Iron DM "Home Game"
- Thread starter mmadsen
- Start date
Ingredients:
Amnesia
Island Fortress
Evil Monks
Eggs
Hangman Tree
Cursed Spear, Back-biter
Act I
Dead with his Father's Spear in his Back
The Duke's son is dead with his father's prized spear in his back. The spear is a recent gift and an exemplary weapon -- but it is also a cursed "back biter", a dark creation that waited until the right moment to double back on its thrower and stab him from behind.
The PCs can be suspects in the "murder", helpful advisors investigating the crime, or friends of the Duke. Whatever the case, it should soon become clear that the spear is cursed, and that it was a gift from the Baron of [Wherever].
Act II
If confronted, the Baron has no recollection of ever giving the Duke the cursed spear. In fact, he dismisses his whole visit to the Duke as a night where he had too much mead. He only vaguely recollects it. The Baron does not realize he was drugged with the memory-wiping Lotus leaf by his advisor and bodyguard, a Monk, secretly of the Brotherhood of the Black Isle.
The Monk believes he also successfully drugged the Wizard who made the spear, but if the party can track him down, he'll admit to creating a cursed spear for the Baron's advisor.
The party can learn of the Monk's association with the Brotherhood by searching his quarters, defeating him in combat and finding tattoos, etc. From there, they'll want to take the fight to the Brotherhood -- at the behest of both the Baron and the Duke.
Act III
The Brotherhood of the Black Isle
Above the waves juts a craggy mound of black rock. Above the black rock juts a black fortress, the spartan monastery of the Brotherhood of the Black Isle.
The high-walled monastery overlooks a clearing, making it difficult to approach unseen -- except from the direction of the billowing willow tree growing near the monastery's walls. From the tree hangs a dead man, stripped to his loin cloth, rocking in the breeze. A discerning eye (Spot DC 25) may notice that the noose isn't a rope tied to the tree; it's a branch of the Hangman Tree (treat as evil Treant with Improved Grab and Contrict).
The smooth, tall walls of the monastery are difficult to climb (DC 25). The tree looks easy to climb (DC 10), and it's tall enough and close enough to the walls to get within jumping distance of the battlements. Too bad it'll kill anyone trying to climb it.
The guards will pretend not to see anyone sneaking up to the tree until it attacks. Then they'll harrass the invaders with javelins.
Once the guards sound the alarm, expect a rock 'em, sock 'em kung fu extravaganza! (Why does the Brotherhood want to turn the Duke against the Baron? Wouldn't you like to know!)
Amnesia
Island Fortress
Evil Monks
Eggs
Hangman Tree
Cursed Spear, Back-biter
Act I
Dead with his Father's Spear in his Back
The Duke's son is dead with his father's prized spear in his back. The spear is a recent gift and an exemplary weapon -- but it is also a cursed "back biter", a dark creation that waited until the right moment to double back on its thrower and stab him from behind.
The PCs can be suspects in the "murder", helpful advisors investigating the crime, or friends of the Duke. Whatever the case, it should soon become clear that the spear is cursed, and that it was a gift from the Baron of [Wherever].
Act II
If confronted, the Baron has no recollection of ever giving the Duke the cursed spear. In fact, he dismisses his whole visit to the Duke as a night where he had too much mead. He only vaguely recollects it. The Baron does not realize he was drugged with the memory-wiping Lotus leaf by his advisor and bodyguard, a Monk, secretly of the Brotherhood of the Black Isle.
The Monk believes he also successfully drugged the Wizard who made the spear, but if the party can track him down, he'll admit to creating a cursed spear for the Baron's advisor.
The party can learn of the Monk's association with the Brotherhood by searching his quarters, defeating him in combat and finding tattoos, etc. From there, they'll want to take the fight to the Brotherhood -- at the behest of both the Baron and the Duke.
Act III
The Brotherhood of the Black Isle
Above the waves juts a craggy mound of black rock. Above the black rock juts a black fortress, the spartan monastery of the Brotherhood of the Black Isle.
