randomling said:
The last time I DMed (second session of a new, hopefully long-running campaign, but only the 6th session I have ever run) I had a bit of a problem. I'm a woman, all three of my players are guys. And we had about half an hour of me being unable to stop them making sex jokes when I was trying to get them to get back into roleplaying. Not only did it annoy me a bit as a DM, but it also made me feel a bit uncomfortable and very conscious of the fact that I was the only woman there.
I gather you've been playing with the group for a while--have they ever done anything like this before when you were a player and one of them was the DM?
But I wonder about the reasons for this and how I can prevent this kind of thing from happening again.
Is this because I'm a newcomer to DMing? Are they testing me out?
It's hard to tell what they're doing without knowing the people involved. One of the things I've noticed about DMing though is that groups can get distracted or get into a silly mood and when that happens it's sometimes harder to get them back on track.
It's also worth pointing out that there's a different dynamic between a person and the group as a DM and as a player. When I play a game, the players are my peers and the DM is the DM. I make jokes with other players much more readily than I joke with the DM. I also relate to the DM differently during the game than I do outside of it.
Is it because they know I'm not very forceful? I find it quite hard to make my voice heard sometimes and that can make DMing a bit of a challenge.
That's one possible reason. If your group is easily distracted then the DM needs to guide them back on track. Do you remember the previous DM needing to do this regularly? That's one of the skills needed for DMing.
Or is it because I'm a girl?
I suppose that's a possibility too but I doubt they're making the jokes to harrass you now if they didn't when you were a player. How would you have handled such jokes when you were a player? If you would have said something like "these sex jokes are making me uncomfortable, please stop" but you feel inhibited in doing that now that you're the DM, that's probably the reason.
I guess part of the question is how did you try to get them back into role-playing. As a DM, there's a temptation to do it in-game by having an NPC speak up but sometimes that can be interpreted as playing along (especially if the jokes are semi-in character). Sometimes the DM just needs to step out of game and say, "hey look, let's get back to business." In my last game we'd say "less yacking; more hacking" but I guess that won't really work for a role-playing intensive game.
Piratecat apparently has a policy where puns (except for from the party bard) and out of game banter are fined--a quarter each. He calls it paying the pig and I think that the money goes towards feeding the DM and players. If the problem isn't just sex jokes but general out of character banter, you might want to talk with the group about implementing something similar.
I'd be interested to hear about the experiences of other female DMs - and from male players too. Do guys accept female players and DMs in their group? Does this kind of thing happen in other people's games?
Help me?
Looking back, I think I've only played a couple of games DMed by a woman. (Female gamers are fairly rare and at least in my experience tend to be less experienced gamers). I don't really recall a different social dynamic at those tables than at tables DMed by men though.
