Kilmore
First Post
Kilmore's Random Grandma Table
Grandma Characteristics
Years ago born: 5d10 + 20 + Character's age.
Roll randomly for whether she is on the mother's side or the father's.
1d6 Living or Dead
On a roll of less than 1 to 3, she is dead.
Roll from 4 to over 6 she's alive.
Add 1 for dwarf, gnome or half-elf, add 2 for elf, subtract 1 for half-orc or monster.
Description
1. Grandmother is a tall stern-looking woman, with strong features. She stands straight, lean and proud, with her battleship-gray hair in a tight bun. Her voice is husky.
2. Grammy is soft-featured and smiling. She has a scent of potpourri and wears her hair as long as when she was a girl. It can't decide whether to stay its natural color or go gray. Her voice sounds like music.
3. You warty, wrinkled Granny looks like a witch. She has long scraggy gray hair that she lets loose. She's slightly hunched over. Her crackling voice is quick with a jarring cackle.
4. Grams is less than five feet tall and is shaped like an apple. Her head is shaped like a pear, with big jowly cheeks. Her curly hair is completely white with her scalp visible.
5. Nanny is a husky battleaxe of a woman, built like a side of beef with angular features. Her close-cropped hair is still mostly dark, with some salt-and-peppering. She has a voice like a gravel quarry.
6. Grandma is old even beyond her years, hunched over and needing a cane or walker to get around. She has white hair in a sloppy bun and speaks with a feeble voice.
Roll once on the Dead Grandma or the Living Grandma table depending on which she is, and once on the General Grandma Table.
Dead Grandma Table
1. You find Grammy's grave dug open when visiting one day. The next day a known grave robber is found dead with a shovel stuck in his skull.
2. Your Granny's been dead for years, but her home cookin' still shows up on the character's table every once in a while.
3. Going through Grandmother's relics, one finds a remarkable gift given by a local elder of great renown for reasons unknown.
4. Your Grandma never existed. Your parent came from somewhere else.
5. A group of mysterious hooded people paid their respects at Granny's funeral and were never seen again.
6. Your Grandmother is famous wherever you go, but you don't know why. The people say, “Aha! So that's what happened to her!” but get shifty when you ask for an explanation.
7. Nan-nan left you a general utility knife that is sure to become interesting in some sort of fashion.
8. You find out that Granny isn't really your granny, Granpy had your parent with another woman, but Granny raised your family as her own.
9. When Grandmother died her cats, the whole two dozen of them, left the house in all different directions, possibly leaving a kitten for yourself. Now it appears that cats wherever you go are watching you.
10. Grammy was burned as a witch. Aside from her garden, nothing has grown in your hometown since.
11. Gram disappeared without a trace one day, with only a weird purple smoke emitting from a boiled-down iron pot as evidence.
12. You heard Grandma claim she still had forty years left to live just before she died.
13. Granny's in the freezer but the checks keep coming.
14. A spellcaster of some sort (maybe you) has placed Grandmother's skull on top of their staff. Now it cackles just like she did, throwing spells and having a grand ol' time.
15. One of your cousins (or maybe you) has pointy ears. A distraught elf was seen at Grandma's grave.
16. As a lovely young woman years ago, Grandmother modeled for a life-sized sculpture in the fountain in the town square. The sculpture walked away on the night she died.
17. Granny had her sword pried from her cold, dead fingers.
18. Out of all her grandkids, Gran left you her spellbook. If you don't cast spells, she wanted you to give it to someone she would approve of.
19. On her deathbed, Grandma confessed to poisoning her first husband, but the bastard had it coming.
20. When Granny died, she turned into something else.
Living Grandma Table
1. Granny don't give a damn about no priests, she don't give a damn about no neighbors, and she sure as hell don't give no damn about the government.
2. Grandma is a man.
3. Gram insists on adventuring with the character.
4. Ignore the description Somehow Grandmother still looks as young as you do.
5. Grammy believes in the silliest superstitions, which seems to be the way the universe works when she is around.
6. Grams used to be a courtesan, and has some saucy secrets about the court from back in the day.
7. Grandma hates you and absolutely insists that you are not a legitimate grandchild.
8. Granny has tattoos all over her body, with her grandchildren's names worked in wherever she can.
9. Grandmother prayed for a miracle, and it came true. In return, she promised you'd become a priest or priestess.
10. You never seen Grandma harm a fly. Yet the goblins are terrified of her.
11. Grams desperately wants you to marry her childhood best friend's grandchild.
12. Granny is too feeble to arm a crossbow. But she's the best shot for miles.
13. Grammy works at your hometown tavern. She dotes on you embarrassingly whenever you visit.
14. Grandmother has been in bed for months. Animals are taking care of her. They don't let any of her own people treat her.
