Jack Daniel
Legend
Okay, I'm actually just moving these song parodies over from the WotC boards... but I really am bored, so that's why.
----------
A DM's Rhapsody
This is not real life;
It is just fantasy.
We play this game just
To escape from reality
Open your eyes, look down at the dice and see
I'm just a fighter, I need no sympathy
Because my Strength is high, Will is low
Why do d10s have an "0"?
Any way the die rolls doesn't really matter to me, to me
DM, just killed an orc
Put an arrow though his head, got some XP 'cause he's dead
DM, the game had just begun
But now I've gone and blown it all away
DM, oo-oo-ooh, didn't mean to make you cry
But if you don't let me have another level
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters
It's late, 4:00 AM has come
Sends shivers down my spine, all the Dew we've done this time
Goodbye, ev'rybody, we've got to stop
Gotta leave you all behind and face real life
DM, oo-oo-ooh, I don't want to go
I sometimes wish I'd never been a nerd at all
I see a little miniature of a dwarf
(Reflex half, Reflex half) Will you make the die roll?
Fireballs and lightning, very, very fright'ning me
(Baggins, Bilbo) Baggins, Bilbo
(Baggins, Bilbo) Baggins, Bilbo
Baggins, Bilbo and Frodo (Drizzt Do'o'o'oh)
I'm just a fighter, nobody loves me
(He's just a fighter with very low abilities)
Spare him his combat with this monstrosity
Strength is high, Will is low, will you let me roll?
Big miss chance! No, we will not let you roll
(Let him roll!) Big miss chance! No, we will not let you roll
(Let him roll!) We will not let you roll
Let me roll! (Will not let you roll)
Let me roll! (Will not let you roll) Let me roll!
Ah No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh, Gary Gygax, Gary Gygax) Gary Gygax, let me roll!
Beelzebub has a devil higher level, than me...
Than me
So you think you can toast me and just let me fry?
So you think you can roast me and leave me to die?
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby
Just gotta raised, just gotta get ressurected here
Nothing really matters, anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me
Any way the die rolls
----------
Stairway to Twenty
There's a player who's sure
All that glitters is GP
And he's hacking a stairway to twenty.
When he gets there he knows
If advancement is closed
With a kill he can take epic levels.
Ooh, ooh, and he's hacking a stairway to twenty.
There's a rule in the book
But he wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes rules have no meaning.
From the DMing screen
There's a whimpering shell,
Sometimes the best of our dungeons are ruined.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.
There's a feeling I get
When I look to the left,
And the cleric is crying for leaving.
On my sheet I have seen
Rows of prestige classing,
And the whining of those who sit gawking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.
And it's shouted that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the bard will inspire greatness.
And a new game will dawn
For those who play long
And the basement will echo with laughter.
If there's a munchkin in your game group
Don't be alarmed now,
It's just a twink who needs a tune-up.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But role or rollplay
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.
Your head is pounding and it won't go
In case you don't know,
The bard is calling for your cover,
Dear player, can you hear the die roll,
And did you know
Your stairway is PHB, 22.
And as we move on through the game
Our levels greater than our scores.
There walks a player we all know
Who shines a torch and wants to show
How magic items still take gold.
And if you blow and pray real hard
The crit will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a play a role not to roll.
And he's buying a stairway to twenty.
----------
The Dark Side of the Screen
The cleric is a munchkin class.
The cleric is a munchkin class.
Remembering games and casting harm and laughs.
Got to keep the players off that path.
Arturick is in the hall.
The Arturicks are in my hall.
His roadies are always flocking to my door
And every day the groupies number more.
And if the munchkins ruin one more scene
And if there are no more NPCs left
And if your head explodes because what I say goes
I'll see you on the dark side of the screen.
The artifact is in my head.
The artifact is in my head
You raise the blade, you'll start to change
I'll screw with my PCs 'till they're sane.
You break the curse
And level up once more
There's a relic in my head you've got in store.
And if you beat that one, and some hit points remain
A demilich will appear and eat your brain.
And if the group you're in starts playing a DM who's green
I'll see you on the dark side of the screen.
----------
Noobie
It's been one week since I got to be
A necromancer with a skeleton army
Five days since I went to you saying
"How did you kill off all of my zombies?"
Three days since Cthulhu
Danced a jig on my spleen, and then a softshoe
Yesterday you'd beheaded me
But it'll still be a day until I have a new sheet
Hey, now I think I'll try a monk next
An elf who's oversexed
Then I'll multi into wizard
I summon beasts to the fight
and flank from the left or right
And I like the cleric
I think I'll take it just because I can.
I'll toast a kobold with a fireball
Because they're not tall
The babies get magic missiles.
And since the fighter's got the good hits
But not the bard's wits,
I'll have to raise my levels by two
Like Drizzt Do'Urden, I'll have two swords
Tons of magic wards
And my AC will go through the roof
Gonna max my DEX and win the checks
In fights I'm always next
I like ballistas, they're the nastiest of ranges
Gotta roll the die, 'cause I'll try
To make a dragon fry
And it won't matter what its age is
How can I grow if the peasants make their saving throws
I get XP for people in their death throes
I'm the kind of guy who laughs when other players die.
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to load all my d20s
I have a history of ripping up my sheet.
It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your dice in the air and said "You're crazy"
Five days since you bludgeoned me
With the MM, the DMG, and the PHB
It's been three days since the afternoon
You let me go prestige class
not a moment too soon
Yesterday you drew and quarted me
and now I need to start all over with a new sheet
Think I'm gonna run out of D&D sheets.
Got to go print off more D&D sheets.
I'll never quit my new D&D sheets.
