Is it over for me?

[Andok]

I first got involved with D&D in high school. Back then, I knew so many people that played D&D, it was easy to find people with similar personalities and interests to game with. When I graduated and joined the military, I met a lot of new players, but I knew far less than I did when I was in high school so it was a little more difficult to find gamers with similar personalities and interests (Read: normal, outside-of-the-game friends). As the years went by, I have gradually known less and less D&D players. Now, I am 40, ‘married with children’, and I can’t find any gamers that I would be comfortable hanging out with outside of the game. They’re all much younger than me, or they are one of those stereotypical, unhygienic, dorky, 40-year old virgins that you see hanging out in hobby stores. I don’t have anything against that type of person - I just wouldn’t want to invite them over to my house for beer, BBQ, BSing, and football.

I asked several non-gaming friends if they would like to get together about once a month to play D&D, and none were interested. I tried meeting new gaming friends through bulletin boards or online forums, but everyone I meet that way is uncomfortably dorky. Again, I have nothing against these people – I just prefer hanging out with people more like myself (35- to 40-year old married guy, with a house, career, and clean cloths that weren’t purchased in the 80’s, etc.).

I know there must be other guys like me out there that game, but for the life of me I can’t figure out how to find them.

Is it time to put all of my gaming books into long-time storage and find a new hobby?

 

[Crothian]

Is it over? Only you can make that call. But as you are finding out it can be hard to meet new gamers as we ourselves get older. It is also just hard to continue gaming as familky and work responsibilities increase. Best of luck to you and hopefully, you'll find some people out there.

 

[BiggusGeekus]

There's a Gamers seeking Gamers forum if you want to meet up with people.

But, yeah, it can be hard meeting up with people you're comfortable with.

Is there are local gaming store near you where you could join in a few games or start one of your own? That way you wouldn't be inviting someone into your house (always a little creepy) and you could feel people out that way.

 

[The Cardinal]

the main problem here - or so it seems - is not getting older, but moving more and more away from a gamer-rich social environment. Non-gamers, however, have proven to be utterly without interest to me, so I'ver run that risk since I deliberately avoid close personal involvement with non-gamers...

 

[BiggusGeekus]

Oh!

Another thought is to participate in, or organize a Game Day.

ENWorld has informal conventions we call ... wait for it ... "Game Days" (we're incredibly creative with naming). Someone in an area will organize several D&D games. From browsing those threads, I've noticed they tend to be two or three sessions in a day with around three or four tables. You have a one-shot game of D&D (or two or three) and you get to meet a lot of gamers in your area.

However, I have no idea when the next San Diego game day is or if one is even being planned. :\

 

[diaglo]

patience is a virtue seldom practiced.

took me 7 years to get a group to play OD&D again.

just have patience.

 

[JoeGKushner]

Well, one thing to keep in mind if you don't want them coming over to your house, is going over to someone else's house.

I've seen a few older gamers get it in their head that because their older and have kids or a busy job that everything revolves around them. You must play at their house, on their hours on their time and if they have to cancel at the last minute, too bad.

Don't be one of those gamers.

Try going to a few conventions. Try gaming at someone else's house. Try demoing game at the local hobby store. Lots of ways to meet people and game without it evolving into a campaign. There are all manners of levels of play that you can enjoy without having dorks over to your house.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Based upon the number of people here with similar issues (myself included now that half my gaming group moved out of state), I would say we need someone to figure out how to create a series of personal demi-planes. Purchase of a CS account gets you access so you can game with other ENWorlders in person no matter their earthly geographical location.

Try not to give up, the success stories give me hope that I will find a new group, or get my old one back together one day (hopefully before we all enter the assisted living community).

 

[lastalas]

How old are your kids? Could you start making it a family game, a little family bonding? Something to at least hold you over until you find "normal" people to play with.

 

[jdrakeh]

But, yeah, it can be hard meeting up with people you're comfortable with.

You know, I never used to have a problem with this. I wonder if my standards have changed, or if the number of people I prefer to game with has merely been thinned from the herd.