D&D 5E Intrepid Adventures of Legend or Hobo Murderers on the Loose (a pogre storyhour)(11/3/15)


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pogre

Legend
Intrepid Adventures of Legend or Hobo Murderers on the Loose (a pogre storyhour)

Episode 10
Did You Summon That?

Picking their way through the fungi cavern the adventurers continued down a passage leading out slanting sharply down. Running parallel to the corridor was a fast moving river. The rivers rapids created a cold mist and a loud roar. The group was quickly soaked to the bone and the dampness made footing treacherous.

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The group followed the river’s course to a chamber where it dumped in a pounding waterfall down into a chasm. They backtracked and too another side corridor that terminated in a chamber where some humanoids were working on some mining.

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The group was able to jump the humanoids and had them dead before they could react much. Soaked, but flush with victory, they discovered a rough hewn set of stairs leading further down. With deep sighs all around, the adventurers continued down.

The stairs terminated at a small cavern and beyond was a passage leading to a room. Notably this room was made of worked stone. It was also guarded by a pair of humanoids that the adventurers slayed.

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Brodek inspected the walls and floors of the room after the fight. “This is different than the stonework above,” the dwarf announced.

“How so?” Osbourne asked.

“Different materials. I believe it is dwarven construction,” Brodek replied.

The group dried their clothes while they took a short rest. They proceeded through the room’s door down a very long corridor that ended in a tee. The tee had short passages branching in opposite directions, both with doors at the end. The group headed right and opened the door.

The door opened into a room with a number of beds and eight humanoids lounging around. The humanoids grabbed their weapons and rushed to face the invading adventurers.

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The group stayed in the hallway to force the humanoids into a bottleneck. Even with the reduced frontage the humanoids were doing considerable damage. Brodek took on a couple of wounds quickly and Gideon had his hands full.

Osbourne cast magical missiles at the defenders, but then, suddenly, something odd happened. A large horselike creature, with a spiraled horn sprouting from its forehead appeared in the room behind the humanoids.

“Did you summon that thing?” Cabo asked Osbourne.

“Apparently,” Osbourne replied.

“Is it on our side?” Cabo asked.

“I certainly hope so,” Osbourne answered.

The unicorn reared up and its mighty hooves flashed quickly at the skulls of two humanoids nearby splattering their formerly startled brains across the room. The humanoids turned in rage at the new combatant and quickly struck. Deep wounds began to appear on the Unicorn’s flanks.

The equine combatant was undeterred and again its hoof-driven fury took its toll as another humanoid dropped from hoof-inflicted wounds. The momentum of the melee had shifted and now the group fought their way into the room. Pinched from both sides the remaining humanoids fell quickly.

Cabo stepped up and began gently petting the unicorn. “How long will he be with us?” he asked Osbourne.

“Not long, its a manifestation of my wild magic,” Osbourne replied.

Cabo continued petting the unicron. “Thanks friend he whispered.”

The unicorn seemed to tolerate Cabo’s affection, but a few seconds later it disappeared.

“That was weird,” Gideon noted.

“You have any more of those?” Cabo asked.

“It does not work that way. It was a magical accident,” Osbourne replied.

“I know we just lost the star of the show,” Brodek began. “But, I am pretty beat up and need some rest.” The dwarf pulled off his top layer of armor and flopped in one of the beds.

“What if those things had fleas?” Gideon asked the dwarf.

“Then they can have the privilege of fighting dwarven fleas!” Brodek stated. The dwarf closed his eyes and was fast asleep.
 


pogre

Legend
Intrepid Adventures of Legend or Hobo Murderers on the Loose (a pogre storyhour)

Episode 11
The Only Good Elf is…

“By the gods,” Cabo cried out.

“What’s wrong with him?” Brodek asked Osbourne.

“I gather he is having trouble with his necessaries this morning,” Osbourne replied.

“What does that mean?” Brodek asked.

“He’s got the trots,” Gideon interjected.

“Well, you should have said so,” Brodek gruffed.

Cabo returned to the group looking fairly pale.

“What ails ye’ peck?” Brodek asked.

