Kids- How do you do it?

[Desdichado]

(I'm a daddy's girl. *sniffle* I have a soft spot for daddy/daughter moments ).

So do I. But I'm on the other end of that relationship. I like my three sons very much, and I "get" them very well. But my relationship with my daughter is something very different.

 

[I'm A Banana]

Kids- How do you do it?

Well, when a man and a woman really love each other, the man gives the woman a backrub and a boquet of flowers, and the woman gives a man a steak, and....

You know what, nevermind. I'll tell you when you're older...

/me hopes the mean streets will teach him before I have to....

 

[Harmon]

Oh, man I think I need to change this book list from Amazon to Used Book Store.

Thank you very much for the advice and the book titles.

My wife told me yesterday that one of the twins is looking smaller then the other one by two weeks. We fear that this one might be having trouble, but there is the chance that its fading twin syndrome. Ahh, not sure how I should feel....

My wife was pretty bummed by the news but smiled when she said that the other was healthy and well.

Its kinda hard to move through all these emotions when we had given up on the idea of having kids.

Again, thank you with the books, and suggestions.

What I would like to hear are suggestions for table issues with the little ones? Do you put a play pen behind your chair? Feed the little one while your character battles? Is it healthy for the young- developing mind to hear and go through the experience of gaming while they are so young?



Treebore- the anger management classes was simply this, I don't want to get angry around my kids. I want to learn to control any flare ups that I have. When something frustrating and upsetting comes up I want to know how to handle it emotionally incase its just to much.

Everyone has a temper. A couple months ago I had a bad flare, I had been dealing with issues, trying to get something cleared up and I blew it. Things like that need to be avoided when the little ones come along.

 

[Desdichado]

What I would like to hear are suggestions for table issues with the little ones? Do you put a play pen behind your chair? Feed the little one while your character battles? Is it healthy for the young- developing mind to hear and go through the experience of gaming while they are so young?

Well, for many monthes it won't really matter much. Infants aren't likely to get into things by virtue of the fact that they can't move around very well. Even toddlers to a certain point are safe. Once they can climb up on stuff, it may be more of an issue, but it wouldn't be for me--we've never had kids that we allowed to get into stuff that we didn't allow them to. A lot of folks seem to be amazed that we've never "baby-proofed" the house with four kids, but I say teaching the kids not to get into stuff rather than simply not making it an option is preferable. I'd feed the little guy (or girl) when he needs it, although it'd be nice to try to schedule gaming between feeding sessions as much as possible. Not likely while really young and breast-feeding, as they need to eat every two to three hours, but then again, I've never been bothered by breast-feeding going on in the same room as something else I was doing. It might be an issue for some, though.

As for mental development; what are you worried about exactly? That your infant will develop violent tendencies from listening to your gaming? That doesn't seem likely to me; it'll be at least a year or two before he has any idea what you're talking about in the least. Only you know what kind of content your games have; I don't know that I'd like my older kids to necessarily hear our game sessions; our games tend to verge on horror at times, and we've got things like gruesome bodies turning up in alleys, daemonic summonings, undead, horrifyingly gross monsters, etc. but at the same time, I run a much more tame Star Wars based game for them from time to time and they love it. I tend to think it's good for babies to get used to being around "busy" locations and adapt to it. If you've got people over playing, hanging out, and whatnot, it's usually not bad to get kids used to that environment. The last thing you want is a baby that's a really light sleeper.

 

[Dingleberry]

There is a lot of good advice here, but as with any advice, feel free to ignore whatever doesn't feel right for you. These are your children, your family, don't let others tell you how to raise them.

Definitely a lot of great advice on here, but this is worth repeating. Similarly - and this isn't directed at anyone in particular who has responded here - even if you do choose to follow certain advice, it doesn't mean you'll have the same results. All babies are different, and things may work great for some that don't work at all for others. And just because something isn't working, it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong or you're a failure as a parent. YOU WILL NOT GET IT RIGHT ALL THE TIME - in part because it's a rapidly moving target. Thy grow and change really fast.

