Instant feedback- the Ceramic DM judge free feedback zone of death!

[Sialia]

Upper right of each post has a Post # in thread. (Like this one is probably 40 if nobody posted while writing this) Click on that. It will open up the post in a seperate window. You can then bookmark that.

Brilliant!

I never noticed that the number was clickable. This is a handy thing to know just generally. Bookmark has been created, and now I'm off to gather more.

I will never have to hunt for a lost thread again! Whee!

Thanks soooo much for compiling the list BSF.

 

[Piratecat]

Macbeth, I've got to know. In "Distortions," where did you get the number "723 Main St." from? My house address is 723, although not on Main Street, and it seems like a weird coincidence.

 

[Macbeth]

Macbeth, I've got to know. In "Distortions," where did you get the number "723 Main St." from? My house address is 723, although not on Main Street, and it seems like a weird coincidence.

Now that is an odd coincidence. The basis for the number came from the Dark*Matter Polyhedron Minigame, where they recommend throwing the number 23 in random places, to create a pattern the PCs may pick up on, but with no real meaning. I just needed an address to fill in the dialogue, and the number 23 came to mind since I had recently read the minigame. But I havent seen many 2 digit addresses, so I threw a 7 in front to make it an address.

It's odd how things work out. The 23 part of the address was just supposed to be a nod to Dark*Matter, and the 7 was completely random, and they combined to form your address. Wierd

 

[mythago]

Comments on It's Elemental

I really liked a lot of the little details--the friendship between the two mages, the bells Perri wears on her clothing.

I would have liked to see a lot more from the fire mage. Why does he go berserk and want to cleanse the earth with fire? It would have been interesting (though not the only possibility) if he had some relationship to Carson, or Perri, or one of the other mages beforehand.

 

[Zhaneel]

Thanks Mythago.

It is amazing what 72 hours does to my brain. Those would make the story much more interesting. I'm committed to rewriting that story.

Anyone else with comments? On any of the three stories I had up? I'm looking at rewriting 2/3 or all for publication. Looking for comments more on general story stuff rather than on picture usage as that will now go by the wayside.

Zhaneel

 

[BSF]

Thanks Mythago.

It is amazing what 72 hours does to my brain. Those would make the story much more interesting. I'm committed to rewriting that story.

Anyone else with comments? On any of the three stories I had up? I'm looking at rewriting 2/3 or all for publication. Looking for comments more on general story stuff rather than on picture usage as that will now go by the wayside.

Zhaneel

I fully intend to have comments. But, frankly, I ran out of energy. I hope to resume later this week though.

 

[BSF]

Comments on "My God"

OK Macbeth,
Nifty little story. I like it.

The first few lines were a little hard for me, but that could just as easily have been a plummeting blood sugar level as anything about the story. By the time Christi left, I was hooked and wanted to read it through.

One thing I have trouble with while reading it is trying to determine Michael's "voice". I can't tell exactly how indignant he is that his plans for Christi are falling apart. I can't tell how he feels at Gabriel's arrival, I can't tell how bothered by the goat he is. You tell us a bit about these things, but I don't really feel them. You do a much better job describing Gabriel.

Now, it is not always easy to convey character voice, so don't take that the wrong way. But, if you can find a way to bring in more character then I think Michael would be a character that can be better empathized with.

Picture Use:
Yoshimay Kurosawa was great! Very interesting way to use the picture. I would really like to have seen more "soul borrowing" because it has some very interesting implications, and it is dang nifty flavor. It would have also established that ability a little bit more. If Gabriel had borrowed a soul from around the time period of when Michael's ancestors were doing such things, it would have helped make Yoshimay Kurosawa feel a little less forced.

The relics were interesting. A difficult image to tie in, but you found a way. It isn't the strongest picture usage, but I didn't think of it as a throwaway either.

The introduction of God is obviously important!

The rest, might be described as nothing surprising, but nothing wasted either. I did like the comment on the lines in grandmother's face being representative of every secret she had learned. For me, that brings the picture into more relevancy. Whether everyone else will agree or not, I don't know.

Overall, I enjoyed it. I would have liked it to have been a little longer and maybe to explore some ideas in a bit more depth, but it was enjoyable and a bit thought-provoking. Always a good thing.

Anyway, I will see you tonight for the game. I will reserve my non-literary commentary until then.

 

[Macbeth]

Thanks for the feedback. I'll post a more in depth response later, possibly later today if I can get moved out of my room, but I wanted to quickly agree that yes, it should have been longer. I had more ideas, but I just ran out of energy. The last couple of weeks have been an unbelievable drain, what with all that I've had to do, and I just couldn't find the right way to add more. if I had more energy, I think I could expand on it considerably, but I'm just running on empty at this point. Tonight's game will be a nice chance to recharge my batteries, so to speak.

 

[Eeralai]

Hooray! You finished! My favorite part of the story was Gabriel being able to pull souls into his body. That was excellent. But, because he could do this, I would have thought he would have been able to find God a lot sooner. I also was bothered by the fact that the grandma knew how to release God, but instead of releasing Him, she just became a nun. It didn't sound like the whole family had to thank Him, just one member. If you decide to add to the story, I think flushing out how God should be released would help. Thanks for the story! It was a fun read.

 

[Eeralai]

BTW, have you watched Dogma recently? That's what I couldn't help comparing your story to. I think Gabriel needs to be more like Alan Rickman, but that's just a personal preference