“My stomach feels like a balled-up fist,” Cabo replied. “It must have been something I ate.”

“Likely. You can just bring up the rear,” Brodek guffawed loudly at his pun.

*****

The adventurers headed across the hall to the door. Listening, they heard yipping and growling indicating canines beyond the portal. When the door was opened they were confronted by three vicious war dogs.

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Gideon and Brodek jumped to the front to confront the dogs, while Osbourne prepared a spell. Cabo pitifully moaned helplessly in the back of the group.

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The dogs struck first and very nearly dragged Brodek down to the floor. Gideon was bitten deeply by one of the beasts, but also managed to avoid being dragged down. The dogs were clearly battle-tested and worked in concert against the adventurers. Meanwhile, Brodek and Gideon struggled to do much damage. Osbourne did slam some magic missiles into one of the dogs, but it was only wounded.

Gideon had another wound rented in his leg by a brutal bite. Now the monk could feel his life blood slipping away from him. Brodek smashed the skulls of one of the dogs and Osbourne jumped forward in the fray, while Gideon fell back. The melee was tense and the dwarf was tripped at one point, but eventually the adventurers were victorious and all three dogs lay slain.

Exactly ten minutes into the morning, the group needed a rest.

*****

The adventurers descended the stairs into a room with a pair of humanoid guards.

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The guards were killed fairly quickly.

“Keep moving pecks!” Brodek bellowed. “There’s bound to be more!”

“And if the combat did not alert them, he certainly did,” Osbourne complained.

The group burst through another door and found a chamber with an odd pentagram shape with doors on every wall. There were also a trio of Dark Elves with hand crossbows leveled at the adventurers.

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One of the bolts hit Brodek, but the dwarf managed to shrug off the weapon’s poison. Brodek and Gideon charged across the room. The pair quickly had one of dark fey slain and Osbourne’s magical bolts quickly put another down.

The remaining Dark Elf made a fighting retreat to one of the doors and disappeared in a cloud of absolute darkness.There was the distinctive sound of a door opening and closing.

Brodek charged ahead through the door and entered an odd-shaped room with a corner obscured in absolute darkness and another niche partially concealed to the group. Brodek charged into the darkness, but struck air. The dark elf cut a deep slit in the dwarf’s arm. “Now, I got ye’”, Brodek called out. Judging the dark elf’s position quickly, Brodek smashed the warrior and the darkness lifted.

Meanwhile, Osbourne had worked around the darkness and peered into the niche. There he saw a female dark elf preparing to cast a spell.

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The sorcerer unloaded a barrage of magic missiles on her and dropped her.

“She would have been bad news,” Osbourne commented.

“Aye, any elf is bad news,” Brodek replied.

The group surveyed the room and ascertained it was some sort of converted temple. Following a quick search for secret egresses and discovering none they returned to the pentagram room.

*****

The adventurers quickly opened the doors in succession and killed several dark elves that they discovered. The melees were loud and at times lengthy.

“Why don’t they come to each others’ aid?” Osbourne queried.

“They’re elves. Perfidity is second nature to them,” Brodek answered.

“Racial prejudices aside, there is something odd going on here,” Gideon replied.

“There is a conflict amongst them. It is the only explanation. Perhaps we can use some of the dark elves against the others,” Osbourne mused.

“Unless you are referring to somehow crafted weapons from their bones, the only use I can see for any of these elves is making ever higher piles of bodies,” Brodek stated.

“I am just suggesting…” Osbourne began.

“I know what you are suggesting, peck. These halls are of dwarven construction and though I am not familiar with this fortress or its history, I know these elves are desecrating its hallowed halls with their very presence. We will rededicate it with their life blood!” Brodek declared.

*****

One door revealed a room with stairs down.

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“We should finish looking around this level,” Gideon suggested. “Particularly, with Cabo of no use.”

“Hey!” Cabo called weakly.

“Yer’ up to helping then peck?” Brodek asked

Cabo could only shake his head.

“Next door on this level then,” Brodek declared and marched off.

*****

The beast was towering, menacing, and appeared ready to charge across the narrow chamber.

