IRON DM revival!
- Thread starter incognito
- Start date
incognito
First Post
early submissions!
I will take lunch hour at my desk (it is 11:30 here EST)
and read both submissions again, and declare a victor.
Seasong - 2 AM? Dang, that's devlotion to your craft!
Note that you BOTH had plenty of time to fine tune, you were not due for quite a while. You can be sure something to this effect will pop up during commentary.
Rune/Wicht how are you guys situated for starting this afternoon?
I will take lunch hour at my desk (it is 11:30 here EST)
and read both submissions again, and declare a victor.
Seasong - 2 AM? Dang, that's devlotion to your craft!
Note that you BOTH had plenty of time to fine tune, you were not due for quite a while. You can be sure something to this effect will pop up during commentary.
Rune/Wicht how are you guys situated for starting this afternoon?
seasong
First Post
Re: early submissions!
.
So, yeah, I know it could use more fine tuning, but I won't be able to do it until tomorrow.
Plus, sad as it is, I have to work at the workplace today.
Not my fault. My muse is a sadist.incognito said:
Unfortunately, I can't edit myself without a day's worth of break in between writing and editting. I finished that this morning, right before bussing to work, and I did some last minute edits at work, but otherwise, I just can't see the numerous things that are probably wrong with it
.So, yeah, I know it could use more fine tuning, but I won't be able to do it until tomorrow.
Plus, sad as it is, I have to work at the workplace today
.
Rune
Once A Fool
Re: early submissions!
Well...it is game-night, tonight, but...what the hell. I'm not running the game.
I go to work at won't be able to check the boards between 2 and 5 Eastern Time, but I'm good for this afternoon. As long as it starts before my game, which is, Idunno, 7 or 8ish.
incognito said:
Well...it is game-night, tonight, but...what the hell. I'm not running the game.
I go to work at won't be able to check the boards between 2 and 5 Eastern Time, but I'm good for this afternoon. As long as it starts before my game, which is, Idunno, 7 or 8ish.
incognito
First Post
Tuerny vs Seasong
Well, well, well...I knew with this list of ingredients, that we would get some high magic scenarios, I just did not realize how high magic the minds of our aspiring IRON DMs could be!
Funnily enough, the two scenarios approach this story from two different directions. Tuerny goes with the low level PCs as the dupes/shills and brings the PCs off the material plane, while seasong brings nearly the entire cast of elementals to the material, and has the PCs exposing the dupes/shills. Amusingly, both parties incorporate a little sex in their entries this time ‘round!
Tuerny has indeed redeemed himself: capturing a worthwhile politic flashpoint that has a defined, time driven, storyline - reminiscent of ‘real time’ movies, or the recent television show ’24 hours.’ In a classic sense, the party members are the fall guys, and whatever path they choose to believe, they will pay a price. Let’s look at some of the highpoints.
Good use of betrayal, and rousing music (I won’t count the typo against you Tuerny, given my past errors). Single betrayal tends to resolve quickly, and violently, where multiple betrayals is the stuff of politics – The party will be drawn in by the rumor mill presented by gathering information - or hey, maybe by the seductive Sheila Salamander (yuk, bad name). Notice that Tuerny will not allow the plot to stagnate – he advances the story at certain time increments. The main objective is made relatively easy, find the Throne, and withdraw the clock. The dilemma in this case is who to trust. Where is that divination spell when you really need it? I can say that this adventure, unlike our ring of irony romp, has some meatiness to it – there is lots of stuff the PCs are likely to want to do – this is a good place to get into trouble of one sort or another.
Which does bring me to a few let down’s in the story. The ½ Fiend Xorn is a little too removed from his own destiny. This is the Xorn that quested for this artifact, yet now can’t get up off his earthy butt to determine the correct way to restore his power? And if he trusts the Dao so implicitly, why is he finding more and more favor with ‘Iva-ruch-al’ (The betraying Salamander: I know, the sheer number of names in this round got my head spinning too). Despite a well laid out ballroom scene/area, the rest of the palace really contains only one room worth mentioning – the clock room. And I have to admit, I am pretty confused by the language as to what exactly this room does. I get the significance of spewing human fat, as a hint. The expected leap of faith for the party to change the clock time (given the sheer number of clocks), is a little ambitious. Finally, I have to add that the mechanical clock ingredient felt tacked on. The item hidden in the throne of fat could’ve been ‘the well greased bicycle chain of power’ as easily as a mechanical clock. That clock never should’ve been hidden in the throne. Mistake IMO. On the redeeming side, the concept of “time running out” and a mechanical clock is something that Tuerny exploited better than seasong.
