I just chewed out my players

[fireinthedust]

So I've had a group going for the last year or so, on and off. Thing is, getting people to commit to a time is iffy, and several spots at the table keep not showing up for various reasons.

I've designed my own RPG, and we're playtesting it. I love it, I think it works nicely, and when it's ready for printing it'll be great.

Thing is, I did all this work and my players keep acting like the game is a low priority: last minute cancellations, or they show up late, or leave way early.


So... I told them I wasn't cool with that, and that I don't like my game being treated like a low priority. Firm, not rude.

Anyway, I'm not sure what the fall out will be (facebook message thread), but I've got to learn to stick to my guns. If being accomodating doesn't get them to show up on time, I'll be blunt. They keep bugging me about the game, then put it off because someone asked them out for drinks. Forget it!

Might as well game with strangers through a meetup group!

 

[Morrus]

This isn't really a gaming issue; a game just happens to be the activity at hand. It's a social issue. Like any social situation, people do what they need to do. Your game clearly isn't their highest priority. That sucks for you, but that's how it is. I'm not really sure the game itself is relevant here, though. This could be bowling, or dinner, or drinking. Why do they feel it's OK to bail on arrangements with you at the last minute in favour of someone else? That's astonishingly rude.

Repeated last-minute cancellations is a social behaviour which one evaluates according; generally by not committing to people who frequently cancel last-minute. If it's because of an alternative social engagement - drinks as you say - rather than a family or work emergency, then, yeah - your friends are douches and don't value you that much if they're saying they'll do something then cancelling at the last minute in favour of an alternative activity. Doesn't make any difference if it's a game or a movie or dinner or whatever.

Family and work emergencies excepted, of course.

We've all been there. I'm afraid your friends don't value your game much. They should just come clean and tell you and stop committing to things they're unlikely to actually do.

 

[Asmor]

You sound entitled, and as though you feel you're doing your players a favor by allowing them to game with you.

Which, to be fair, you are to at least some extent. DMing is a lot of hard work, and the DM is often the center of the gaming group. But DMing is very often a thankless job.

The fact of the matter is that the players simply aren't nearly as invested in your game (or your game system!) as you are.

If it feels like your players aren't treating it like a priority, it's because, to them, it's not.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Not going against what the Guv just said, I've been in several groups in which last minute cancellations or even outright no-shows were not uncommon...and you could tell who and why.

And it does suck.

However, instead of letting it get to me, I got the first group (and each subsequent) in which this became a problem to arrange to have a backup game or activity on game night, so at least there will be something enjoyable to do that evening.

Now, it won't stop cancellations, it won't change whether someone is being rude, and it will still suck if it's your game that keeps getting the short end, but at least it will annoy you- and anyone else comitted to showing up- a bit less since you'll still be having a good time with friends.

 

[the Jester]

Do you require all the players to show if you're going to play?

Do you set up adventures so that they require the presence of one or more specific pcs?

You might institute a "quorum" rule- if you have x players, you play, and if anyone misses the game, tough. And you should definitely avoid setting up things that require specific players to be present, at least the specific players who are worst about no-showing.

Good luck, but remember that the players have other things in their lives. A "my game takes priority or GTFO" stance might be less likely to get them to commit and more likely to crash your group, depending on how everyone gets along and how much they want to play in your game.

 

[Evenglare]

Good for you OP. As a DM it's irritating to see people wanting to play but when the time comes they are flaky, wanting to go to a party or do something else. The worst is when people constantly check their phones. If you want to play then make time for it. I understand if something horrible comes up but last minute cancellations are awful. I'd just the person rather say they didnt want to play.

 

[Dice4Hire]

I see nothing wrong about being clear about your expectations for the game, but be prepared for the others not playing along. My group plays about 90% of Saturday nights, and some potential players can only come once a month or even less. We are happy when they come, but their votes about campaigns and such do not count a whole bunch, that is up to the core three.