15. Nanny despises that you have become an adventurer and insists that you get an honest job.
16. Granny needs the extract of the Crimson Bloodflower Root which can only be found deep in the realm of the undead or she'll start chewing her fingers off.
17. Gammy's in prison for life. She was totally guilty.
18. Both of Grandmother's eyes look at different things at the same time.
19. Poor Gran's gone senile. She keeps affectionately confusing you and your friends for known criminals and evil type characters, whom she was apparently friendly with.
20. Nanny has a huge violent dog that tries to destroy you at every opportunity. But he's her little muffinbuns.
General Grandma Table
1. Gramms detests the spouse her child, your parent found. However she'd always loved you.
2. As a child, Grandma was best friends with a little girl who grew up to be a formidable old witch.
3. Granny has a thick foreign accent from a place whose people she doesn't resemble.
4. You've only recently found out that your Grandmother has been entirely too close with your parent, her stepchild.
5. Grandma never raised her voice and was sweet as pie at all times. Yet she was subtle and the entire family always lived in stark terror of her.
6. No one has ever made home made hooch like Granny has.
7. Gran served as the governess for the local nobility as they were growing up.
8. Grandmother told you to never go to the old shed out back and never, ever talk to anyone who did so.
9. For some reason, the local thugs and gangsters would defend Granny to the death.
10. Grandma always found some way to correct a bard.
11. Grammy has been there for thousands of births, and thousands have called for her while they died, though she has no particular medical skill.
12. Grams and her two sisters have only had one set of teeth between them, which they passed around when one of them wanted to eat something.
13. Grandmother has grown some shady things in her herb garden.
14. Grammy's heart is in a pickle jar in the cupboard, still beating. She lived at least twenty years after it was removed, and may still be alive now.
15. Grandma used to have the largest library in the kingdom, chock full of useful books on magic, religion, and adventures. The books are all gone now.
16. Jealous neighbors called an infamous witch-finder on your Grandmother on what were obviously trumped-up charges. He vanished without a trace before he arrived, along with the neighbors.
17. As Mother Superior, Granny transformed a local convent from a stodgy rest home into a significant force in the community.
18. Your family never talked about your Grandmother when you or the other kids were around.
19. Granny's farm is famous for its fighting chickens.
20. Gammaw taught you and all of your friends, but she had to stop because she taught things that certain folks in power disapprove of. Now all of her students are suspect.
Grandma Characteristics
Years ago born: 5d10 + 20 + Character's age.
Roll randomly for whether she is on the mother's side or the father's.
1d6 Living or Dead
On a roll of less than 1 to 3, she is dead.
Roll from 4 to over 6 she's alive.
Add 1 for dwarf, gnome or half-elf, add 2 for elf, subtract 1 for half-orc or monster.
Description
1. Grandmother is a tall stern-looking woman, with strong features. She stands straight, lean and proud, with her battleship-gray hair in a tight bun. Her voice is husky.
2. Grammy is soft-featured and smiling. She has a scent of potpourri and wears her hair as long as when she was a girl. It can't decide whether to stay its natural color or go gray. Her voice sounds like music.
3. You warty, wrinkled Granny looks like a witch. She has long scraggy gray hair that she lets loose. She's slightly hunched over. Her crackling voice is quick with a jarring cackle.
4. Grams is less than five feet tall and is shaped like an apple. Her head is shaped like a pear, with big jowly cheeks. Her curly hair is completely white with her scalp visible.
5. Nanny is a husky battleaxe of a woman, built like a side of beef with angular features. Her close-cropped hair is still mostly dark, with some salt-and-peppering. She has a voice like a gravel quarry.
6. Grandma is old even beyond her years, hunched over and needing a cane or walker to get around. She has white hair in a sloppy bun and speaks with a feeble voice.
Roll once on the Dead Grandma or the Living Grandma table depending on which she is, and once on the General Grandma Table.
Dead Grandma Table
1. You find Grammy's grave dug open when visiting one day. The next day a known grave robber is found dead with a shovel stuck in his skull.
2. Your Granny's been dead for years, but her home cookin' still shows up on the character's table every once in a while.
3. Going through Grandmother's relics, one finds a remarkable gift given by a local elder of great renown for reasons unknown.
4. Your Grandma never existed. Your parent came from somewhere else.
5. A group of mysterious hooded people paid their respects at Granny's funeral and were never seen again.
6. Your Grandmother is famous wherever you go, but you don't know why. The people say, “Aha! So that's what happened to her!” but get shifty when you ask for an explanation.
7. Nan-nan left you a general utility knife that is sure to become interesting in some sort of fashion.
8. You find out that Granny isn't really your granny, Granpy had your parent with another woman, but Granny raised your family as her own.