The high-walled monastery overlooks a clearing, making it difficult to approach unseen -- except from the direction of the billowing willow tree growing near the monastery's walls. From the tree hangs a dead man, stripped to his loin cloth, rocking in the breeze. A discerning eye (Spot DC 25) may notice that the noose isn't a rope tied to the tree; it's a branch of the Hangman Tree (treat as evil Treant with Improved Grab and Contrict).
The smooth, tall walls of the monastery are difficult to climb (DC 25). The tree looks easy to climb (DC 10), and it's tall enough and close enough to the walls to get within jumping distance of the battlements. Too bad it'll kill anyone trying to climb it.
The guards will pretend not to see anyone sneaking up to the tree until it attacks. Then they'll harrass the invaders with javelins.
Once the guards sound the alarm, expect a rock 'em, sock 'em kung fu extravaganza! (Why does the Brotherhood want to turn the Duke against the Baron? Wouldn't you like to know!)
Wicht
Hero
Bear with me while I try something 
The only fault I have with Nemm's contest is the judging system. Not that I think he does a bad job. Quite the contrary. I am quite satisfied with his decisions. But, admittedly, I am the sort that likes some sort of score to go by. Something Numerical, you understand, to sink my teeth into. So I am going to try out a numerical style of judging. I am going to judge mmadsen's and Angelsboi's first entrys (as Angelsboi challenged mmadsen in his entry I will run them against each other.) I will be as harsh as possible, even though I know this is not a real contest. I just want opinions as to how the system seems to work.
Each entry will be graded according to five things on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest and 0 being the lowest. This will thus give a final score of 0-50. High score wins. In cases of ties previous rounds may be added on. The five grades are:
Use of ingredients If a single ingredient is not used the writer loses two points. If the ingredient is not used all that well, 1 point may be lost.
Originality/Creativity How original is the idea and how well are classical elements introduced in new ways.
Believability/Usability Very Important! How easily could a DM drop this into an existing campaign. And how well does the plot hold together.
Presentation How good were the typing skills. How well were things explained. How well were things arranged.
Judges choice How well did the judge like the entry overall.
I am open incedentally to other suggested criteria. This is just what suggested itself to me.
Now. On with the judging!
MMadsens' first entry, unnamed, has some obvious weaknesses but some suprising strengths as well.
As far as Use of Ingredients I do not quite see Holy Ground in there anywhere (though perhaps the lair is meant to be holy ground) thus losing the entry 2 points. The use of the key and the use of the elemental also seem a bit arbitrary losing 1 point for each. Overall, the ingredients garner mmadsen only 6 points.
The presentation could also use a little work. No real hook is offered and the whole story-line could use a bit more background. Presentation also only garners 6 points for mmadsen.
The archtypical, evil army attacking humanity is hardly new, but mmadsen does take the idea and add some unique twist to it. The humans as chum and the sea creatures attacking with 'tame' ghouls is well described and is a creative use of old elements. For Creativity I am going to give 7 points.
Where the entry really shines is in its adaptability to private campaigns and the fact that the whole holds up together pretty well. I could see this being dropped without problem into almost any world and any shore. The only real lack of credibility IMO is the lair of the Kuo-Toa. If they retreat back to the same lair each night then how do they manage to travel further afield each day? This is not an insurmountable problem but it needs addressed. Overall I really like the concept. Thus for both Believability and Judges Choice I award 8 points. This gives mmadsen a total of 35 out of a possible 50.
Angelsboi's (also unnamed) is an entry I should have liked better. It harkens a bit to Lovecraft and the like, of which I am very fond. But I found there were too many distractions in it that made me like it less.
While each ingredient was used in the plot, I found myself wondering whether or not they were really integral to the plot or just thrown in to get them out of the way. The Kuo-toans for instance, did not really seem necessary and I had to wonder whether a different villain might not have suited the plot better. Likewise the bones, the ghoul and the elemental (especially the elemental) just seemed thrown in there. Overall Use of Ingredients only garners Angelsboi 6 points.
