Is it inherently harder to be a female DM?

[Sanackranib]

guys with a female DM

They were "social" jokes, yeah - not directed at me - but of the type that guys seem to make when they're by themselves and don't tend to (in my experience) when women are around. It was like I wasn't even there.

It sounds to me like the "guys" have accepted you as one of their own. Guys will be guys and most are not as sensitive as women. Yes a lot of us really are as shallow as you portray those in your group - especially when younge, but if its not directed at you then you shouldn't take it personally. as to your question:
I don't think its any harder to be a female DM then any other job in modern society. but as I myself am a guy my opinion may not be all that informed. I have seen a lot of people who game in the UK and if this group really bothers you that much try talking to them about it. if nothing changes then you are faced with a difficult choice: leave it alone and accept it for "how it is" or find a new group. if you look online or at you local gaming store you should be able to find new players. I have a friend who reciently relocated to London for his job who is a gamer looking for a new group sp I know that there are other gamers out there. good luck, I hope that my ramblings were helpfull.

 

[mythago]

My particular gaming group is all men, and I'd like it to stay that way.

But the way to do that is to have a private gaming group, and make it clear to your buddies that you want it to be private, i.e. all-male. The passive-aggressive alternative these guys are choosing (act like jerks until the feee-male quits) is pathetic.

Guys will be guys and most are not as sensitive as women.

Spare me. If you were in a mostly-female gaming group where the girls spent the first half-hour of every session talking about their periods or their childbirth experiences in graphic detail, I'd bet you'd turn 'sensitive' right quick. Nor do I think you'd be preening about how being one of the girls because they choose to try and harass you with this every single gaming session.

Kilmore is quite right, and this has been said ad nauseum. You're not contractually bound to game with these bozos. You live in a huge metropolitan area that is teeming with gamers, game shops, universities, etc. where you can find non-jerk players. I really am not getting why you feel you can't just walk out and find another group.

 

[Sanackranib]

sensitivity

most of the gaming groups I've been in for the last 22 years have had a lot of interactive non-game BS, most also were either all guys or mostly guys. this is just a part of the game. I am not trying to defend or denounce the players in this game since I don't actually know and have never met any of them. so, I am speaking in general terms when I say that guys are not as sensitive as gals. also I said a lot of guys . . . especially the younger guys. not all guys. and as I said there is always a CHOICE. either put up with it, talk to them and try to chande it or move on.

 

[mythago]

I do think there is a big difference between out of game chatter and this kind of behavior:

I did mention that I was uncomfortable the first time this happened. It's made it worse - they now make a point of making the same kinds of jokes at the beginning of every session.

That's not players jawing around before things get going, and it's not cluelessness. I think it's pretty safe to say when the DM sits the players down and says "Guys, X makes me uncomfortable" and they INCREASE their doing of X, it's not Y-chromosome related cluelessness or missing the point. It's deliberate, it's creepy and in this case, it's probably because they have a li'l problem with a female GM.

randomling's already tried the "talk to them" approach. I note that the OTHER players in the game don't seem to care that these guys are a) creeps who b) are alienating the DM, so frankly it doesn't sound like just a couple of people are the problem.

 

[Sanackranib]

female DM's

the DM's gender for me at least is a non issue. a couple ofyeaqrs ago my wife ran a 2e Al Quadim game and we had a lot of fun. now that I have actually read page 2 of this thread it looks as though some of the issues were resolved by comminication,this is usaully the best first course of action, and if it fails then other mesures can always be taken. good lick with your game Madame DM. my hat goes off to you. DMing is hard work especially for a new DM with more expirenced players. stick with it and I'm sure you will have many rewarding games to come!

 

[Mark Chance]

Exactly!

But the way to do that is to have a private gaming group, and make it clear to your buddies that you want it to be private, i.e. all-male.

Exactly. Most of the fellows in my gaming group share my opinion. We game to get away from the burdens of being fathers and husbands for a few hours every other Saturday.

Spare me. If you were in a mostly-female gaming group where the girls spent the first half-hour of every session talking about their periods or their childbirth experiences in graphic detail, I'd bet you'd turn 'sensitive' right quick.