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“Let’s whittle him down to our level,” Gideon sneered.

“That’s the spirit peck,” Brodek cheered. The dwarf then ran into the room with a blood-curdling scream.

The huge beast landed a crushing blow on Brodek and in an instant the dwarf was bloodied and barely able to stand. Gideon vaulted into the room and landed a fury of blows on the huge humanoid that seemed to actually stagger it. Osbourne unleashed a spell on the enemy that forced it back. Roaring in a rage, the creature swung its huge weapon wildly, nearly decapitating the dwarf. Brodek braced himself and with a mighty swing fell the creature.

A quick search of the creature turned up a bag of gems and a key. Brodek needed to bind his wounds, but all were concerned that any attempted rest might be disturbed in this room.

“This door is locked. Let me see that key,” Gideon said.

Osbourne tossed him the key and Gideon quickly unlocked the door. The group soon found a welcome sight beyond, a storeroom stuffed with weapons, dry goods, and high quality foods.

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Brodek ignored his wounds for the present to get his fill of food. The halflings squealed with delight at the unboxing of each new delectable food stuff. The door was locked and the group settled in for a rest. The only disturbance was Cabo’s frequent exit to relieve himself and return. Fortified and in high spirits the group set-off again exploring.

*****

The next chamber contained a dark elf mage.

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The dark elf attempted to speak and was rewarded for his efforts with a quick death.

Down another long hallway the group found a pair of doors facing the hallway from opposite directions.

“Cabo, you watch that door while we take care of whatever is beyond this one,” Osbourne suggested.

The halfling thief grunted his assent miserably while clutching his stomach.

The adventurers broke through the first door and surprised a trio of dark elf warriors.

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Gideon was poisoned by a dark elf blade, but the group managed to slay their enemies. Just as the final elf fell, Cabo rushed into the room, “More coming.”

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These dark elf warriors had more time to prepare and numerous times Brodek had to stave off the effect of their poisoned blades. This trio of dark elves was felled as well, but not at insignificant cost. Brodek and Osbourne were wounded and Gideon was fighting off the effects of dark elf poison. Cabo was panting heavily from the exertion, despite not having raised a blade.

The adventurers retreated to the store room and bound their wounds and rested again.

*****

Setting off again into the darkness the group happened into a chamber with a clean water cistern. Down the hall from this they found a dining or meeting room.

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Further down the hall from this chamber the group chanced into a medium chamber that had been converted into a living quarter. Therein they found a lone dark elf.

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The dark elf made the mistake of trying to say something and was dead in a pool of blood in seconds.

“We could listen to what one of these dark elf’s have to say,” Osbourne suggested.

“If you want to hear lies, I can provide plenty,” Brodek retorted. “This - (Brodek pointed to his magical longsword “steelwill”) - is my elfish communicator!” Brodek then broke into grumbling, coughing chortle.

*****

“That’s it for this level,” Brodek announced confidently.

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*****

The adventurers descended the stairs onto yet another level.

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Both passages led to more dark elf warrior barracks. The group made quick work of the guards in the rooms.

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The only way out was an imposing set of double doors.

“Like sheep to the shearing chute, there is but one way for us,” Cabo announced.

The rest of the group turned toward Cabo, surprised to hear him speak above a whisper.

“Feeling a bit better,” the thief smiled weakly.

to be continued...
 


pogre

Legend
Intrepid Adventures of Legend or Hobo Murderers on the Loose (a pogre storyhour)

Episode 12
A Shocking Development

“I say we take the smaller side door,” Cabo stated. “Double doors are double trouble.”

“What is it about you and doors?” Osbourne asked.

“I admit, doors are necessary. However, like many other necessary parts of life - I don’t have to like them,” Cabo replied.

“Yer’ an odd one, even for a peck,” Brodek observed. “Right, makes me no difference - side door it is.”

The group found a passage turning sharply into a small chamber with a passage straight ahead and a door to the right. Pushing through the door the adventurers found themselves in a large hall. Directly to their left they spied a set of huge double doors.

“I’m thinking these link up to where we came in,” Brodek observed.