As far as originality, there was little original about the plot. An evil agent is trying to summon forth infernal forces and must sacrifice a lovely girl to do it. While this is a staple of fantasy, there seemed little novel in the presentation here to really call attention to itself. Likewise, the use of a doppleganger to explain the alteration of the priest into a villain, seemed a bit contrived. Overall, for originality I only give the entry a 6.
Where, in my opinion, the entry suffered the most however was the believability of the whole thing. There seem to be too many devices in the plot to make it work (like the doppleganger father, the bloodline, etc.) and be readily accepted by jaded players. While PCs don't have to know what is actually going on IMO at the time, its nice to be able to throw a cohesive story at them afterwards. Likewise it does seem strange that the villagers trust the strangers in town only after something sinister happens. Personally I think the elements could have been used better and maybe with a bit more background, an expansion of the existing details, some better plot hooks and a better motivation for the doppleganger, the whole thing would have seemed more believable to me. Believability only garners the entry 6 points and Presentation brings only 5 points.
Though they are overused, I still like many of the elements in the story and thus for Judge's Choice I give 7.
This gives Angel'sboi 30 points out of a possible 50.
Mmadsen wins with 35.
P.S. Actually I think it better to have a panel of judges rather than just 1, anyone else can feel free to try their hand at judging the same entries using the same method. If two or three do it, the combined scores can be added together for a total.
The only fault I have with Nemm's contest is the judging system. Not that I think he does a bad job. Quite the contrary. I am quite satisfied with his decisions. But, admittedly, I am the sort that likes some sort of score to go by. Something Numerical, you understand, to sink my teeth into. So I am going to try out a numerical style of judging. I am going to judge mmadsen's and Angelsboi's first entrys (as Angelsboi challenged mmadsen in his entry I will run them against each other.) I will be as harsh as possible, even though I know this is not a real contest. I just want opinions as to how the system seems to work.
Each entry will be graded according to five things on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest and 0 being the lowest. This will thus give a final score of 0-50. High score wins. In cases of ties previous rounds may be added on. The five grades are:
Use of ingredients If a single ingredient is not used the writer loses two points. If the ingredient is not used all that well, 1 point may be lost.
Originality/Creativity How original is the idea and how well are classical elements introduced in new ways.
Believability/Usability Very Important! How easily could a DM drop this into an existing campaign. And how well does the plot hold together.
Presentation How good were the typing skills. How well were things explained. How well were things arranged.
Judges choice How well did the judge like the entry overall.
I am open incedentally to other suggested criteria. This is just what suggested itself to me.
Now. On with the judging!
MMadsens' first entry, unnamed, has some obvious weaknesses but some suprising strengths as well.
As far as Use of Ingredients I do not quite see Holy Ground in there anywhere (though perhaps the lair is meant to be holy ground) thus losing the entry 2 points. The use of the key and the use of the elemental also seem a bit arbitrary losing 1 point for each. Overall, the ingredients garner mmadsen only 6 points.
The presentation could also use a little work. No real hook is offered and the whole story-line could use a bit more background. Presentation also only garners 6 points for mmadsen.
The archtypical, evil army attacking humanity is hardly new, but mmadsen does take the idea and add some unique twist to it. The humans as chum and the sea creatures attacking with 'tame' ghouls is well described and is a creative use of old elements. For Creativity I am going to give 7 points.
Where the entry really shines is in its adaptability to private campaigns and the fact that the whole holds up together pretty well. I could see this being dropped without problem into almost any world and any shore. The only real lack of credibility IMO is the lair of the Kuo-Toa. If they retreat back to the same lair each night then how do they manage to travel further afield each day? This is not an insurmountable problem but it needs addressed. Overall I really like the concept. Thus for both Believability and Judges Choice I award 8 points. This gives mmadsen a total of 35 out of a possible 50.
Angelsboi's (also unnamed) is an entry I should have liked better. It harkens a bit to Lovecraft and the like, of which I am very fond. But I found there were too many distractions in it that made me like it less.