The lewdest, most sexual, most graphic discussions I've ever heard took place when I was the only man in a room full of women.

Kilmore is quite right, and this has been said ad nauseum. You're not contractually bound to game with these bozos.

Again, exactly. I make it clear to anyone planning on joining my gaming group that they aren't obligated to like any of us or play the game our way. Of course, someone who won't do those two things is also reminded to hit himself on the backside when closing door while leaving.

 

[seasong]

In defense of Mark Chance, he's not talking about the same thing the rest of you are talking about. I don't know why he's talking about it in this thread, but it's not the same topic at all.

Historically, men and women both have always had their equivalent to a sweat lodge, thesmaphoria, fishing trip, ladies' room, hunting rites, first bleeding, and what-have-you. These are mysteries which the gender keeps for itself, and which are as good and healthy as having a secret club when you were a kid, or a best friend with whom you share everything. Mark Chance's group just happens to use gaming as their "male mystery cult".

And that's cool.

It just doesn't have anything whatsoever to do with a group that isn't doing that, but is heckling the GM in a very inappropriate manner. Keep in mind, they let her into their group. If they were doing anything like Mark's group, that part would not have happened.

Anyway, sorry to continue the hijack. Randomling, ditch those losers and come play with our gender-balanced group in Austin, TX. I'm sure one of us has a couch you can crash on .

 

[Darius101]

Female gamers?

I hear what your saying Randomling and I must say I feel for ya.
From my experience (i am a guy) I have not seen very many females gamers until the 1990's. Before that it was not only rare but I can only recall only 3 or 4 that I knew and played AD&D with only two of them.
One was a DM of the highest caliber and non of us would cross her for fear of what she would throw at us. Those days are gone now though and she has moved on to other things.
I for one would love to be in another game Dm'd by a female because it kept us (my old group) more focussed on our characters actions.

By people telling these guys are jerks and whatnot, I can only say they are merly immature and are testing your authority as a DM. You have stated repeatedly that they treat you as normal as a player but when you put on the DM hat they changed? You need to just let them know how you feel is all. Once you set the ground rules and then enforce them you all can then enjoy your game. I like the Death die as an idea for the simple reason that it changes the focus to another player having to bring it on so to speak. I also think that in and of itself can be a sorta game for the player: Who can piss off the Dm enough to get the death die to roll? Some call this being a disiplnarien but I call it being a DM. They will then know where they stand with you and if they don't like it let em go. I am sure London has gamers all over the place try a Games Workshop store if all else fails.

Now Back to the female Dm thing.....I like the idea that games are no longer being played by fat old guys in the basement of a crumbling building. Female gamers have brought alot of stuff with them to the gaming tables. They made our groups role-play more than before. I can even remember one session where the poor girl forgot someone was role-playing with her and she almost came to fisticuffs with the guy (it was really awesome). I also had one of the strangest sessions in 25yrs with a female gamer trying to assert her characters point of view to the group through her characters actions. I must commend you on trying to Dm a group of guys...don't let a few guys ruin your aspirations to DM. If your ever in the States at Origins let me know, you can run a game for my gaming group.

There is great advice on these boards and I really enjoyed these posts here. Thanks for the topic. Borught back allot of memmories.
Take care,
Darius

 

[Ziona]

Ziona - I'm really glad things worked out better for you! Let me know how things go. Are you planning on making a story hour?

I wish things worked out better for you, as well. But like everyone else has said, you should find other people to game with. You don't need to put up with that sort of rubbish. The whole point is to have fun, whether your the DM or a player, and since you're not having fun, you should find other players.

As far as a story hour goes, I'm not sure yet. I'm still working on info and trying to prepare. My assumption is that I won't be starting for a few months. My husband and I are building a house, and we're already involved with 3 campaigns, so once we're in the house, (sometime in March or April), I think I'll begin.

Thanks for all the advice guys! Good luck, Randomling!

 

[seasong]

Ziona, you wimp. Building a house and only playing in 3 campaigns? Why, in my day, that was just a start! What, you need sleep or something?