Listen to people you trust, definitely listen to your pediatrician, and do what feel right for you and your babies. Congratulations again - it's an adventure like you've never imagined.

 

[Thunderfoot]

<SNIP> My wife told me yesterday that one of the twins is looking smaller then the other one by two weeks. We fear that this one might be having trouble, but there is the chance that its fading twin syndrome. Ahh, not sure how I should feel....

My wife was pretty bummed by the news but smiled when she said that the other was healthy and well.
<SNIP>QUOTE]

I'm sorry to hear that...I was supposed to have had a twin brother, he didn't make it past about 12 weeks. If the unthinkable should happen, make sue that the other one knows, it will answer a lot of lingering questions that may be lurking in the recesses of the mind. (Why do I feel lonely, why do I feel like I'm only half here, why does it feel like something is missing, etc.) I may be happily married, have two wonderful kids, had a great relationship with my mom and other siblings, but I still have that wondering thought, what would he have been like?

Sorry to bring this discussion down... But if you need someone to talk to, I'm available (I also lost a child when I was stationed in Germany.)

 

[Funeris]

Well...as far as the kid(s) being present for the gaming, mine is and was. He's 5.5 months old now...and I wouldn't dream of shipping him off somewhere during the games (although we did that once or twice). I'm not sure I could stand that

But, both myself and my girlfriend feed him if he's hungry during play. Sometimes we have to take breaks....sometimes not. It depends on what specifically is occuring at that moment in the game. The friends I game with are pretty supportive there....all except for two of them have kids and know what its like. And actually the two that don't have kids want to hold him most of the time. Thankfully, the little bugger is quite capable at entertaining himself...whether its scooting across the floor and trying to figure out the patio door, chasing the cats (until his mind wanders), or just playing with his toys.

IMHO, gaming is a good social event for infants/toddlers because there are people to interact with. It can't hurt there mental development, after all. Now, when he's a little older, he might have to go to a babysitter or his grandparents' just because some of the...topics in our games are adult-only. And I don't want him learning about them...at say the age of 4 or 5.

If you get angry, just repeat the mantra: "In four or five years, you too can game" (Taking deep breaths all the time).

But, if you're Rel's daughter, or Ledded's son, change that to "In three years...." I know I'm going to start mine early.

 

[jgbrowning]

Definitely a lot of great advice on here, but this is worth repeating. Similarly - and this isn't directed at anyone in particular who has responded here - even if you do choose to follow certain advice, it doesn't mean you'll have the same results. All babies are different, and things may work great for some that don't work at all for others. And just because something isn't working, it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong or you're a failure as a parent. YOU WILL NOT GET IT RIGHT ALL THE TIME - in part because it's a rapidly moving target. Thy grow and change really fast.

Listen to people you trust, definitely listen to your pediatrician, and do what feel right for you and your babies. Congratulations again - it's an adventure like you've never imagined.

What's the quote? "The measure of how good your parents were is by how quickly you forgive them."

joe b.

 

[BlackSilver]

What's the quote? "The measure of how good your parents were is by how quickly you forgive them."

Where did you get that quote? I love it.

 

[Harmon]

As for mental development; what are you worried about exactly? That your infant will develop violent tendencies from listening to your gaming? That doesn't seem likely to me; it'll be at least a year or two before he has any idea what you're talking about in the least. Only you know what kind of content your games have; I don't know that I'd like my older kids to necessarily hear our game sessions; our games tend to verge on horror at times, and we've got things like gruesome bodies turning up in alleys, daemonic summonings, undead, horrifyingly gross monsters, etc. but at the same time....

I can recall some of the conversations my parents had about drugs, booze, and other such things that even to me now (when I think about it) makes me rise an eye brow. What I am thinking about is the things I say that will counter what I am trying to teach- "run him through for stealing my gold-" while previoulsy in the day it was the conversation about hitting "we don't hit people for any reason."

It seems pretty hipicritical- I know, explain it when s/he is old enough to understand, but the sub conscious can do things with conversations if they are not dealt with in the proper time.

Am I just over thinking this?

Many thanks.