I need to be more insensitive! (work rant)

[Kahuna Burger]

So a lot of the time I like my job. I work at a veterinary clinic as a receptionist/tech, and I get to talk to puppies, coo over kittens, help people who call up in a panic relax, etc. Its not perfect, some of the customers are cranky, but its a job so much better suited to me than standard office jobs.

But then there's a problem. One of the unpleasant roles of a veterinarian is some times to end a pet's life when there is nothing more that can be done. Its hardest on the vet who has to do it, but its hard on the whole staff to take the calls, make the appointment, try to figure out what to say when handling the invoicing, and just seeing an owner bring in their beloved pet (who you may have gotten to know and like yourself) and then leave alone. But here's the thing. The clinic I work at only has one full time vet, and we are incredibly busy. So when clients come in for whatever reason, its usually one of the techs who sets them up in the exam room, goes over what's needed, draws up shots, and makes sure that everything is pretty much ready for the vet to get in and do his thing. Euthanasia is no different - the vet doesn't have time to sit down with every client and discuss the remains (cremation, burial, private etc) help them decide whether to stay with their pet or not, prepare them for the proceedure, take care of the billing beforehand so that they can just leave after, etc.

And guess which tech at the office gets to do all that? Me. I've somehow become the default grief counselor of the vet clinic. Why? I dunno. I guess I'm just good at it for whatever reason. I'm gentle with them, I present them with their options and don't judge them for their choices, I try to show some honest attention and sympathy directly to the pet, which people really seem to appriciate, and apparently I'm good at preparing them for the proceedure itself so that nothing suprises or distresses them. For people who haven't decided fully, I'm pretty good at asking them questions that help them clarify the issues and my 'playing god' speech is generally well recieved and helpful. I'm just gentle and kind and caring and the right person to help people through this.

Well, I'm sick of it! I want to be a big jerk who is given something else to do the moment a potential euthanasia client walks in the door! I want to be an insensitive and disrespectful clod who shouldn't be allowed within twenty feet of a grieving pet owner! And I want to honestly NOT CARE about the people or their animals! I want to not be emotionally worn out by assisting the owners of at least six euthanised animals in the last week. I want to be selfish and care about myself and my pets and my incipent baby and let less competent people take some of the emotional burden at work, but I can't.

So help me out here. Teach me how to be insensitive, or if you already think I am when I post here, help me bring those qualities out into the real world. Help me, because if this pace keeps up, I don't have the emotional reserves...

Thanks for listening.

Kahuna Burger

 

[Bloodstone Press]

First, one of the greatest pets I've ever had was euthanized recently (he had cancer in his mouth). I can imagine what you must go through.

Second, you shouldn't change your attitude at work because of this. Your boss and coworkers will be surprised and confused by your altered mood. They will think you are over emotional, unpredictable, moody, etc.

You should take your boss aside and explain to him/her as you did here in this thread that the pressure of dealing with this is wearing you down. Vets are typically smart people. My bet is he/she will understand if you explain yourself rationally and calmly.

Don't just go in there and start acting like a jerk. Believe me, I can give you all the lessons you need in hate/rage/insensitivity. But that's not what you should do.

 

[Hand of Evil]

I am sorry, it is hard.

This is going to sound bad but you have to joke about it (away from work). Joking is a away to defuse the stress and makes it more bearable. People have been seen as insensitive for it (ER Doctors, Police, Medical Examiners).

Now, you may also want to seek a forum with other veterinary personnel to discuss before taking any advice.

 

[Mercule]

Well, I was going to crack a joke, because that's the defense mechanism I developed growing up on a farm (my dad's famous quote about pets is "It's just a hobby", even though I know how he reacted when his dog got hit by a car). I think you need something more substantive, though.

Think about what you're really saying. Right now you're chosen for this task because you have an unusual degree of empathy with people and animals. You care for them and place value on life. Because of that you put them at ease. In truth, it's a gift I wish I had -- I can come off extremely cold.

What you're saying is that you wish you cared about people less. Is that really what you want as your values?

If the task is too draining on you, that's a different matter. On that, you should talk to your boss. He should listen to your concerns.

 

[kirinke]

Gah. Kahuna. Being an empathic and understanding person is hard. It can wear you out. B4 you go postal (and if you're posting about that here, you're about to), get with your boss and explain the situation, reasonably and rationally.

And being insensitive when you're empathic will only wear you out more.

 

[kirinke]

Gah. Kahuna. Being an empathic and understanding person is hard. It can wear you out. B4 you go postal (and if you're posting about that here, you're about to), get with your boss and explain the situation, reasonably and rationally.

And being insensitive when you're empathic will only wear you out more. Because you're going against your basic nature. And we all know what happens when you go against your basic nature. &)&

 

[Kahuna Burger]

Well, just to update, obviously I bring a lot of this angst on myself by feeling I'm good at the job and not wanting someone else to do a bad job of it. Today I finally stopped just carping to non work people - I didn't bring it up with the vet directly, but I talked to one of the new girls who is very good with people but new to veterinary work. I'm going to spend some time giving her a bit of coaching on the paperwork and practical ends of it, explaining what's going to be happening, etc, and she'll start taking on some of it. I really want the clients to be cared for properly when they go through something like that, and some of the other techs just aren't suited for it, but I think she'll be able to do well, and she was very understanding of why I need an emotional rest.

Thanks again for listening and your responses.

Kahuna Burger

 

[CarlZog]

Getting somebody else to shoulder some of the burden would seem critical to me. Though the new guy might not be your best choice (if you have a choice).

Last year, our cat got cancer and eventually died. We did everything we could to give him a chance, which meant lots of visits to a specialist/emergency hospital -- Ocean State Vet. We saw a lots of people going through this, and I don't know how the techs do it. They treated every one as if it were their own, and I don't know how you or they maintain that calm, caring demeanor on a regular basis.

On our lighter visits, my girlfriend joked about getting a job as a receptionist/tech to play with animals all day, but I'd remind her of that part of the job and she'd be done with the idea. A new tech, even with the best intentions, might get overwhelmed. I hope it works out.

zog

 

[Desdichado]

Teach you to be insensitive? What, and admit that I'm an insensitive clod?

 

[Nightfall]

Like that was a such a huge secret Josh...