9. When Grandmother died her cats, the whole two dozen of them, left the house in all different directions, possibly leaving a kitten for yourself. Now it appears that cats wherever you go are watching you.
10. Grammy was burned as a witch. Aside from her garden, nothing has grown in your hometown since.
11. Gram disappeared without a trace one day, with only a weird purple smoke emitting from a boiled-down iron pot as evidence.
12. You heard Grandma claim she still had forty years left to live just before she died.
13. Granny's in the freezer but the checks keep coming.
14. A spellcaster of some sort (maybe you) has placed Grandmother's skull on top of their staff. Now it cackles just like she did, throwing spells and having a grand ol' time.
15. One of your cousins (or maybe you) has pointy ears. A distraught elf was seen at Grandma's grave.
16. As a lovely young woman years ago, Grandmother modeled for a life-sized sculpture in the fountain in the town square. The sculpture walked away on the night she died.
17. Granny had her sword pried from her cold, dead fingers.
18. Out of all her grandkids, Gran left you her spellbook. If you don't cast spells, she wanted you to give it to someone she would approve of.
19. On her deathbed, Grandma confessed to poisoning her first husband, but the bastard had it coming.
20. When Granny died, she turned into something else.
Living Grandma Table
1. Granny don't give a damn about no priests, she don't give a damn about no neighbors, and she sure as hell don't give no damn about the government.
2. Grandma is a man.
3. Gram insists on adventuring with the character.
4. Ignore the description Somehow Grandmother still looks as young as you do.
5. Grammy believes in the silliest superstitions, which seems to be the way the universe works when she is around.
6. Grams used to be a courtesan, and has some saucy secrets about the court from back in the day.
7. Grandma hates you and absolutely insists that you are not a legitimate grandchild.
8. Granny has tattoos all over her body, with her grandchildren's names worked in wherever she can.
9. Grandmother prayed for a miracle, and it came true. In return, she promised you'd become a priest or priestess.
10. You never seen Grandma harm a fly. Yet the goblins are terrified of her.
11. Grams desperately wants you to marry her childhood best friend's grandchild.
12. Granny is too feeble to arm a crossbow. But she's the best shot for miles.
13. Grammy works at your hometown tavern. She dotes on you embarrassingly whenever you visit.
14. Grandmother has been in bed for months. Animals are taking care of her. They don't let any of her own people treat her.
15. Nanny despises that you have become an adventurer and insists that you get an honest job.
16. Granny needs the extract of the Crimson Bloodflower Root which can only be found deep in the realm of the undead or she'll start chewing her fingers off.
17. Gammy's in prison for life. She was totally guilty.
18. Both of Grandmother's eyes look at different things at the same time.
19. Poor Gran's gone senile. She keeps affectionately confusing you and your friends for known criminals and evil type characters, whom she was apparently friendly with.
20. Nanny has a huge violent dog that tries to destroy you at every opportunity. But he's her little muffinbuns.
General Grandma Table
1. Gramms detests the spouse her child, your parent found. However she'd always loved you.
2. As a child, Grandma was best friends with a little girl who grew up to be a formidable old witch.
3. Granny has a thick foreign accent from a place whose people she doesn't resemble.
4. You've only recently found out that your Grandmother has been entirely too close with your parent, her stepchild.
5. Grandma never raised her voice and was sweet as pie at all times. Yet she was subtle and the entire family always lived in stark terror of her.
6. No one has ever made home made hooch like Granny has.
7. Gran served as the governess for the local nobility as they were growing up.
8. Grandmother told you to never go to the old shed out back and never, ever talk to anyone who did so.
9. For some reason, the local thugs and gangsters would defend Granny to the death.
10. Grandma always found some way to correct a bard.
11. Grammy has been there for thousands of births, and thousands have called for her while they died, though she has no particular medical skill.
12. Grams and her two sisters have only had one set of teeth between them, which they passed around when one of them wanted to eat something.
13. Grandmother has grown some shady things in her herb garden.
14. Grammy's heart is in a pickle jar in the cupboard, still beating. She lived at least twenty years after it was removed, and may still be alive now.
15. Grandma used to have the largest library in the kingdom, chock full of useful books on magic, religion, and adventures. The books are all gone now.
16. Jealous neighbors called an infamous witch-finder on your Grandmother on what were obviously trumped-up charges. He vanished without a trace before he arrived, along with the neighbors.
17. As Mother Superior, Granny transformed a local convent from a stodgy rest home into a significant force in the community.
18. Your family never talked about your Grandmother when you or the other kids were around.
19. Granny's farm is famous for its fighting chickens.
20. Gammaw taught you and all of your friends, but she had to stop because she taught things that certain folks in power disapprove of. Now all of her students are suspect.
