I killed my wife's character!

[SurgicalSteel]

newbs all around

Well, hmmm...
I am trying to think of a way to say this tactically...

Alright.
I am known in my group as a ruthless GM, and I have acquired an unwonted reputation as a character killer.

While I neither accept nor reject this label, there are three rules I learned early.

#1 when a player is away, YOU control their character and let them always hang back. I don't care if they are barbarians.
This way, the only way that character dies is if the entire party is killed.

#2 Never kill characters on their first adventure.

#3 and this is the most important, Never, never kill a newbie player's first character on the first adventure


In some ways you did all of these things.

This is not good DMing.
There are times when characters are permitted to die.
When a newbie player with their first character is not playing is about the worst possible time to kill a character that I can concieve of.


Frankly, this is about you experience and skill as a GM.
Now if you are a newbie GM thats understandable, but it still boils down to this:

Never, never, NEVER kill a character if the player who made the character is not there.
The character is...
comatose, or
blind and crippled, or
teleported away mysteriously or
blah blah blah, but do not kill a character if the player who made that character was not controlling her/his actions at the time.

Thats about the best way to make someone leave your group that I know of.


The fact that she is your wife has nothing to do with this.
As a DM, you screwed up.
It doesn't matter if you never even met the person before.
Thats just bad DMing.


Its that simple (unless you intend to make sure your group disintegrates, that is).

 

[mirzabah]

Showing favouritism to your wife isn't going to win you or her any friends in your group. Your wife will get over her character's death soon enough - most people do and women are people too.

That being said, nothing sucks more than having a character die while you're not at the table. Talk her through it some more - chances are she still has plenty of spleen to vent.

A fiat that prevents a PC from dying while their player is absent is not necessary. Either the player takes the risk and lets someone else run their character, or else the PC "returns to town" for the duration.

Finally, I agree with whoever it was that said you should dump your group. Well, maybe "dump" is overly harsh, but it does sound like your wife is exactly the kind of player you're looking for. I think you will soon get very sick of feeding the rest of your group a steady diet of dungeon-crawl mash.

 

[Corinth]

You're not suppose to understand women; you're just expected to accept!

In jest or not, I've seen far more harm than good come from such an approach in my years. That's why I don't subscribe to it; I call a woman's errors as readily as I do a man's, and damned be they that can't hack it.

Corinth: Do you actually have a wife, and would you honestly treat her in that manner?

If I wanted to advertise my marital status, I'd say so in my user profile. (Not that the question is relevant.) Everyone is equal at the gaming table, and no one--no one--gets any preferential treatment for any reason. I do not tolerate metagame reactions to events in my game either; what happens at the table stays at the table, be it good or bad, and if anyone has a problem then they can bring up after the session ends.

I know that if I was to brush of my wife I'd be sleeping cold on the couch for a few days. Anyway my advice is to admit that you were remiss and make her dinner...

The wife is an adult, and therefore is responsible for her actions; hold the woman accountable! No compromises, no tolerance for metagame reactions to events at the gaming table and accept no excuses. Before the GM, all players must be equal; it's the only way to be fair to all--including the GM--who partake of the game.

 

[Valen]

I appreciate all of the advice/suggestions/criticism, keep it coming.

The ideas of playing out her afterlife experiences and dealing with an undead-taint have potential. My wife is huge Buffy fan and she has already been saying things like, "I am not sure my character would want to be returned to life" and "I don't want to work at a fast-food tavern or have meaningless sex with a vampire."

I thought about having the other PCs locate a true resurrection spell and a 5000 gp gem, but I bet that they'd would simply sell the gem for a couple of +1 longswords.

As a side note, this post seems to have provided a good bit of illumination on the rift between those who are single and those who are married.

 

[S'mon]

I guarentee you the other players will all complain if you let her character 'undie'. "Oh yeah sure, when the DM's wife dies it doens't count, but when WE die its all "the dice are infallible" ::

Yeah, don't rewind time unless you want to trash your campaign, IMO. If your game has resurrection magic and she can plausibly be resurrected, fair enough. Otherwise she needs to make up a new PC and move on - and next time maybe she'll believe you when you say PCs can die. I know I wouldn't play in a game where the GM's wife's PC had immunity, and I wouldn't expect my players to either - my wife sometimes plays and she knows her PCs can die - and there's basically no raise dead in my game, either. I've always favoured being consistent to the gameworld over favouring players - and a favourite PC died on Sunday in my game through no fault of his own, I hope I don't lose a friend over it...

 

[S'mon]

I just consulted with my wife and she agrees strongly with me that showing the kind of favouritism many posters seem to advocate is NOT the way to go, if you expect to keep your players. Besides which, knowing the GM will always let the PCs survive totally devalues their in-game accomplishments.

My wife commented that "if she had her PC go on a spiritual retreat to a cabin in the woods while she was away, and it got attacked and her PC killed", THEN she'd be angry. But playing in a gamestore hack & slash game and expecting wifely invulnerability would really suck.

I agree with those who suggest that maybe your roleplayer wife shouldn't be in the same campaign as your hack & slash gamestore players. Maybe you should run some solo games for her, maybe you should get some new roleplayer-type players (off the Internet? worked for me!).

 

[Pyske]

As a side note, this post seems to have provided a good bit of illumination on the rift between those who are single and those who are married.

Don't jump too far with those conclusions. You seemed to like my suggestions, and I'm not married.

. . . . . . . -- Eric

 

[hong]

Testify, brother!

Ah, is THAT what happens to you after you get married? You get testified?


Hong "Eric's grandfather might get this joke, but his grandmother hopefully won't" Ooi

 

[Leopold]

ok stop looking at it like "I killed her PC" no you didn't. SHE killed her PC. If you targeted her and only her for some odd reason I would reverse the above, but it didn't seem like that. She played her PC to the bitter end and died. Console her, tell 'it happens', and move on. Tell her to role up another PC and move along with fond memories of her old one.


PC's die, and stupid PC's die allot, but the PC's kill PC's not the DM. Remember some advice I give my players: Retreat and running away is still an option that is sometimes best used instead of killing everything. Stoicism is nice but it's very stupid when used sometimes...

 

[Henry]

I agree that you really shouldn't go back on the events of the game, and that you explained the situation properly to your wife, and she gave her consent.

First, I DO have to ask, do you really wish to continue gaming with these people? Do they match your style, and do you all get along personally? If not, then It would really behoove you to find a different group.

Second, no offense meant to your wife, but it's a character on a sheet, not a loved one. The character (or its concept) can always be used again elsewhere.

I wish you good fortune in this, but I do hope your wife will see reason after a little time and distance from the situation. Usually, most people see reason in such a situation after a little cooling off.