 

[delericho]

So I've had a group going for the last year or so, on and off. Thing is, getting people to commit to a time is iffy, and several spots at the table keep not showing up for various reasons.

Yeah, I've been there. That sucks.

Thing is, I did all this work and my players keep acting like the game is a low priority: last minute cancellations, or they show up late, or leave way early.

I hate to say it, but... your game is a low priority. It comes some way after work, family, and potentially other commitments. I know that sucks, but that is life. It's a leisure activity, so other things will always come first.

Now, that being said, it does seem that you have a very valid grievance. If your players cannot (or simply don't want to) commit properly to your game, then they absolutely should let you know so you can plan accordingly. And while the occasional last-minute cancellation, no-show, or late arrival is unavoidable, doing so constantly is just rude.

(Indeed, given the easy access to mobile phones, email, and all the other wonders of modern communications, there is virtually no excuse for simply not showing up - barring a genuine emergency, it's trivial to send a text saying, "Not going to make it. Sorry.")

What I recommend is letting your players know that you need to know if they're not going to make it. And, provided someone is up-front about their lack of availability, don't make an issue of it - just plan accordingly. However, if someone repeatedly fails to let you know in good time (and without very good reason), then drop them from the game.

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

Chewing out your players doesn't get you anywhere -- you can't expect your game to consistently be the center of everyone's attention.

Instead, recognize that life happens, and try to structure your game with that in mind. Some suggestions:

1. Establish a regular time, and stick to it (for example, the last lengthy campaign I ran was every two weeks, on Sunday, 1200-1800). For the folks committed to the game, this allows them to plan ahead, and gradually adjust family events to work around the game.

2. Establish a "quorum" rule -- a minimum number of players required to run the game (With six players, my minimum was usually three).

3. Encourage attendance and participation by making the environment friendly -- encourage folks to bring snacks, for example. Set the example by doing this yourself as DM.

4. Make it possible for "casual" gamers to drop in and out -- whether that's a communal character, an NPC, a pre-gen, or some other way to catch up.

5. Encourage repeat attendance by rewarding for the session (XP by session, etc). Don't penalize too much for not showing up if life just happens. I used to give players the option -- if they couldn't make a session, they could allow another player to run their PC, with full XP for participation, but they risked death/injury to the PC. Or their PC could not actively participate, "faded out", so to speak, run by the DM with no risk of death or injury but only gaining 75% of what the group received. That way they wouldn't fall too far behind.

In short, heavy on the carrots, light on the sticks. Embrace the zen of Dungeon Mastering -- it's not your game; the game is what happens when the group assembles.

 

[Desdichado]

Chewing out your players doesn't get you anywhere -- you can't expect your game to consistently be the center of everyone's attention.

That is true. I have a high tolerance for life happening, and making allowances for it.

That said... unless I'm really misreading it, we're not talking about life happening. We're talking about just blowing off a commitment. I had a player like that once, and frankly, everyone got pretty tired of him quickly and stopped inviting him. It's one thing to have some kind of family thing or work thing, or you got sick, or whatever, and not come to the game. But deciding at the last minute that you're not going to show because you'd just rather do something else?

I understand gaming in and of itself isn't a priority, but this isn't about gaming. This is about basic social interaction. That's just rude. Sure, gaming isn't important, but at the same time, they're counting on you to show up so something that they were going to do can happen. If you leave them in the lurch, then somehow you've missed out on a basic lesson of proper and polite social interaction that most people pick up as children.

And if you're not enjoying the game, don't tell the GM that you'll be there and then blow it off. That's passive aggressive and obnoxious in the extreme. Just say, "y'know, I've got a lot going on, and I'm not enjoying this game as much as I'd hoped, so I'm going to be prioritizing some other things for a while and my attendance might be spotty. But keep me in mind when you want to play something else." As much as a GM and budding game designer may hate to hear that, it's not nearly as bad as figuring it out by reading between the lines after your players have been flaky because they're too non-confrontational to be honest with their GM.