Let’s take a look at seasong’s entry now, seeing as how I’ve coincidentally mentioned her…
The ‘Good’basics. Seasong’s set up is prettier, with better descriptive text, and a more vivid, enchanting location. I want to see that tower , if I am a player in seasong’s world, more than I want to attend Tuerny’s ball. Great NPC description and motivation. Plot hooks! The appetizer to any well thought out scenario, seasong has once again given her characters a reason to want to be a part of the…ahem…festivities. Next up, the betrayals in seasong’s submission are more heartfelt, and better woven. Truthfully, seasong is an outstanding writer who makes us invest emotion in the NPCs – makes DMing this session easier, and is certainly a prime consideration in an IRON DM contest.
Unlike seasong’s last tale, however, this adventure has some cracks in the tapestry that are tougher for me to ignore. Why are Xorns the ones repairing the clock, are they notable swimmers, besides being strong? For that matter I have grave doubts about Salamanders being their at all. It’s a WATER clock from cripes sake, seasong! I might have been tempted to buy in if all 4 elements had a unified, strong presence in the clock, but you very clearly stated “the airy kind are too flighty to be bound to a particular place…” The other thing to consider here is the challenge rating for the players. At high level, knowledge is king, and little or nothing is done to protect the web of intrigue you have strived so hard to create. Stated simply, you need some obstacles to prevent a simple divination spell from making this a 1 hour encounter. I’m not so much worried about the combat threats in this scene. Although you state that a L15 fighter, Noble Salamander would be a serious threat to PCs, I’m pretty sure some of those high level spells would ruin his day. (Banishment/Dispel Evil – hey! Even Otto’s Dance). I would’ve liked some nefarious plot devices to give this NPC and ‘Xiang’ some teeth. Why is Xiang so persuasive by the way – average fiendish Xorn CHA is 12…
This one was actually a tough call. I think seasong got a little ahead of herself trying to come up with a good challenge for high level play, and Tuerny got himself a little too spread out. Remember the problem I mentioned of waning attention span? I hit the wall with Tuerny. I did have once question – if the PCs in Tuerny’s scenario end up giving the Xorn another 1,000 years of eeeevil power – why exactly have they made a “powerful, new enemy?”
The decision comes down to this: Is seasong’s tighter story and well fleshed plot hooks a stronger draw than Tuerny’s more fast and loose, but time based, conclusion driven scene? Seasong gets me there and makes me happy I came, but I may undo all her threads quickly. Tuerny gets me there, and I may miss some or all of what is going on, based on my skill set, but it will draw to a conclusion as either way.
In round one we saw Wulf lose, when a better story did not give the PCs enough chance to get involved. This round, we will see Seasong win because although everything she created may well come undone, she got me there very and fascinated me with the scenario, even if I was able to (later) step all over her intent.
A close shave, but SEASONG takes it.
Well, well, well...I knew with this list of ingredients, that we would get some high magic scenarios, I just did not realize how high magic the minds of our aspiring IRON DMs could be!
Funnily enough, the two scenarios approach this story from two different directions. Tuerny goes with the low level PCs as the dupes/shills and brings the PCs off the material plane, while seasong brings nearly the entire cast of elementals to the material, and has the PCs exposing the dupes/shills. Amusingly, both parties incorporate a little sex in their entries this time ‘round!
Tuerny has indeed redeemed himself: capturing a worthwhile politic flashpoint that has a defined, time driven, storyline - reminiscent of ‘real time’ movies, or the recent television show ’24 hours.’ In a classic sense, the party members are the fall guys, and whatever path they choose to believe, they will pay a price. Let’s look at some of the highpoints.
Good use of betrayal, and rousing music (I won’t count the typo against you Tuerny, given my past errors). Single betrayal tends to resolve quickly, and violently, where multiple betrayals is the stuff of politics – The party will be drawn in by the rumor mill presented by gathering information - or hey, maybe by the seductive Sheila Salamander (yuk, bad name). Notice that Tuerny will not allow the plot to stagnate – he advances the story at certain time increments. The main objective is made relatively easy, find the Throne, and withdraw the clock. The dilemma in this case is who to trust. Where is that divination spell when you really need it? I can say that this adventure, unlike our ring of irony romp, has some meatiness to it – there is lots of stuff the PCs are likely to want to do – this is a good place to get into trouble of one sort or another.
