Kids- How do you do it?

[Thornir Alekeg]

We found these books very helpful:

What to Expect When You're Expecting

What to Expect the First Year

Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care

We didn't like the "What to Expect..." books. If you find you don't try The Birth Book and The Baby Book by William Sears for a different viewpoint.

 

[schporto]

Congrats.
I have a 7 month old. We still manage to game on a regular basis. For the first bit she would sleep in our arms while we played, or would watch us playing. Now we get her to bed in the begining of the game. And at the very begining we took about 4 weeks off. The only awkward bit revolved around breastfeading. Everybody works that one out for themselves it seems.
I will only offer one really dumb piece of advice.
1. You will be sleeping less. This leads to...
2. You will be hungrier then you have been.
3. At weird hours because you are now keeping odd hours.
So the advice - Keep a semi helthy snack that you can eat one handed. Granola bars were our cheat.
Enjoy.
-cpd

 

[Dingleberry]

So the advice - Keep a semi helthy snack that you can eat one handed. Granola bars were our cheat.

Seconded. We kept a huge box of granola bars and cases of bottled water next to the rocker in the nursery. And Starbucks frappucino bottles in the fridge when 2:00 a.m. emergency caffeine was required and a soda just didn't sound good.

 

[Dingleberry]

Congrats, welcome to your new fitness workout for the next several years. Those darn babies are heavy.

Also seconded. For purposes of (i) forcing myself to ge as many diapers as possible, and (ii) getting my arms in shape to hold the growing kid, I adopted the following rules after my son was born: for every diaper I changed, I had to do ten push-ups; for every diaper I was available to change but someone else changed, I had to do twenty push-ups.

My arms have never been in better shape, even when I was marching drums in college. I can't imagine what a brute I'd be if we had twins.

 

[Wyn A'rienh]

Congratulations from a mother of twins!

There is so much great advice in this thread. I'm impressed.

My experience with twins is a bit different than yours will be, as I had a 2 1/2 year old when my twins were born. I was used to dealing with one baby, then I had to learn how to deal with two.

I'm not gonna lie, having twins is tough. My best advice would be to help eachother out as much as possible. My ex-husband was next to no help when mine were born, and I was a miserable zombie for weeks. You're both going to be completely exhausted for awhile. Sleep when they sleep. When one gets up in the middle of the night to eat, get the other one up as well. If they're on the same schedule, it's so much easier. Oh, and if your wife is thinking about breastfeeding, please let her know that it is absolutely possible to do with twins - I breastfed mine for a year with no problems at all. Though, if she does breastfeed them, make sure that you get up in the middle of the night as well. There's nothing like trying to latch two babies on when you're all by yourself and bleary-eyed to boot.

Toddler years with my two have been ... well, hell (they're nearly four now). They're like little partners-in-crime. It's good that you're already thinking about anger management classes ... I've always been laid-back and easy going, not angry at all, but with these two, I often have to go outside, scream, and count to ten.

Also, be prepared for a rough pregnancy. It may go perfectly, and I hope that it does, but with twins, you just never know. I went into premature labor at 28 weeks and was put on strict bedrest (only getting up to go to the bathroom) for the remainder of my pregnancy (they were born at 36 weeks). Three weeks of that bedrest were spent in the hospital. It got to where the intake people in the ER knew me by name.

It's also good to prepare yourself for the idea that one or both of them may have to spend some time in the neonatal intensive care unit. When I was pregnant, we took a tour of the unit, and familiarized ourselves with all of the equipment so that it wasn't so scary. It turned out that one of mine - the littler one - did have to spend two weeks there for a collapsed lung.

Oh, my favorite twin book during my pregnancy was Having Twins by Elizabeth Noble. Clickie It is (as I just found out) out of print, and many people appear not to like it, but it was the best one for me (and I read everything I could get my hands on).

Good luck to you both! You're definitely in for a ride ...

 

[Wyn A'rienh]

Almost forgot -

Since you're on a limited budget - something I know TONS about - you may want to consider cloth diapers. Now, don't immediately think "ewwww". Cloth diapers have come a long way in the past couple of years. I cloth diapered my twins and loved it. Here is a great FAQ link about cloth diapering. And if you or your wife sew at all, you could even make your own!

 

[BiggusGeekus]

Hey congratulations!

What I am curious about is the positives and the negatives of raising a child- umm, children. Also how do you manage to game with kids- specifically the little ones.

OK, well you're going to be giving up a lot of material things and gaining a lot of immaterial things. You seem to have a grasp on that, so I won't belabor the point.

