Kids- How do you do it?

[Kastil]

We took our son with us when we gamed. It helped that the two people who DMed were also his God Parents. They had a 'baby jail' (AKA play pen) and my son would be quite happy playing in there or sleeping. Once he became a toddler, I let him sit on my lap and roll the dice for me. It taught him dice are meant to be rolled, not eaten. There was't much that sent my son on a 'rage' in those days and I find most people don't mind the distraction every now and again of the wonderful joy most children bring.

Children are a joy like no other!

 

[Harmon]

Children are a joy like no other!

That is what I am so looking forward to experiencing.

 

[Micah]

Well since it's twins - I'd suggest a pack n' play and a swing behind your gaming chair.

As far as gaming effecting the children - you've got time on that one. While hearing is one of the first senses developed (even before birth) comprehension of the language isn't going to hit for a year or more. Some of the things that actually will effect the children more at the beginning are the tones. If there's a lot of yelling, whooping, hollering etc at the table - the babies may startle, wake, or become upset because of loud or angry tones.

My advice on that one. When they come home from the hospital, Run the vacuum while they nap, Play the radio, talk, laugh etc. while they sleep. Don't be afraid to make noises and it will increase the chance that they will be able to sleep through noisier conditions more readily.

Make it a priority to find a babysitter. Do any of the players in your group have teens or pre-teen daughters that would be interested in tagging along to help watch the babies? You've mentioned that families aren't really an option - what about co-workers, neighbors, other social contacts that you have. It may take several tries to find a sitter with the experience and personality that you desire, but it's worth it in the long run. When ours were little - we actually had a sitter come to our house to watch the girls while we played a game. It gave us the opportunity to game and to observe how she interracted with the kids.

You won't regret having a good babsitter to call on by the time they reach two and you are at the end of every bit of patience and ounce of parental love that you have by about 10am.

If you enjoy gaming - don't give it up! You will need things like that to keep your sanity. Children eat up a good portiuon of your energy and time. If you don't take breaks though - you will break.

Make sure you both start getting in naps. There are so many challenges that you will face after birth - but you will inevitably face them all tired. Things become unbearable when you face them exhausted. Spell each other, take shifts, and hang on - the kindergarten bus will be pulling next to the curb before you know it.

 

[Desdichado]

I can recall some of the conversations my parents had about drugs, booze, and other such things that even to me now (when I think about it) makes me rise an eye brow. What I am thinking about is the things I say that will counter what I am trying to teach- "run him through for stealing my gold-" while previoulsy in the day it was the conversation about hitting "we don't hit people for any reason."

It seems pretty hipicritical- I know, explain it when s/he is old enough to understand, but the sub conscious can do things with conversations if they are not dealt with in the proper time.

Am I just over thinking this?

Many thanks.

No, not at all. It's a valid concern, and I could easily see a case being built for either direction on it. I grew up with a bunch of brothers, and we used to watch all kinds of old swashbuckler and western movies, so we naturally played all kinds of games as very young kids where we "killed" each other and whatnot. I saw Star Wars when I was five; my sister went with us and was only three, and my next youngest brother was an infant. We also saw Raiders three years later when it came out; I was 8, my sister 6 and I had brothers who were 3 and 1--watching peoples faces melt off; watching Indie wearily shoot the swordsman guy, etc.

I suppose others could argue, but I don't think it had any adverse effect on us; it was always clear that there was a difference between movies and games and real life.

But, I wouldn't simply blow off your concern even though my solution would be not to worry about it. It's a valid question, and only you can decide how you would handle it. My wife--for a long time--took a much more protective stance. She didn't like even my older kids to watch "dark" cartoons like Batman Beyond, and was happily keeping him on a diet of Winnie the Pooh and whatnot even when he was starting school. She's somewhat changed her tune lately; she even recommended that I watch Raiders with the two oldest as a father/kids moment, for example, and she gleefully commiserated with them as they grossed out (in a fun way) about the Nazis faces melting off.

I guess how protective and sheltering to be about stuff like that is ultimately up to you; you have to decide when your kids are ready to learn certain things. As long as you don't go too far and try to keep them from ever being exposed to the world, and thus being woefully unprepared for it, I don't think there's a wrong answer there. My own preference is to be somewhat less protective; let them learn things, help them learn things, even, while they're still young.

Something I learned a long time ago; children need to learn how the world works, and about consequences, and the difference between reality and fiction, etc. sometime, and in many ways, the earlier they learn these things, while the consequences blowing them are small, the better off they are. This is a bit far afield from your original question, but as an example of my attitude, my daughter called home (in kindergarten) in the winter; she had left her shoes at home ('coz she wore snow boots to school.) My response? "I'm very sorry. Tomorrow you better make sure and put them in your backpack." Many parents would rush shoes to her, but what does she learn from that? That you've always got her back? While that sounds admirable, I'd rather her learn to be responsible. The consequences of a day in kindergarten in snow boots are pretty minor compared to later in life when her job, her marriage, her college education, etc. are the consequences of not having learned responsibility.

So, the short answer is; I wouldn't worry about it; I've found that kids are brighter and yes, more responsible and mature in many ways, than most adults give them credit for, if you give them a chance to be. But ultimately you'll have to decide where to draw the line in terms of sheltering until an appropriate time vs. letting them see "adult life."

Anyway, a more formalized description of my attitude can be found here: http://www.loveandlogic.com/ My wife took me to one of their seminars just based on someone's recomendation, and although at first I was skeptical, I quickly found out that they had formalized and codified the way I already though intuitively, and by having it formalized and codified, it was easier to not slip and do things "wrong." I've been very impressed with the methodology. Like I said, I was already doing it, mostly, on my own, but the methodology as a formalized style was pretty impressive.