While each ingredient was used in the plot, I found myself wondering whether or not they were really integral to the plot or just thrown in to get them out of the way. The Kuo-toans for instance, did not really seem necessary and I had to wonder whether a different villain might not have suited the plot better. Likewise the bones, the ghoul and the elemental (especially the elemental) just seemed thrown in there. Overall Use of Ingredients only garners Angelsboi 6 points.
As far as originality, there was little original about the plot. An evil agent is trying to summon forth infernal forces and must sacrifice a lovely girl to do it. While this is a staple of fantasy, there seemed little novel in the presentation here to really call attention to itself. Likewise, the use of a doppleganger to explain the alteration of the priest into a villain, seemed a bit contrived. Overall, for originality I only give the entry a 6.
Where, in my opinion, the entry suffered the most however was the believability of the whole thing. There seem to be too many devices in the plot to make it work (like the doppleganger father, the bloodline, etc.) and be readily accepted by jaded players. While PCs don't have to know what is actually going on IMO at the time, its nice to be able to throw a cohesive story at them afterwards. Likewise it does seem strange that the villagers trust the strangers in town only after something sinister happens. Personally I think the elements could have been used better and maybe with a bit more background, an expansion of the existing details, some better plot hooks and a better motivation for the doppleganger, the whole thing would have seemed more believable to me. Believability only garners the entry 6 points and Presentation brings only 5 points.
Though they are overused, I still like many of the elements in the story and thus for Judge's Choice I give 7.
This gives Angel'sboi 30 points out of a possible 50.
Mmadsen wins with 35.
P.S. Actually I think it better to have a panel of judges rather than just 1, anyone else can feel free to try their hand at judging the same entries using the same method. If two or three do it, the combined scores can be added together for a total.
el-remmen
Moderator Emeritus
When the Rat Bastard's DM Club had own secret IRON DM contest a few months ago - Phoamslinger, who was doing the judging used a point system. . .
I personally, do not like a point system for my own purposes because to me a scenario is an organic thing where too many elements depend on others - I kind of pick a scenario apart and then put back together again and see where it stands (if that makes any sense).
Then again, I am notoriously supicious of numbers as anyone who has heard my opinion on CR and XP probably knows (I barely use either in my own games).
As for a panel of judges: I think for that idea a point sytem would HAVE to be used ~ However, the problem with that is getting a panel of judgees organized and all posting in a timely manner.
I personally, do not like a point system for my own purposes because to me a scenario is an organic thing where too many elements depend on others - I kind of pick a scenario apart and then put back together again and see where it stands (if that makes any sense).
Then again, I am notoriously supicious of numbers as anyone who has heard my opinion on CR and XP probably knows (I barely use either in my own games).
As for a panel of judges: I think for that idea a point sytem would HAVE to be used ~ However, the problem with that is getting a panel of judgees organized and all posting in a timely manner.
Bear with me while I try something
Thanks for stepping to the plate, Wicht, and giving some thoughtful criticism.
And now I can't help but explain myself...
The third act is meant to be an attack on the Shrine of the Kuo-Toa. (What, no bonus points for a throw-back to D2?)
Agreed. That elemental just won't fit in the blender.
I thought that an entire village wiped out with the inhuman army still on the move would spur any high-level good party to action.
Anyway, I'd like to hear how other people feel about background, because I think of it as the kind of thing that often reads well but doesn't play well. I like a backstory that's coherent and just complex enough, not one with dozens of twists and reversals before the party even shows up. (If anyone has Aldriv's Revenge, the KoK module, it's wonderful, but the backstory is entirely too convoluted and detailed, at least for my taste.)
Thank you. As I said before, I pretty proud of that part. Also, given how one of the Ghoul's distinct traits is its spawning, it's odd that players always encounter them in small groups.
Thank you. This gets back to my point about too much backstory. As DM, it's hard to determine exactly what details can go and which can stay -- and the DM already has enough work. Keep it all just complex enough.
I meant to imply that the countryside is riddled with cavernous entries to their subterranean world.
Thanks again, Wicht.
Excellent suggestion. Let's hear some more thoughts, even if your analysis won't be as thorough and quantitative as Wicht's.