----------
I'll need help thinking of more. Anyone have a song they want parodied?
----------
A DM's Rhapsody
This is not real life;
It is just fantasy.
We play this game just
To escape from reality
Open your eyes, look down at the dice and see
I'm just a fighter, I need no sympathy
Because my Strength is high, Will is low
Why do d10s have an "0"?
Any way the die rolls doesn't really matter to me, to me
DM, just killed an orc
Put an arrow though his head, got some XP 'cause he's dead
DM, the game had just begun
But now I've gone and blown it all away
DM, oo-oo-ooh, didn't mean to make you cry
But if you don't let me have another level
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters
It's late, 4:00 AM has come
Sends shivers down my spine, all the Dew we've done this time
Goodbye, ev'rybody, we've got to stop
Gotta leave you all behind and face real life
DM, oo-oo-ooh, I don't want to go
I sometimes wish I'd never been a nerd at all
I see a little miniature of a dwarf
(Reflex half, Reflex half) Will you make the die roll?
Fireballs and lightning, very, very fright'ning me
(Baggins, Bilbo) Baggins, Bilbo
(Baggins, Bilbo) Baggins, Bilbo
Baggins, Bilbo and Frodo (Drizzt Do'o'o'oh)
I'm just a fighter, nobody loves me
(He's just a fighter with very low abilities)
Spare him his combat with this monstrosity
Strength is high, Will is low, will you let me roll?
Big miss chance! No, we will not let you roll
(Let him roll!) Big miss chance! No, we will not let you roll
(Let him roll!) We will not let you roll
Let me roll! (Will not let you roll)
Let me roll! (Will not let you roll) Let me roll!
Ah No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh, Gary Gygax, Gary Gygax) Gary Gygax, let me roll!
Beelzebub has a devil higher level, than me...
Than me
So you think you can toast me and just let me fry?
So you think you can roast me and leave me to die?
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby
Just gotta raised, just gotta get ressurected here
Nothing really matters, anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me
Any way the die rolls
----------
Stairway to Twenty
There's a player who's sure
All that glitters is GP
And he's hacking a stairway to twenty.
When he gets there he knows
If advancement is closed
With a kill he can take epic levels.
Ooh, ooh, and he's hacking a stairway to twenty.
There's a rule in the book
But he wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes rules have no meaning.
From the DMing screen
There's a whimpering shell,
Sometimes the best of our dungeons are ruined.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.
There's a feeling I get
When I look to the left,
And the cleric is crying for leaving.
On my sheet I have seen
Rows of prestige classing,
And the whining of those who sit gawking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.
And it's shouted that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the bard will inspire greatness.
And a new game will dawn
For those who play long
And the basement will echo with laughter.
If there's a munchkin in your game group
Don't be alarmed now,
It's just a twink who needs a tune-up.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But role or rollplay
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.
Your head is pounding and it won't go
In case you don't know,
The bard is calling for your cover,
Dear player, can you hear the die roll,
And did you know
Your stairway is PHB, 22.
And as we move on through the game
Our levels greater than our scores.
There walks a player we all know
Who shines a torch and wants to show
How magic items still take gold.
And if you blow and pray real hard
The crit will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a play a role not to roll.
And he's buying a stairway to twenty.
----------
The Dark Side of the Screen
The cleric is a munchkin class.
The cleric is a munchkin class.
Remembering games and casting harm and laughs.
Got to keep the players off that path.
Arturick is in the hall.
The Arturicks are in my hall.
His roadies are always flocking to my door
And every day the groupies number more.
And if the munchkins ruin one more scene
And if there are no more NPCs left
And if your head explodes because what I say goes
I'll see you on the dark side of the screen.
The artifact is in my head.
The artifact is in my head
You raise the blade, you'll start to change
I'll screw with my PCs 'till they're sane.
You break the curse
And level up once more
There's a relic in my head you've got in store.
And if you beat that one, and some hit points remain
A demilich will appear and eat your brain.
And if the group you're in starts playing a DM who's green
I'll see you on the dark side of the screen.
----------
Noobie
It's been one week since I got to be
A necromancer with a skeleton army
Five days since I went to you saying
"How did you kill off all of my zombies?"
Three days since Cthulhu
Danced a jig on my spleen, and then a softshoe
Yesterday you'd beheaded me
But it'll still be a day until I have a new sheet
Hey, now I think I'll try a monk next
An elf who's oversexed
Then I'll multi into wizard
I summon beasts to the fight
and flank from the left or right
And I like the cleric
I think I'll take it just because I can.
I'll toast a kobold with a fireball
Because they're not tall
The babies get magic missiles.
And since the fighter's got the good hits
But not the bard's wits,
I'll have to raise my levels by two
Like Drizzt Do'Urden, I'll have two swords
Tons of magic wards
And my AC will go through the roof
Gonna max my DEX and win the checks
In fights I'm always next
I like ballistas, they're the nastiest of ranges
Gotta roll the die, 'cause I'll try
To make a dragon fry
And it won't matter what its age is
How can I grow if the peasants make their saving throws
I get XP for people in their death throes
I'm the kind of guy who laughs when other players die.
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to load all my d20s
I have a history of ripping up my sheet.
It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your dice in the air and said "You're crazy"
Five days since you bludgeoned me
With the MM, the DMG, and the PHB
It's been three days since the afternoon
You let me go prestige class
not a moment too soon
Yesterday you drew and quarted me
and now I need to start all over with a new sheet
Think I'm gonna run out of D&D sheets.
Got to go print off more D&D sheets.
I'll never quit my new D&D sheets.
----------
I'll need help thinking of more. Anyone have a song they want parodied?
Last edited:
