Let's do an experiment using bad boxed text.

[Insight]

Bad Boxed Text Submission 1
As you enter the small library annex, the first thing that strikes you is the sheer number of ancient tomes and scrolls found on the many shelves and racks throughout the 17ft by 15ft chamber. Rows of dark wooden bookshelves dominate the room, blocking your line of sight until you proceed further into the annex. You hear something dripping, a sound coming from somewhere in the chamber.

Torch light illuminates the shelves immediately before you. You see no books, but scrolls, hundreds of them, many written in an unknown and unnamable alphabet. The scrolls seem to call to you, begging to be unfurled and studied.

As you enter and explore the library annex, it is clear to you that someone has meticulously ordered and possibly catalogued these tomes. They are dusty, yes, but neat and systematically aligned. Few of these books are sticking out of their row or in lopsided order. As you examine the titles, something seems familiar about them. As if you've been here before...

Standing at the entrance, the large room seems foreboding. The sounds of your footfalls and armor scraping on stone resounds throughout the 34ft by 40ft chamber. At the center of the room is a beholder, its eyes raging with purified evil!

 

[Ulrick]

Here's my bad boxed text submission...

Since this hallway ends in a dead end, you all must open the door on the west wall. Upon opening the door, a trap sets off. An arrow shoots through the air...

Roll 1d20+8 vs. the character's AC. If it hits read the following boxed text. If not, read the boxed text after the following boxed text.

The arrow hits you! You feel the poison in your veins and crumple to the floor. You take 1d8 + poison damage.

The arrow misses you and strikes the wooden door with a thud. Inside is a 10x10 room. This place doesn't appear to be a bakery, a kitchen, and the orc standing within this chamber has no cooking implements like forks or knives. The walls are gray stone, hewn roughly. There is no exit to this room. An aroma assaults your nostrils that smells like warm apple pie, beckoning for you to come in and take the pie from the orc. Your fellow adventurers are getting hungry.

 

[Edgewood]

You see, the problem I have is my players NEVER NEVER NEVER let me get through reading out boxed text. It always goes something like this...

Me: You all enter the chamber after unlocking the door. A bright light shines from what appears to be an altar where the silhouettes of many figures can be seen gathered about. The...

Player 1: I cast Invisibility and sneak up on them!

Me: Okay, hold on, I'm not done...

Player 2: I ready an arrow and delay my action. If anyone casts a spell, I'll fire!!

Me: Guys, just let me read this first and we'll decide...

Player 3: What are they wearing?

Player 1: They're in shadow. Can I see if there's any cover?

Me: Is there cov...(sigh). Seriously guys let me finish reading this and then you can tell me what you're gonna do.

I have given up on boxed text with my group and only answer their questions when they enter a room or area.

 

[MarkB]

You see, the problem I have is my players NEVER NEVER NEVER let me get through reading out boxed text. It always goes something like this...

<snip>

Sounds familiar. It's usually either that, or

Me: This large, well-lit cavern is occupied by a dozen vaguely-humanoid...

Player 1: My attack bonus is up to +9 now.

Me: ...claws and tattered wings, gathered around a glowing magic circle bearing what you recognise as the symbol of...

Player 2: +9? How'd you get that? I'm only on +6.

Me: ...in low voices, clearly preparing to perform a ritual of some...

Player 3: It's that new feat he took, that and the +2 greatsword from the thingummy's lair. Hey, did you see The Big Bang Theory yesterday?

Me: ...iron-barred cages along the eastern - sorry, am I interrupting?

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

As mentioned unthread, a paraphrase:

DM (as NPC Chieftan): "Greetings, adventurers! We are The People, this is our realm, and we welcome you to our village. We are a tribe of hunter-gatherers...well...not so much hunter-gatherers, more semi-nomadic hunters than anything else...but with women who farm and..."

Me (as DM as Chieftan): "Dammit! WHO WROTE THIS SPEECH? I'm trying to impress the foreigners and I get THIS?" *backhanding sheaf of paper*, "Get my writer and bring him here- my axe is ready!"

(With one player laughing so hard he was gasping for air, we had to take a break for a few minutes...)


Notice how it illustrates both bad boxed text AND a player willing to interrupt (albeit in the name of humor).

 

[rogueattorney]

Speaking from experience with home-brews on both sides of the screen, I can say without equivocation that our group would notice...and pounce on it like starving wolves.

This IS the group that I've posted about before...where a DM on-the-fly gaffes in changing the chieftain of the tribe's welcoming speech resulted in aching ribs.

My groups, too. I recall showing them the map of the town they were in. By the docks there were a bunch of warehouses. One of the players was looking at the map upside down (and my handwriting isn't the greatest) and he thought they were all whorehouses. Needless to say, not much productive occurred for the rest of the session.

So, I can only imagine... "Not singing or laughing? Are you sure there isn't any humming or tittering? Perhaps a chortle to go along with some spoken verse?"

 

[fanboy2000]

Entry #1

It is a dark and stormy night. A shot rings out. Illuminated by a flash of lightning you see a wizard standing five feet from a fresh corpse.

 

[TarionzCousin]

You pull open the squeaky door--without oiling the hinges--and step into the room. Three greenskinned monsters of average disposition stare at you. None of them are wearing hats but they are standing less-than-casually.

That's when you notice that you are standing in the jaws of a razor-sharp bear trap. It snaps closed on your shin.

Now roll for damage.

 

[jonesy]

Let's combine Danny's text with Danny's reaction:

"Greetings, adventurers! We are The People, this is our realm, and we welcome you to our village. We are a tribe of hunter-gatherers...well...not so much hunter-gatherers, more semi-nomadic hunters than anything else...but with women who farm and...Dammit! WHO WROTE THIS SPEECH? I'm trying to impress the foreigners and I get THIS?" chieftain backhands the sheaf of paper, "Get my writer and bring him here- my axe is ready!"

Now it's awesome.

 

[MarkB]

Entry #1

It is a dark and stormy night. A shot rings out. Illuminated by a flash of lightning you see a wizard standing five feet from a fresh corpse.

Well, it may not be very descriptive, but it makes me really want to play this adventure. I'll rebuild my Changeling detective, and the other players can be his bumbling assistants.