As for dealing with it, I suggest the following: each of you gets at least two 45-guilt-free minutes all to themselves a week. Exercise, read, goof off, do whatever. But lock down those times and make it clear that unless something's on fire or bleeding, the person getting the break is not to be disturbed. You won't be able to do this the first 3 or 4 months, but it's something to do long term.

Do you have family in the area? When the kids can roll over by themselves use them for babystitting. Try to have at least one "date night" a month. Don't game. Don't invite other people. Take her out to a movie or something. Do it during the day until you are comfortable with leaving the kids with other people at night. I completely blew this and as a result I didn't take my wife out for about a year. Time passes by like lightning with kids. You blink and all of the sudden they're walking.

Gaming is going to drop to a lower priority unless your buddies also have kids. There is a definate, tangible rift between the child-free and the breeders. I still have difficulty telling my buddies that I'm going to be late to a game because I haven't put my daughter to bed in a few days and I miss it. All this being said, make sure she gets her "girl's nights" and you make sure you get your "guys nights". Again, good luck doing this the first few months, but you'll need to do it.

Kids don't need much, but what they do need is incredibly important. They need a stable routine. They need love. And they need to see you and your wife in a healthy relationship. They will be patterning their behavior based on how you two treat each other. I firmly believe that the relationship betwen the parents is the most important one in the house. So listen to your wife and make sure your communication is good.

Best of luck, man.

 

[JoeBlank]

Damn, BG. ENnie-nominated author and child/relationship expert.

I'm a dad of 3, and husband to 1. Your advice on time to yourselves, date nights, child-free v. breeders rift, girls'/guys' nights out, and kids' needs of stable routine, love and seeing parents in a healthy relationship mirrors our philosphy almost perfectly. Of course, we came to understand these things by trial and error, but it is working well for us now.

Congrats, Harmon! Some great advice in this thread. To echo what others have said: keep your marriage strong, work as a team to care for your kids, and you will find the time to do the things you enjoyed pre-parenthood.

It helps to have an understanding gaming group too. My groups are the best. I guess I am just lucky.

 

[Desdichado]

Sleep is gonna be a long lost dream, gaming is at an end, freedom to just up and go- is well- gone, the extra bills, the diapers, the expense,

Many of those things are self-fulfilling prophecies, not actual truisms about having children. If your attitude is that "gaming is at an end" than it will be. I have four small(ish) kids, and I game more now than at any point in my life since college at least, if not earlier. My wife doesn't game with us, but she goes out with her girlfriends as often as I game (if not more) seeing chick flicks, shopping, late night blitzes to Applebees (and their half-priced appetizers on Tuesday evenings) and all kinds of other things. We watch plenty of TV, see plenty of movies, and don't hire babysitters more than once or twice a year. We either switch off if it's something that only one of us is doing, and swap kid-watching with lots of good friends of ours who have kids the same age as ours. And sleep's only bad for a few weeks if you put any effort at all into establishing a schedule; although granted, twins may be more difficult than a single baby. I don't have any personal experience with that (although a co-worker that sits on the other side of the wall from me tells me her triplets got into a schedule relatively quickly because they made it a priority to do so.) And we still up and go places an awful lot. Granted, not necessarily the same places we used to before having kids, but still--there's this attitude that you have to make massive quality of life changes just because you have kids, and many of those changes aren't really ones that need to be made.

Now that doesn't mean that there won't be massive changes, but don't confuse the ones that you have to make with the ones you don't. As an example, one thing my wife and I decided is that one of the best legacies we could leave with our children is a memory of parents who had a good, active relationship on which to model their own marriages down the line. Also, since the kids are going to grow up and leave the house eventually, leaving us stuck with just each other again, we have made it a top priority to focus on our own relationship and make sure it's thriving. Adopting this attitude means that we still go out quite a bit, we still indulge each other in our hobbies, and all kinds of other things. I did have to prune back some of my hobbies--I've always had more hobbies than time, and of course, that only got worse as grad school, work, kids, etc. starting taking more time than ever, but in my opinion, it's a mistake to completely subsume your own identity into that of your kids. And in the long run, I don't think it's doing the kids any favors to do that; showing them healthy, well-adjusted adults that still have fun doing things together (without the kids on occasion) and have individuality and hobbies of their own as role models means its that much more likely that they'll grow up to be the same.

What were we talking about again? Sorry; I think I've meandered a bit. Stayed up too late reading the new Harry Potter book...

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

I still have difficulty telling my buddies that I'm going to be late to a game because I haven't put my daughter to bed in a few days and I miss it.

Officially the most precious thing I've ever read here at EN World. (I'm a daddy's girl. *sniffle* I have a soft spot for daddy/daughter moments ).