 

[Harmon]

When we played GURPs (which we played for about ten years) it was pretty much R and NC17 in rating. Sense getting into D&D its toned down to PG13 with a few R ratings.

When I GMed for my niece and nephew a few years back (both over ten at the time) I kept the campaign to a simple traveling campaign with little back ground and a couple of three or four fights over the course of the six hours of gaming. They loved it.

What I really want to know about is how do you guys- emm, guess I am not wording this right. Presently I sit at the table, drink water or soda, game, rise to use the restroom when I need (usually after my turn), our GM orders food, or I BBQ or someone goes to get the food.

With a child I imagine it will be much the same, however there will be a stop-age every two hours for feeding, some burping, and a changing shortly there after (best done in the other room). How is it that you can focus on the game while maintaining a more important focus on the needs of your child?


Thank you all for all your help, books, and thoughts and suggestions thus far. I have a lot of the books suggested, and need to get them all read before this next February.

Thank you, once again.

 

[Micah]

How do you split your attention?

Well for some people it is easier than for others. In a loose generalization it tends to be easier for girls to multi-task than for guys. I play with my husband and when we have our three toddlers/preschoolers with, it does distract us. Usually, child interruptions go to the parent who is not on an active turn, or closest (to the kids) if we are all involved in combat. We know each others character sheets rather well and are not afraid to play the absent players hand for a couple of rounds. If something looks like it will take a critical character decision, the group is very good about waiting. In fact we have a very understanding group of friends who play.

It's not too bad with infants. You can roll the dice and hold a bottle usually simultaneously. You can bounce them on your knee or cuddle them and respond to DM questions with a little more work.

Once they get to about six months it gets harder to hold them at the table. It becomes a game to keep the dice from being grabbed and swallowed, the battlemap from being yanked, etc. We started gaming at around 8pm and played until midnight once the kids got to this stage. Not ideal in some ways, but it usually gave us time to put the kids down before we started. You will soon understand the incredible feeling of freedom that comes once the kids are asleep in bed for the night. It's a feeling only parents relate to.

When we gamed at the DM's house nothing beat the pack n' play which doubled as a portable crib/ containment device.

The one year old to three year old stage has been the hardest. They are mobile (can get into anything - including the safe zone on top of the refrigerator), no longer content to sleep at someone elses house, particularly if there are other children involved, and too young yet to get into long movies and Nintendo, and they want to eat all the snacks at the game table.

Light at the end of the tunnel seems to be showing in the four to five range.


The hard thing is that babies and small children want attention - your attention and they've a pretty good idea when they are getting it. To a certain point you will need to wait and see how you're little ones react. Some kids are content to swing or sit in an exersaucer close to the table. Others are not happy unless you are walking around bobbing them up and down, still others, in the case of collic, are unhappy no matter what. Your own ability to focus on the game is going to be highly dependent on what your children are like. Because no one can concentrate on character sheets with a child who's in a full blown wailing session. And with two - you'll find that when one cries it's pretty likely that both will take up the pasttime. We call it "sympathetic detonation" around here.

 

[Dougal DeKree]

Congratulations Harmon!

About stopping gaming: my wife and i resumed playing two weeks after she got out of hospital. We game at our place, where we have two adjacent rooms - so when it is feeding time, she simply goes to the other room, where she can hear the GM and takes the charsheet with her. I roll the dice for her if she performs something and she does the talking for her char. It really works very well and the other players don't mind. Apart from that our now 14 weeks old son enjoys other people - the more and louder the better. We think this is because he became used to loud noises and other people very early. Also he sleeps better when we had visitors than when a day was calm.

One other advice that hasn't appeared yet: When you are about to bathe your kids, you have to control the temperature of the water very exactly. DON'T trust one thermometer. Use two - one of them digital. We always wondered that the water was apparently rather cold but the thermo (special one for bathing kids that floats in the tub) showed the perfect temperature and our son was screaming as soon as he came into contact with the water. At the third time we used another thermometer (digital that time) that showed a temperature 5(!) degrees Celsius LOWER than the floating one. As soon as we warmed the water up to the fitting temperature, our boy was sitting in the water, enjoying it and laughing.

Dougal

 

[Harmon]

Thank you all very much that kinda helped.

Well wishes are greeted with many thanks.

I have lots of books to read, and stuff to learn (I have not changed a diaper in fifteen years :\ ) I know that. Most of what I need to know will come from the experience of trying to work things out. Players and GMs will have to endure and hopefully I can find some people that want to watch Junior when we wish to game.

Have to go, wife is calling. Thank you all.

 

[Guillaume]

When my wife was pregnant, we heard tons of advice/anecdotes about being a parent. I'll pass along the simplest and truest of it: it is so much harder than you think it will be, and it is so much BETTER than you think it will be.

I'll second part of that. As a young parent, Vincent is three month old today, it has been much better than I thought it would be. I haven't managed to game again since his arrival, even though Julie is as much a gamer as I am. But we keep trying.

A friend of mine once told me: «Before you become a parent, you always have good reasons not to become one. Once you become a parent, you realize that all the reasons given are not worth much in the end.» I smiled at the time he told me that. Now that I'm a parent, all I can say is that he was so very right.

Therefore, congratulations. After ten years of trying, getting twins is a blessing. I wish you luck and you and your wife will find a way to keep on gaming. Good luck.

 

[Greatwyrm]

I don't have a lot of substance to add, so I'll keep it simple.

1. Don't freak out. No matter how prepared you think you are, you won't be prepared.

2. Don't freak out. No matter how unprepared you think you are, you will make it.

3. Time with your little ones is the single most valuable commodity you will ever have. Ever.