Tuerny vs alsih2o
Well, I have to say it: this rounds submissions were not quite the quality of the previous rounds. Although I find interesting story elements in all the submission, both these entries had more weaknesses then strengths.
As I’ve done before, I’ll detail the specifics in the order they were posted - so lets go first to Tuerny’s submission:
We begin the submission with a fairly glaring problem: This adventure will fit for characters of any level. While I’m not saying that their are not adventures that can be applied to characters of any level, those are among the most difficult to craft. With the elements Tuerny has laid out in this story, I think it is ironic that the author would expect a coherent result from a party of L4 PCs, and a party of L16 PCs.
Speaking of, Irony is the one of the highpoints in the submission by the way – Tuerny has gone out of his way to provide a series of ironic situations for the PCs to encounter, the best example being the Stone Gorgon, Cockatrice, Medusa, and Basilisk. I did chuckle. Even here though, we see some short comings: How/Why would an Azer care if his clothes were on fire? I understand it is an “unexpected result,” but without some fleshing out of the concept, it just seems contrived.
Let’s move to story inconsistencies. Assumedly, this Wicht (apologies to the poster: Wicht), has a good head on his shoulders – after all, he was selected to mediate a peace agreement between the dwarf clans. So why would he provide glass containers for the pudding on an overland trek? Why not wooden caskets? Iron flasks? Also, why wouldn't players just teleport up there with the prince, and his pudding, and ring. And how about this elder Treant - can eat magic rings, create wraiths, likes pudding …(Why is this exactly?)
Story elements: at least some were well used. I like the idea that there is a pudding so great, that it is used to broker trade agreements, etc. But at some point it becomes farcical, like when it is offered to the party as part of the reward. Fine use of the ring, although some of the ironies made me wince. The tree of knowledge as a Treant in interesting, if only something more ingenious had been done with it. I find it ironic, that although the story starts inside a large city. Most of the adventure takes place outside of it. I also submit the bard-wraith is tacked on as a plot device for a riddle.
However, we do have another submission, and it is alsih2o’s
Here we have all story, no adventure. But unlike the ladyofdragons’s scenario, this one doesn’t flow particularly well. Where are the plot hooks? The plot twists/turns? Also, for bookkeeping purposes – what level should adventurers be? With Ali's adventure, we do have an idea at least. A Wraith with three levels of bard is CR7(ish). And 4 gnomes that have varied levels of Barbarian is probably the same.
Boroo’s stolen sing is not a magic ring of irony – it’s a magic ring of doing crappy stuff to NPCs. I find nothing ironic about being teleported into a mausoleum near the tree of knowledge. I am indifferent to the story arc of the necromancer waiting for the Bard to die, then creating a wraith he could not control. It uses the ingredient, but it is not well, woven. And where is the ring now? And what happens if the PCs find the tree during the day?
Not that the tasty pudding, or the barbarian rage is well used either (you know, for all those underground gnomes without darkvision who decide to become barbarians – and like pudding). Ali’s scene does take place in a city, but it is in an unattended, “long forgotten” tomb of a lesser noble. I do like the fact that Ali made the tree to be nothing more than a nondescript looking, gnarled plant – the quintessential diamond in the rough. It is just the story that surrounds it is too…unfocused.
In the end, I award the round to the least awkward submission. alsih2o simply does not have much of an adventure. I feel like players are “spawned” in the cemetery. As a matter of course, I hack the monster in the 10x10 mausoleum. After, I’m accosted by (underpants) gnomes - to keep a secret in return for bark. Tuerny, on the other hand, although he has laid the foundation for a low earning, Disney movie, has at least put together an adventure that gives other DMs ideas to modify.
**This was a particularly brutal IRON DM review. Readers who are not contestants, please understand that writing these submission (heck, writing anything) is very tough. I can tell you now “tasty pudding” and “magic ring of irony” do not lend themselves to an easily written story. I welcome positive comments in this thread to give our two reent contestants the pat on the back they certainly deserve.
For those unclear, the winner is Tuerny!.
. your review is harsh, and pretty much comes to the same conclusions i came to...at least for my "story" 
