I killed my wife's character!

[Corinth]

Now, knowing that she wasn't going to be there for the second session, I asked her if she wanted someone else to run her character or remove the character from the adventure. I explained to her that in the latter case, there was the chance her character (and possibly the rest of the party) would be killed. She said to have one of the party members run her character.

The PCs stormed the castle, but were attacked by a wraith in a long, confined stairwell. The wraith used hit and run tactics on the PCs, and though he tried killing all of the PCs equally, only one of them died. You guessed it, my wife's character.

(...)

My wife is pretty mad at me, even though I told her that there are ways to resurrect her character. I am thinking of imposing a DM fiat that prevents characters from dying when the player is not around, but this would invalidate things that have occurred during game play and causes problems for the future in justifying why a character is suddenly missing or nigh invulnerable when a player is not around.

Any in game and/or marital advice? I'd greatly appreciate it.

Show some backbone. You explained to her what the risks are, and yet she still gave her permission for someone else to run her character. Her character dies, and she's mad at you? Smack that load of crap down the toliet, where it belongs, and remind her that she's responsible for her character's death--not you. It's part of the game, and she has no right bitching about or passing the buck off on you because she made her choice and decided to take her chances.

What's done is done; her character stays dead, and your wife can make a new one if she wants to remain in the game.

 

[Green Knight]

Show some backbone. You explained to her what the risks are, and yet she still gave her permission for someone else to run her character. Her character dies, and she's mad at you? Smack that load of crap down the toliet, where it belongs, and remind her that she's responsible for her character's death--not you. It's part of the game, and she has no right bitching about or passing the buck off on you because she made her choice and decided to take her chances.

What's done is done; her character stays dead, and your wife can make a new one if she wants to remain in the game.

Damn, that was harsh. LOL!

Wish I could help, but I got nothing. Though it is unfortunate that this is your wifes first RP experience, she seems to be good at it, but unfortunately the rest of the party turned out to consist of El Ravager, Knuckles, and Teflon Billy. :\

 

[spunky_mutters]

She acknowledged the risks when she let them play her. Don't flip flop now. It's bad form at the gaming table, let alone away from it...

 

[Tonguez]

Oh come on. She's angry? She knew the risks; you clearly explained them.

I will never understand women.

Your not suppose to understand women you just expected to accept!

Corinth

Do you actually have a wife?
and would you honestly treat her in that manner

I know that if I was to brush of my wife I'd be sleeping cold on the couch for a few days - and no (oops sorry grnadmother)

Anyway my advice is to admit that you were remiss and make her dinner...

 

[Number47]

Let me go a little off-base here. Scrap the game totally. Try to find or start a new group with different players, players that are compatible with your DMing style. It really doesn't sound like these guys will do it.

What is it with games that take place in game stores? They all have that hack-and-slash taint to them, from my experience.

 

[Darraketh]

Chances are the first character a newbie creates will not be as good as the second or third. In this game death happens.

Now is the time for her to use some of her new experience and create a better character. Tell her the new character can be a long lost twin of the deceased if she wants. Hey it works for soap operas.

 

[NoOneofConsequence]

Re: Re: I killed my wife's character!

Show some backbone. You explained to her what the risks are, and yet she still gave her permission for someone else to run her character. Her character dies, and she's mad at you? Smack that load of crap down the toliet, where it belongs, and remind her that she's responsible for her character's death--not you. It's part of the game, and she has no right bitching about or passing the buck off on you because she made her choice and decided to take her chances.

What's done is done; her character stays dead, and your wife can make a new one if she wants to remain in the game.

Are you married????

This guy is trying to get his wife involved in his favourite hobby. I tried this with every girlfriend I had for years. It's not the easiest thing in the world. Copping an attitude to your spouse after she made the effort to try your hobby is only going to end up with her unwilling to keep playing.

Also, what is implied here - though not stated - is that the other players used her character as a meat shield in her absence. THis may be why she is so upset. It certainly seems in keeping with the other players as they have been described.

She's not necessarily throwing a hissy fit - she may have a legitimate beef.