“Let’s find out,” Gideon stated and then opened the doors. A large, vaulted hallway led to another set of double doors. Of more immediate concern was a set of four dark elf warriors.

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The combat was brutal and fast with an end result of four dark elves lying in puddles of their own blood.

*****

The adventurers moved through the great hall. Ornate columns reached up from the floor and supported a massive, intricately-carved, vaulted ceiling. The hall terminated in a small dais of plain stone. Following a thorough investigation of the dais, they moved on to onbe of the many side doors.

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Gideon threw the door open and confronted a nasty looking dark elf warrior. Gideon hit the dark elf with a flurry of blows - blows that would have felled many of the dark elves the group had already faced, but not this elf.

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Now, the dark elf struck back. The first blow cut deeply into Gideon, but he survived. A second, flashing blade attack by the elf was narrowly avoided by the monk. Brodek stepped up and struck a mighty blow, but still the dark elf did not go down. Cabo sunk a short sword into the elf and Osbourne peppered him with magic missiles.

The dark elf was still standing, but clearly in deep trouble. Gideon managed to dodge his attacks again, and the final efforts of the rest of the group managed to bring him down.

Due to Gideon’s wounds and a general need for rest, the group retired from the level to the upper level with the locked storeroom. Brodek feasted and the rest of the group rested and recuperated.

*****

Gideon tried the door again. “I’m telling you, it is locked or barred,” the monk said.

“I can bash it,” Brodek volunteered.

The door in question led from the great hall to the room where the adventurers had killed the tough dark elf.

“Clearly, we are expected,” Osbourne observed.

“We did leave a body,” Cabo said. “Let’s try another door. There may be another way in.”

A debate ensued on the merits of pushing forward or looking for another way through. Eventually, it was agreed they should go to the other door leading from the hall, but keep guarded eyes back to make sure no one snuck up on them.

The door opened up to a chamber with a table and some chairs with doors out on either side.

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“That door heads back towards our boy’s corpse,” Brodek stated. Gideon tried the door, “It is locked or barred as well.”

“The other door then?” Osbourne asked.

Cabo flipped the table. He instructed Osbourne to come help him while he watched the locked door. Gideon was stationed out in the great hall with torchlight to watch the other locked door. Brodek prepared to open the door opposite the locked door.

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Brodek opened the door, revealing a kitchen beyond. Osbourne and Brodek went into the kitchen area to explore.

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As the dwarf and the sorcerer looked around the kitchen . They found nothing and emerged back in the room with the table and chairs. . They heard a Zoosh and a yelp of pain coming from the great hall.

As Gideon saw the bright flash of light coming towards him he could only think, “How in the worlds did that elf get past me!” Then there was smell of ozone and intense pain.

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to be continued…
 
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pogre

Legend
Intrepid Adventures of Legend or Hobo Murderers on the Loose (a pogre storyhour)

Episode 13
Fear the Puppet

Gideon had dodged the worst of the lightning bolt at the last second. Even so, every hair on his body was standing on end and was singed to boot! Gideon’s first instinct was to run for cover, but the near death experience enraged the halfling monk and he gave into his baser, less prudent emotions. With a loud yell, Gideon bounded across the hall and attacked the dark elf magic-user.

Just as Gideon launched himself bravely at the dark elf mage, he saw an impish, malevolent creature materialize next to the mage and attack.

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The creature barely missed Gideon with a weapon dripping with poison. Gideon rained a flurry of blows down on the mage, staggering him. Gideon knew one well placed blow against him would end his days. He need not of feared though, the rest of his companions came charging into the hall.

The thief, Cabo, was first and drove his short swords home on the mage. The blow was telling and a spittle of blood formed at the corner of the dark elf’s mouth.

“Don’t kill the imp! Don’t kill the imp!” Cabo wailed.

Brodek arrived next with a crashing charge. His maul drove directly down on the dark elf’s right shoulder. Shoulder plate, collar bone, and rib cage all collapsed beneath the weight of the blow as the mage stumbled back with a palpitating, bloody mess of a torso.

