2 sessions in and I’m already re-sick of 5E. I mean I’m super happy everyone is having fun, but 5E is such a power fantasy.
It’s an Underdark campaign and one player made a gloomstalker who is all but invisibility in complete darkness. Add in the extra attack etc glomstalker get just sigh.
Not to mention every PC except 2 have healing magic which of course all 6 do thanks to everyone being able to use scrolls. (EDIT: This is incorrect.)
I think what you have realized is that you and your players have a different preference for TTRPG's, and since you like playing with them, you are catering to their preference.
Now from what I am reading it looks like you are still changing the game to make it less fun for the players. More chance of death and punishment because it is more fun to you. Do you really believe that you need to do this? Could it be that your players enjoy just showing up, kicking in some doors and going home feeling like for a few hours every session they are heroes?
Remember, most of us have to do a lot of annoying, punishing, relentless stuff in our daily lives; chores, taxes, work, entertaining in-laws, errands. When we have things sorted out and we have a night planned to play a session of D&D, you are happy when you sit down and have your dice and character sheet in front of you. You read through your features again and hope you get to use them to save the day. You hope you finally find a way to get a cool magic sword. Very few people sit down at the table to do more grueling, punishing work, then die because they didn't roll high enough on a single save.
I think you are probably quite experienced, and you can find ways to challenge the players
outside of the ways 5e makes it easy for players, you will see that overcoming realism can be a great boon. Don't try to challenge them with grounding realism, but maybe by overwhelming high fantasy!
I do feel for you. If you truly get frustrated by running the game your players enjoy, you might have to find another drastic change.
Or share your frustrations here, of course.