Intraparty treachery can come as a shock the first time you fall foul of it. As a guy who recently had his whole party's quest derailed by a blow in PC who just went around mucking it up for everyone, I know how it can feel.

Anyway - even if she has to accept the loss of her character (which is a fact of life in rpgs) maybe you can still be supportive. Also, it might be time for a player audit - are these people really the sorts that you want to be playing with. As far as I'm concerened when I got married I chose to put my wife ahead of a buch of guys I throw dice with every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

My 2c.

 

[Heap Thaumaturgist]

It's a game. Reality check.

This is the person you pledged to spend the rest of your life with. To love and to hold, cherish and yadda yadda. This is a living, breathing woman. You sleep next to her. She cooks your food (if you're lucky and found one of those). She will carry your children, growing inside her womb, giving her cravings for pickle yogurt, and then will undergo a day of stress and pain to bring them into the world.

I figure you can fudge it a little for her, especially if she wasn't there.

And if your players are going to get THAT up in the air about it, then they're taking things way too seriously. I mean, honestly, if it were me ... I'd look at them, grin, shrug and say: "YOU won't have to sleep on the couch. Listen. She wasn't even here, she's the only person that died. Do you want to cart her corpse around in-game until you find a cleric or do you want a pulled string and keeping a breathing body in combat for the next scene? We'll work out something that'll make for good plot. Just let it go."

Sometimes you have to let things go. Sometimes things aren't "FAIR" ... that's how life works. People get the good jobs because they know somebody, not because they're the best qualified. Attractive guys get laid more often. Pretty girls are more popular. The DM's Wife gets to fudge a little on her PC dying when she wasn't at the game table because she was off doing work and bringing in the money that puts the dice on the table. Sure, it isn't FAIR but it's not as unfair as getting hit by a speeding motorist as you cross the street. It isn't losing your entire livelyhood because your boss cooked the books and the company collapsed. It's a moment of disturbed verisimilitude in a GAME ... one that can even be integrated with a moment of thinking and added to the plotline.

--HT

 

[jollyninja]

damn those attractive guys and their getting laid! man i hate them!

WARNING: from single guy perspective WARNING

it boils down to the following question. which do you value more, cohesive gaming experience or happy wife? every person at that table expects you to treat her differently or they are stupid. even if you try not to, you will because you love her and i assume, you do not love them. if they agreed to play in a campaign where the dm's wife is involved they should expect this. just make sure it's put to the players that if their characters suffer a similar fate (dying while player is not present) you will do the same for them. also making it fairly easy to get characters in general raised for the next little while might not be the worst idea if you really want to keep these people as your players. they don't seem like the type i would want to waste my time with.

 

[NoOneofConsequence]

It's a game. Reality check.

This is the person you pledged to spend the rest of your life with. To love and to hold, cherish and yadda yadda. This is a living, breathing woman. You sleep next to her. She cooks your food (if you're lucky and found one of those). She will carry your children, growing inside her womb, giving her cravings for pickle yogurt, and then will undergo a day of stress and pain to bring them into the world.

I figure you can fudge it a little for her, especially if she wasn't there.

And if your players are going to get THAT up in the air about it, then they're taking things way too seriously. I mean, honestly, if it were me ... I'd look at them, grin, shrug and say: "YOU won't have to sleep on the couch. Listen. She wasn't even here, she's the only person that died. Do you want to cart her corpse around in-game until you find a cleric or do you want a pulled string and keeping a breathing body in combat for the next scene? We'll work out something that'll make for good plot. Just let it go."

Sometimes you have to let things go. Sometimes things aren't "FAIR" ... that's how life works. People get the good jobs because they know somebody, not because they're the best qualified. Attractive guys get laid more often. Pretty girls are more popular. The DM's Wife gets to fudge a little on her PC dying when she wasn't at the game table because she was off doing work and bringing in the money that puts the dice on the table. Sure, it isn't FAIR but it's not as unfair as getting hit by a speeding motorist as you cross the street. It isn't losing your entire livelyhood because your boss cooked the books and the company collapsed. It's a moment of disturbed verisimilitude in a GAME ... one that can even be integrated with a moment of thinking and added to the plotline.

--HT

Testify, brother!