“Save the little imp! I want to keep him!” Cabo kept screaming.

Osbourne emerged into the hall. Spying the petite demon, he unleashed a barrage of magical missiles. The imp fell to the floor and gave a couple of death spasms and then lay still.

“Nooooo!” Cabo cried. The thief rushed over to the limp, little body and picked it up as gingerly as if he were handling a newborn babe. There was a sincere look of anguish on his face.

“What’s wrong with him?” Brodek asked.

“I think he wanted that thing alive for some reason,” Gideon said.

“Whatever for?” Osbourne asked. Then turning his attention to the apparently grieving Cabo said. “You do realize that creature you hold was demon-spawn. The purest of evils.”

Cabo glared at the sorcerer angrily and said, “You perfidious, malevolent runt! All I wanted was to keep him as my pet. You didn’t have to kill him!”

“Are you kidding me! It is pure evil! Do not let its diminutive size fool you. You could no more bend it to your will as a pet than the wildest of beasts,” an exasperated Osbourne replied.

“We will never know, will we?” Cabo replied.

“We DO KNOW!” Osbourne bellowed. “It is evil personified.”

“I’m not interested in your world view. I just want a companion. I think I will make him into a puppet,” Cabo replied. The thief then casually stuffed the small corpse into his bag.

“He’s doing what?” Gideon asked. The monk was still very crispy around the edges and was not sure if he had actually witnessed the exchange.

“I said I am making him into a puppet,” Cabo replied haughtily. “I just need to think of a name.”

“By the gods peck, yer’ not right,” Brodek stated.

With resignation and exhaustion etched in his voice Gideon said, “That lightning bolt nearly killed me. I need rest badly.”

The group retreated to their safe haven in the locked storeroom. Brodek feasted. Gideon and Osbourne rested and meditated respectively. Cabo retrieved the corpse from his bag and eviscerated it. He then cleaned and oiled the body cavity. Having finished these tasks to his satisfaction, Cabo mounted the corpse on the mummified hand he had taken earlier. He went around the storeroom and introduced his new ‘friend’ to each of the adventurers. Osbourne and Gideon were simply too stupefied to say anything. Brodek merely commented, “Bring that thing near me again peck and I’ll brain ye’.”

*****

The group finished exploring the level and took out a couple of dark elf guards at a choke point in a passage.

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Beyond the guards was a long set of stairs leading further down.

The stairs emerged into a massive hall. Also of dwarven construction, this hall was larger than any chamber the adventurers had encountered yet. The sheer size of the place was awe inspiring. There were numerous doors on both sides of the hall.

“By the gods! Look at all of those filthy doors!” Cabo noted. He retrieved his ‘puppet’ and said in a high, squeaky voice, “Yes, we hates doors!”

As the rest of the astonished, and highly annoyed group, turned to admonish Cabo their attention was returned to the hall by the pounding approach of four Worgs.

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The fighting was vicious and on two occasions adventurers were nearly pulled from their feet. The Worgs had clearly been trained and fought in concert against the group. It was an exhausting melee, but the adventurers were whole at the end.

The adventurers pushed up the great hall and could see there was a partially collapsed area in the middle of the hall. They decided to backtrack and go through the first of the side doors they had passed.

The door led to a corridor with many more doors, much to the chagrin of Cabo. One door opened up into a small storeroom guarded by a pair of goatmen.

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The goatmen were quickly slain and the group explored much of the area south of the great hall. They fought a trio of dust mephits in an old forging hall, but found most of the area unoccupied.

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*****

As Brodek burst through the doors the group was confronted by five bipedal, fishlike humanoids. “Deep ones!” Brodek yelled in rage. A guttural, war cry issued from the dwarf as if driven by some ancestral hatred.

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Brodek smashed into the nearest Deep One. Cabo slipped through the piscine foes and made his way back to the largest most dangerous looking foe. The thief then delivered a brutal attack, slipping his blade past the creature’s carapace and deep into its tender underbelly.

Gideon took on another of the Deep Ones, while Osbourne cast magic missiles at Cabo’s large victim near the rear.