Which does bring me to a few let down’s in the story. The ½ Fiend Xorn is a little too removed from his own destiny. This is the Xorn that quested for this artifact, yet now can’t get up off his earthy butt to determine the correct way to restore his power? And if he trusts the Dao so implicitly, why is he finding more and more favor with ‘Iva-ruch-al’ (The betraying Salamander: I know, the sheer number of names in this round got my head spinning too). Despite a well laid out ballroom scene/area, the rest of the palace really contains only one room worth mentioning – the clock room. And I have to admit, I am pretty confused by the language as to what exactly this room does. I get the significance of spewing human fat, as a hint. The expected leap of faith for the party to change the clock time (given the sheer number of clocks), is a little ambitious. Finally, I have to add that the mechanical clock ingredient felt tacked on. The item hidden in the throne of fat could’ve been ‘the well greased bicycle chain of power’ as easily as a mechanical clock. That clock never should’ve been hidden in the throne. Mistake IMO. On the redeeming side, the concept of “time running out” and a mechanical clock is something that Tuerny exploited better than seasong.
Let’s take a look at seasong’s entry now, seeing as how I’ve coincidentally mentioned her…
The ‘Good’basics. Seasong’s set up is prettier, with better descriptive text, and a more vivid, enchanting location. I want to see that tower , if I am a player in seasong’s world, more than I want to attend Tuerny’s ball. Great NPC description and motivation. Plot hooks! The appetizer to any well thought out scenario, seasong has once again given her characters a reason to want to be a part of the…ahem…festivities. Next up, the betrayals in seasong’s submission are more heartfelt, and better woven. Truthfully, seasong is an outstanding writer who makes us invest emotion in the NPCs – makes DMing this session easier, and is certainly a prime consideration in an IRON DM contest.
Unlike seasong’s last tale, however, this adventure has some cracks in the tapestry that are tougher for me to ignore. Why are Xorns the ones repairing the clock, are they notable swimmers, besides being strong? For that matter I have grave doubts about Salamanders being their at all. It’s a WATER clock from cripes sake, seasong! I might have been tempted to buy in if all 4 elements had a unified, strong presence in the clock, but you very clearly stated “the airy kind are too flighty to be bound to a particular place…” The other thing to consider here is the challenge rating for the players. At high level, knowledge is king, and little or nothing is done to protect the web of intrigue you have strived so hard to create. Stated simply, you need some obstacles to prevent a simple divination spell from making this a 1 hour encounter. I’m not so much worried about the combat threats in this scene. Although you state that a L15 fighter, Noble Salamander would be a serious threat to PCs, I’m pretty sure some of those high level spells would ruin his day. (Banishment/Dispel Evil – hey! Even Otto’s Dance). I would’ve liked some nefarious plot devices to give this NPC and ‘Xiang’ some teeth. Why is Xiang so persuasive by the way – average fiendish Xorn CHA is 12…
This one was actually a tough call. I think seasong got a little ahead of herself trying to come up with a good challenge for high level play, and Tuerny got himself a little too spread out. Remember the problem I mentioned of waning attention span? I hit the wall with Tuerny. I did have once question – if the PCs in Tuerny’s scenario end up giving the Xorn another 1,000 years of eeeevil power – why exactly have they made a “powerful, new enemy?”
The decision comes down to this: Is seasong’s tighter story and well fleshed plot hooks a stronger draw than Tuerny’s more fast and loose, but time based, conclusion driven scene? Seasong gets me there and makes me happy I came, but I may undo all her threads quickly. Tuerny gets me there, and I may miss some or all of what is going on, based on my skill set, but it will draw to a conclusion as either way.
In round one we saw Wulf lose, when a better story did not give the PCs enough chance to get involved. This round, we will see Seasong win because although everything she created may well come undone, she got me there very and fascinated me with the scenario, even if I was able to (later) step all over her intent.
A close shave, but SEASONG takes it.
Last edited:
MerakSpielman
First Post
That's a really good scenario Seasong! Consider it stolen, as the elemental aspect will work really well in my next campaign.
Re: early submissions!
I unforunately also really lack the time to go back and edit and re-edit it until it meets my vision of perfection. To many other projects I am involved in at the moment, though I really wish I had put rousing music in instead of raocous music.
::sighs::
incognito said:
I unforunately also really lack the time to go back and edit and re-edit it until it meets my vision of perfection. To many other projects I am involved in at the moment, though I really wish I had put rousing music in instead of raocous music.
::sighs::
seasong
First Post
Now that's the kind of pain I like. I'll see if I can patch some of those gaping holes when I get off work .
For the record, I thought Tuerny had me beat.
Regarding the water clock construction & maintenance, however, I stand by my story. The xorns are perfect for the job, and so are the salamanders. Heck, I wouldn't have had the idea until I read the MM descriptions. I'll cover that later, too, while I'm patching the holes you poked.
.For the record, I thought Tuerny had me beat.
Regarding the water clock construction & maintenance, however, I stand by my story. The xorns are perfect for the job, and so are the salamanders. Heck, I wouldn't have had the idea until I read the MM descriptions
. I'll cover that later, too, while I'm patching the holes you poked.Similar Threads
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