days. And loses all his ranger abilities for 2 weeks..

 

[reiella]

Meowth Proof!

Proof of Meowth in our campaign .

http://cs.angelo.edu/~mshaner/Meowth3.JPG

[ Changed to Link, way too big for forum size in hindsight ]

 

[TheAuldGrump]

Woah. That site is both funny and sad at the same time.

Especially some of the must have rules.

And the ranger changes.

If a ranger ever kills an animal for food, he is turned into stone

If a ranger eats meat, he must make a Fort save of DC 25 + level of ranger
or die. However, the ranger does not simply die. His body turns into an old weeping
willow (tree) ensuring that he can never be revived or resurrected.
If he passes his save, he becomes poisoned suffering 1d10 damage
every hour for 2 days. And loses all his ranger abilities for 2 weeks..

And the waste of carbon still has no idea how copyright, let alone the d20 lisence work. Gah! Not worst I've encountered either, I ran across a net book for 2nd ed written in 1337 once, I couldn't read the thing past the first paragraph, it was just too embarassing to read.

And Back on subject: 'Hey, could you run a game based on the Gor books, they Rock!'

'What do you mean, I have to roll?'

'Look at this kewl weapon I just created, can my character have one?' Then shows you something even dumber than the gnomish hooked hammer.

*Answers cell phone for the third time in the last hour* 'Hello...'

'I based my character off of the character Wayans plays in the D&D movie...'

'Oops, I just sat on your cat, I don't think it's breathing...' (True story, fortunately the cat did survive, despite the player involved weighing around 250 pounds...)

'The first campaign I played in was run by ____' fill in the name of game designer you worship...

'The first campaign I played in was run by ____' fill in the name of game designer you most want to use to recreate the climax of Fargo...

'Can I base a character on Jar Jar Binks?' Especially if you aren't even running Star Wars...

'Can I base a character on Jar Jar Binks?' Especially if you are running Star Wars...

'Like, you should all join my coven, we can really do magic you know? *Tee Hee*' (Not sure if it's scarier with a Satanic Poser (tm) or a Fluff Headed Pagan (tm), both are really scary...

and of course...

'Hello, my name is Pat Robertson...'

The Auld Grump

 

[David Argall]

The DM hates to hear this?

'Hey, could you run a game based on the Gor books, they
Rock!'

Gor game. Player takes action. DM decides whether the player fails utterly, causes a complete disaster, is chased by a justifibly enraged mob, or all of the above.

You sure the DM is going to really object to this suggestion?

 

[Eosin the Red]

I posted a notice that we were looking for 1 perhaps 2 players. It was answered by a rather sane sounding man who wanted to come and bring his wife who also played these are only a small sampling of my harrowing. I still suffer from PSTD and must meet new gamers in a neutral place.

1. "We already made up characters and I included some of the rules we use for perception and some homebrew spells."

2. [Doorbell rings] Oh, that it probably some friends I invited over [3 more gamers].

3. "We make our plans in Klingon since we don't want to ruin it for the DM." [Yes, all 5 of them spoke Klingon.]

4. "Next game do you think you would mind running it in my homebrew. I brought some photocopies for you guys."

 

[Particle_Man]

3. "We make our plans in Klingon since we don't want to ruin it for the DM." [Yes, all 5 of them spoke Klingon.]

lol! Anytime I worry that I am too geeky, I will remember that there are others more geeky than I.

 

[Bagpuss]

"I'm happy to play but not if your going to kill our characters at any point."

"So is this as cool as the movie?"