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One of the Deep Ones cast a net over Brodek, which the dwarf shrugged off like a petty nuisance. The largest of the Deep Ones tried to attack Cabo, but the thief was too quick for the lumbering creature. Another attack from the theif’s blade and Osbourne’s magic missiles had the biggest Deep One down and bleeding out.

The loss of their leader seemed to have a devastating effect on the remaining Deep Ones. Their morale faltering, they quickly fell to the combined efforts of the group.

Following the battle the group began to explore the chamber they had just cleared of enemies. Gideon discovered three dark elf corpses along the back wall. As the monk began to search the dark elves. looking to add to the group’s sizable hand crossbow collection, one of the dark elves moaned. Gideon realized all three dark elves were tightly bound, unconscious, and still very much alive.

“Well, well, what have we here,” Gideon mused aloud. “Gents, we have some guests over here,” he called to the rest of the group.

to be continued...
 


Back from a successful tour of the ancient Dwarven under keep, The Old Ox Inn is happy to present the comic stylings of Cabo, and his impish friend Spot (the puppet).

Cabo: Thank you, thank you. I'm Cabo and this is Spot. Say hi, spot.

Spot: Hi spot.

Cabo: I just got back into town after adventuring with a group of great guys . . . and a Dwarf. You know what I mean? There is one in every group of adventurers. His name is Brodek. I would call this guy a dick, but that would give him entirely too much credit, because I'm not sure he has one.

Spot: Testify Cabo! Tell these folks all about Brodek and his lack of manhood.

Cabo: Right Spot. This guy Brodek walked into a wall with a boner. . . He broke his nose.

Spot: Hardy Har Har !!!

Cabo: Hey Spot, do you know what they call a woman who likes a small penis?

Spot: Hmmmm, No

Cabo: Mrs. Brodek

Cabo: Brodek had the nerve to tell me he had an 8 inch penis. Of course, I thought he was lying, but I was wrong, he really did have an 8 inch penis.

Spot: Really?

Cabo: Yep, He had an 8 inch penis stuffed right in between his buttocks.

Cabo: Sure, Brodek has a small wang, but he is also very boring. Even his hand falls asleep when he masturbates.

Spot: Cabo, I've never seen Mrs. Brodek, and wouldn't know her if she was standing next to me.

Cabo: Spot, she's easy to identify. Just listen for a woman saying, "is it in".

Spot: Stop it Cabo, you're killing me!!

Cabo: One time I was talking with Brodek in the dungeon, and he was telling me if I masturbated too much it would cause me to go blind.

Spot: What did you say Cabo?

Cabo: I said, Hey Brodek, I'm over here.

Spot: Cabo, what did you do when you got back to town from the dungeon.

Cabo: I just rested and did some shopping, but Brodek cashed in a "fate point" to add an inch to the length of his penis.

Spot: Really?

Cabo: Yep, his wife did the same.

Cabo: Brodek also told me that penis size and shoe size were related. After he told me he stared to cry.

Spot: That's sad :( Why was he crying?

Cabo: He saw my clown shoes.

Cabo: Poor Brodek. He's been so sad lately. None of us could figure it out at first.

Spot: How did you figure out what was making him sad?

Cabo: We saw his penis on a milk carton.

Cabo: You know Spot, Brodek almost didn't make it into our adventuring party.

Spot: Why was that?

Cabo: He lied on his resume. He never thought we would actually measure.

Cabo: Brodek never liked me from the start.

Spot: Thats hard to believe. Everyone loves Cabo.

Cabo: Not Brodek. When we began our adventure Brodek laughed at me when he saw I took no weapon. I told him I only needed my penis.

Spot: What did he say to that?

Cabo: Nothing. He stopped laughing when I put 18 points of damage on him.

Spot: Is that why he is still mad at you?

Cabo: No, The last night on the road I was standing by the fire with my penis out.

Spot: Why should that make him mad?

Cabo: I told him I was warming up his dinner.


Cabo: Thank you good people, myself and Spot must be going. We're here all week, don't miss our next show. Be sure to tip your wait staff, and we have hand crossbows for sale in the back of the room
 

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